Christians, my sister is Lesbian - help me tell her the way I feel...?

Question

Please, all of the Lord, help me to think of a way to tell my sister - I have been accepting her homosexuality for years now, basically her whole life. She even has a "son" that she has call her "daddy"...Unfotunately, I do not want my little girls seeing this act of behavior any more! My mother has even confirmed with me that I shouldnt allow them to kiss or anything in my house, and I agree. It gets me sick to my stomach, although I have been accepting it for so long and do not know how to approach her. Please, everybody, let me know what to do. Thank you so much.

Answer 1

why don't you contact dr. phil?

Answer 2

Homosexuality is a normal human variation, it's not a sin and it's not a choice as you've probably figured out. You seem to have a problem accepting your sisters sexuality and you have a bit of a phobic reaction due to previous conditioning you've received that homosexuality is bad or disgusting.
If you feel you don't want your sister and her partner kissing in your home that is fair enough, I'd feel just as put out as you do if my sister and her boyfriend came to my place and were kissing...it's not really appropriate...tell your sister it makes you feel uncomfortable. Honesty is the best policy here..they can either respond reasonably and stop or talk it through with you so that you reach an understanding. Talking to your sister about it is the most important thing you should do.

Answer 3

Just let your sister know that you are uncomfortable with her lifestyle and would like for her and her partner to be respectful when in the presence of you and your children (e.g. no open signs of affection (touching, kissing, etc.). Let her know that you may not like her lifestyle but you still love and respect her as a sister. She can either accept your decision or not. But I do think it's a little crappy that you've waited so long to express your true feelings -- you're sister will definately be confused about how to act when around you now.

Answer 4

Unfortunately, your sister has a choice of her own. God loves us warts and all although He does not like a lot of the things we do. I agree with your mum, you have a right to ask that no physical evidence of this relationship be permitted in your home. I also have a relative in a relationship like this, and although I detest the life style he is living, I still care for him and pray always that he will see that he has an option to change. I have a friend who also was in like situation, but tells us that he was able to come out of it, although it can take a long time, but keep praying I believe that nothing is impossible for our Lord.

Answer 5

Tell her that you have been trying to let her be her but you have to set boundaries. Things that you can't accept in your home (you can't do anything about what happens outside of your home). Tell her that even though you don't approve of her lifestyle you still love her. All have sinned and all sins are the same in Gods sight. God doesn't approve of those things but he don't approve of lying or wanting something someone else has either.What I'm saying is her sin is not bigger or smaller...a sin is a sin. You don't love the sin you love the sinner cause all have sinned. Kinda long and rambling but I hope you get my point.

Answer 6

You sound like a nice and genuine person so please forgive the strength of my reply - but as someone with several close gay friends and seeing what they still have to go through in the world I feel I must be honest.

Personally - I'd prefer my children to be raised as tolerant and accepting so I'd be very happy (within the confines of decency that I'd expect of any couple - heterosexual or not) for your sister to be open about this major part of herself with the family.

I think children should be raised to understand and celebrate diversity and human dignity. Your sister is probably a good person and could contribute a lot to their lives (not least in showing that difference is not bad or good - just different).

With respect - this is not about you. I'm sure you (as all of us do) have good qualities and bad - but your family accept and love you for who you are. If you are a Christian - you should practice the same level of tolerance and love with your sister. Judge not lest ye be judged... Your role as a Christian is to love - leave any judgment about any subject to God who's far better qualified.

This shouldn't be doing her a favour - but yourself one... (I'd love a sister but don't have one as an only child). Her sexuality is just one part of her.

If you have a problem with her showing love in the same way you would in your straight relationships - the problem is with you I'm afraid ... not her... and as such, is your responsibility to resolve without hurting her when as her family - you should be who she counts upon for unconditional love - as preached by Jesus afterall...

Answer 7

Before you talk with her, be sure and remember all of the sin you have been forgiven for. It helps you to understand we all have weaknesses, no one gets thru life without a thorn in their side. Your sister has this thorn, but your prayers are very important at this time. Your approach should be out of love and not condemnation. I would not allow any speech or actions in my own home that were against my own beliefs, she should keep those things in her own home. Bless you

Answer 8

Wow, you really haven't been accepting, then, have you ? If your sister is a good person, a fine sister, an excellent mother, an upstanding citizen and an affectionate person, then taking the position that she can't be affectionate with her partner in your house because your children might - - see affection between two people of the same sex is just going to make your sister choose between her family and you.

Guess who is going to lose ? Who would YOU choose if the roles were reversed ? If your sister was going to set a standard of PDA for you to live by with your spouse and children ... what would you do ? If she said you can't kiss your spouse in front of her children ? Wouldn't you be a bit taken back ?

Unless your whole extended family bans public displays of affection between everybody - including your children - then you really have no basis upon which to set this one up with your sister. And I hope you don't.

Let God handle what is God's to handle. You raise your children the way you see fit - they will grow the way they are raised. Exposure to your sister is not going to suddenly make your children "become" something they are not. This is the way the world wags - they are going to have to learn to live in it whether they condone it or not. Don't raise bigots by cordoning them off from that of which you disapprove. Just raise them with the standards you want them to have. And let them grow into them.

Your sister's sexuality is not something she chose. It is something she was born to. If God is responsible for all that is made in the world, then let Him deal with this between He and his daughter - your sister.

Love your sister and stop judging her. It's not your place to do so.

Answer 9

Be open and honest with your sister about her behavior.Let her know that it makes you uncomfortable.I agree that since you have children it is not good for them to see such flamboyant displays of affection.As a father I understand. Also as a christian you may not agree with her lifestyle but you still need to show love and respect. Let her make her own choice. Both of you need to come to a mutual respect.Good luck!

Answer 10

Blame your mother for the way she raised her. Because that may be the reason she is a lesbian. And if you treat your kids the same way they are gonna rebel on you and do something you hate. So stop being so close minded and get the hell over it. your sister is your sister why should her sexuality be your buisness...thats the only difference between being Straight and gay..its your sexual choice. Does she care what you do with your husband? so why should you care who she does stuff with? worry about your own life and maybe you will feel better.

Answer 11

I think your choices are:

- bite your tongue when she's around
- confront her about it and most likely she'll kick you out of her life
- kick her out of your life
- get over your predjudices

If she's living a lesbian lifestyle, it's highly unlikely she's going to listen to religious arguments. Nor is she likely to accepting about your desire to instill the same predjudices in your children. You have a right to do so, but the cost is probably your relationship with your sister.