im 20 and my bfs 25, but he was with his ex for 2 years but he wasnt in love with her... even though he doesnt talk about her and i dont even know her, i still feel upset thinkin about his past and it really bothers me even though we are both madly in love with each other... does anyone else feel like this?
2006-08-20 23:41:50 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
yeah i guess it is my insecurites, because he lived with her aswell, however he has no contact with her at all now and she is married with a child... and he says im his first love, but i guess its just down to feeling slightly insecure and jealous.
2006-08-21 00:10:39 · update #1
it is just a normal, sort of insecure feeling and yes, i've felt that way too. but realize a couple of things.
#1. he probably loved his ex girlfriend and told her he loved her just like he is telling you now. maybe the circumstances are different for him now but im sure he said the same things to her as he is to you.
#2. i doesnt matter what happened to him in the past, or to you for that matter. it only matters what is happening to you now and how you feel today.
2006-08-20 23:49:36 · answer #1 · answered by spyderman1212 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His past made him the person he is today - be grateful for it. He can tell you he really loves you now because he thought he was in love before but now realises it was just infatuation.
I used to worry that my partner had enjoyed sex more with his exes because our relationship is based on a deep friendship rather than lust. But I enjoy our sex life and he keeps coming back for more so why worry? Same for you, sure he lived with this girl but it doesn't mean a lot, I've been married before but I can tell you I feel a lot more committed to my partner than I ever did to my husband.
The past is done, don;t you have boyfriends that you've said 'I love you' to or whatever and really meant it at the time but now struggle to remember their face. It's the dame for your boyfriend and his ex. Would you really want a boyfriend who was such a social no-hoper that at 25 he had never had a girlfriend, still ived with his parents and was a virgin? Thought not.
2006-08-21 01:14:32 · answer #2 · answered by Leapling 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. We had our differences in the beginning with regards to my past. I am not an angel by any means and he knows this. It does bother him to think that I was a bit wild in my past and this came up at one point and caused us to have a big fall out. I later reminded him that when we met each other - he was aware that i was wild and that was one of the things that he liked about me. You see, everything changes when the future comes into it.
The way I see it, everyone makes mistakes, everyone does things that they might not be proud of but when you decide to be with someone, it is for their future - not their past, If you cant look past things like that then maybe you are not ready for a relationship at all.
2006-08-21 03:46:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My own conclusion is that this is a phenomenon that effects younger woman more than those over the age of 30 because when I was younger this really bothered me where as now, I can happily talk about anything ex related with my boyfriend.
I think part of this is that when we're younger we tend to be more insecure or at least less sure of ourselves. I think we also tend to be more idealistic- perhaps sometimes to the point of it being impractical. Team that with the fact that at age 20- you don't really have that much relationship experience, which means that you probably have less wisdom concerning these things. Also if you have less experience than your partner then it can feel intimidating to one who is younger. This can be especially evident if your partner is older and more experienced than you
I think as you get older you gather experience and you learn to accept a common truth- a past is like a bottom, everybody has one and it is behind them not in front of them.
You have a past, I have a past, everybody has one once they are old enough to have made a few mistakes. With this understood you have it in common with anybody who you enter a relationship with and thus can empathise with them a lot more.
As for your problem, I think you have to look at the situation you are in. Your partner is not with this woman anymore- he left her behind and chose you. This is a fact- he did choose you, so therefore you really have no reason to distrust him or to feel intimidated by his past.
You should talk to him about this, and share your feelings- keeping it all inside is not at all good for your relationship
best of luck dear
S
x
2006-08-21 00:10:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure, i know how you feel. Sometimes you wish you were the only one girl she was and will always be with. But thats not possible. You just have to accept his past. I am sure you had a past too, and he accepted yours.
You have to understand no one in this world is perfect, people make mistakes in their past, they learn from it. You have to move on with the present, and look forward for the future ok.
He doesnt talk about it because he is not happy about it maybe, plus some people dont like looking back at the past. Past is past, done is done, u cant change it. So u have to forget it ok. Just spend time with him and trust him. Thats love is all about, trusting each other and sharing your life with.
2006-08-20 23:52:05 · answer #5 · answered by Farah_Z 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You would probbaly be surprised to know that it is very common to feel the way you do. The way to deal with it is to recognise that your boyfriend had a life before you came on the scene and accept that fact.
You must be feeling insecure in yourself, but why? He is with you and not her, so stop getting upset with something that is in the past and enjoy the now.
However if you feel you cannot get these feeling out of your head, talk to your boyfriend about how you feel before his love and your love turns to resentment.
Best wishes to you both.
2006-08-20 23:54:45 · answer #6 · answered by wildwind 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For me whatever past is past, but its formed as a part of his life that makes who he is now. Nobody can change the fact. Cherish who he is and this momment that both of you shared. No matter how misserable he is in previous relationship, now it comes to an end. What you can do is to make sure he get the love that he deserve. Look at the future, not the past!
2006-08-21 00:02:44 · answer #7 · answered by CH 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't be bothered with it. You're with him now and it obviously didn't work out with the two of them so you should feel proud and confident. I know, I know... It will still bother you from time to time, but think about it, forget it and go on with what you were busy doing when the thought came to you again. It's only natural for it to bother you from time to time - you love you boyfriend to bits and don't even want to think about him being with someone else. But that's only part of life.
Relax and good luck!!!
2006-08-21 00:00:28 · answer #8 · answered by Sune' 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I did feel like that and you can't help to think about it, but since you are madly in love with each other and before you created a monster in your thought lol you better forget about it, or else it will be a turmoil in your relationship, you have to realize that it was his past and you have to accept it, if I were you concentrate in your relationship and love, don't be upset about something which you don't have to be upset of. ok !!♥♥♥
2006-08-20 23:51:05 · answer #9 · answered by confused_fozz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U r telling me.... I'm 20 he's 25 and he's got a baby with another woman he didn't merry her or somthing because he said he never loved her and although he calls me 'the one' I just feel jelous abot his ex of 4 yr... but hey past is past there is a reason why she's ex
2006-08-20 23:48:22 · answer #10 · answered by Mag 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋