My gf and I have been dating for 6 years...and she wants to get married...She asked me about marriage 3 years ago and I told her I wasn't ready cuz I had just gotten out of school, but now 3 years later she asked me again about getting married and I told her I wasn't ready and that I wanted to earn some money before even thinking about settling down and she says she understands... but our friends are wondering when we will tie the knot, and so she responds by saying sh!t like "Hey I am ready, he is the one who isn't ready" ...How do I get her off my case!?! Why doesn't she realize I am not ready! I am 28 and she is 26, I have been working for 3 years and she just graduated from college and wants to know when we can get hitched...I told her "what's the rush? It's all downhill once you get married anyway.." so why doesn't she just wait? I, personally don't think I will even be ready to think about marriage for at least another 3 or 4 years...so why does she keep rushing me?
2006-08-21 00:10:53 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I asked her to move in with me, but she says she won't unless we are married. She asked me to at least consider getting engaged and I told her that I AM NOT READY!!! I won't be ready for at least another 3 or 4 years...so what's the big deal.
Also, I cheated on her once a long time ago, early on in our relationship and she knows about it...I had a kid with the other chick...although the other chick and I don't keep in touch anymore...is that why she might be hounding me? What the hell is her prob, why can't she wait?
2006-08-21 00:12:39 · update #1
I understand were you are coming from. If your not ready then your not ready. I'm happy to see that you were honest with her and told her you weren't ready instead of just jumping into marriage and then making a mistake because you got married too soon. Just tell her that you would like to marry her one day but that day isn't today. Tell her the pressure she is putting you under is driving you away from her. Also try to get her to move in with you again. Because you wouldn't want to end up getting married to someone you can't even live with. Explain that to her. Good Luck
2006-08-21 00:17:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you making her wait for so long years??? This is the correct age to settle for marriage or it might take a U turn for her, she may decide for once to settle with some other understanding guy. I wont say that u are wrong, i understand the importance of settling down and earnings, but Dear , just think she has been waiting for U, only U (even after knowing that u had a CHILD with other girl), thats enough how nice person is she. Since she is so understanding person, she has been waiting for you. Just think being in her shoes dear. Make it one more year at the most but not another 3-4 yrs to get married. It might become too late then and she get settled with already well-settled guy by the time you settle (what you mean). So in my opinion make it just 1 more year. Not more than that. All the best. May God bless u both.
2006-08-21 07:33:51 · answer #2 · answered by still virgin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can start by asking yourself these questions:
"What is keeping me from keeping a long-term commitment?"
"What do I want to change (relationship/personal/financial) before I get married?"
"Am I being irrational here?"
"Is she telling me her deepest needs and fears?"
"Am I willing to sacrifice certain things because of my love for her?"
I think she looks at the relationship a little differently than you do. I strongly recommend finding a mutual friend to hold a "talk session" with the two of you, because if you don't, it's really going to hurt your relationship---and your marriage, if you do get married.
The fact that you're impatient now may be interpreted (by her) as a signal that you won't be able to stay in the marriage for long. You should listen to her, talk to her, and try to make a compromise for a plan.
You have to realize too, though, that marriage takes two. You can't be thinking all about yourself when you're talking about marriage. You can never be completely ready for anything, but you CAN become matured enough to say, "I love you and I'm ready to be committed."
God bless you both.
2006-08-21 07:29:46 · answer #3 · answered by yilingonly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look young man you got your career and your life and that's understandable. You got to settle down and that is understandable. That's your point of view and your interests.
She has her life too and she is getting old. She is just getting fed up of being strung along for so many years.
In a relationship both have interests, you and she. You seem to miss the point about her interests. She loves you and wants to marry you. Marry her before she gets fed up about where the relationship is going and finds herself another man.
Remember you are not the only guy she can date. If you don't marry her sometime soon there are plenty of fish in the sea for her. Hurry up man don't wait till you get rich or something. She wants you for you that's all just be happy.
2006-08-21 07:25:26 · answer #4 · answered by Bachelor boy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is definitely not her problem. It's yours. And the question is, Are you willing to marry this chick? Do you really have feelings for her? Or is it all just superficial? I think that you have to rethink your options or she will be looking for someone that knows where he is going and how he is going to get there. She does understand but is just being a bit stubborn about as she is unsure about how you feel about her. Tell her that you love and that you see the two of you guys together in the future. It's just that you want everything to be perfect for her once you guys are married. So dude, Is she the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with?
2006-08-21 07:18:08 · answer #5 · answered by Rock Angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She just wants a future with you. If you know that you are not going to ever be ready to get married then you need to tell her so that she can move on with her life and stop wasting her time with someone who is afraid to commit. If you have been together that long and you still don't know if you wanna be married to her, then let her go.
2006-08-21 07:19:49 · answer #6 · answered by ceecee_41004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
put urself in her sheos. 6 years in a relationship, she is 26, slightly past the age of marriage... and u ask her to wait another 4 years? till she's 30? and if u are not ready, or cheat on her again, she will have thrown 10 years down tha drain... engange her for security reasons on her part, if u change ur mind, u can break it off.
Be fair.
2006-08-21 07:19:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your girlfriend is extremely patient with you. I would have told you to take a hike a long time ago. You have everything you want without the commitment of marriage. She is doing the right thing in telling people you are the hold out. It is not all downhill after marriage. I agree with her why move in with you without marriage, heck she shouldn't even give you sex without marriage. You are using her.
2006-08-21 07:18:11 · answer #8 · answered by older woman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're immoral and most of all you're a big jerk. If I had been in her shoes I would have kicked you long back, when you became the father of another woman's child. She stayed with you still cause she loved you. Damn, why do such idiots exist? You want her to move in with you? Why? To make a baby and then to get rid of both once you're bored with them? I wish you fall in love so deeply with a girl for whom you mean "just another man I screwed and got rid of"...see how you feel that time: miserable and used.
2006-08-21 07:18:39 · answer #9 · answered by DreamGirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her problem is you! She is ready for a lifetime commitment and loves you. You apparently do not love her and will never marry her. She isn't the right girl for you so turn her loose so she can find someone who'll love and respect her.
2006-08-21 07:18:06 · answer #10 · answered by bookfreak2day 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋