My gf and I have been dating for 6 years...and she wants to get married...She asked me about marriage 3 years ago and I told her I wasn't ready cuz I had just gotten out of school, but now 3 years later she asked me again about getting married and I told her I wasn't ready and that I wanted to earn some money before even thinking about settling down and she says she understands... but our friends are wondering when we will tie the knot, and so she responds by saying sh!t like "Hey I am ready, he is the one who isn't ready" ...How do I get her off my case!?! Why doesn't she realize I am not ready! I am 28 and she is 26, I have been working for 3 years and she just graduated from college and wants to know when we can get hitched...I told her "what's the rush? It's all downhill once you get married anyway.." so why doesn't she just wait? I, personally don't think I will even be ready to think about marriage for at least another 3 or 4 years...so why does she keep rushing me?
2006-08-20 23:36:27 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I asked her to move in with me, but she says she won't unless we are married. She asked me to at least consider getting engaged and I told her that I AM NOT READY!!! I won't be ready for at least another 3 or 4 years...so what's the big deal.
2006-08-20 23:37:55 · update #1
I cheated on her once a long time ago and she knows about it...I had a kid with the other chick...although the other chick and I don't keep in touch anymore...is that why she might be hounding me?
2006-08-20 23:50:10 · update #2
If she is fixated on nothing more than getting married, then it is time to say goodbye to her... She is very shallow if that is how she sees the relationship... She should see it as a partnership and not a means to an end...
Find someone less fixated... And more willing to go with the flow..
2006-08-20 23:45:47 · answer #1 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hi, I do not think that you are really a man , and I think that you will never marry neither her nor the others , what you want is to have sexy relations with women and that s all, and I think you are afraid of living an other life which will be really different from the previous one
It seems that she wants a stable life" a husband and children" . and her feelings can have many explanations, the first one is may be she thought that you will react the same as you did with the other girl, nd it is possible. or she wants to put a sense to this relation. or she can not live in that way any more and we are girls feel security when we get married and love the stabillity and we do not want to reach the 30 's withuot any precise , accaeptable future. As I know the woman in the phase of thirties is very difficult to have babies . or she thought on her age , it is almost near thirties ,
I think. you men dont think like we did cuz you do not know women and the way they think even the way they live. you ve just having relations with woman and letting her alone as if it does not happen anything. and after that starting a new relation with new girl,
I think the problem is not in your readiness , but in you and in the idea itself,
I have an advise to you , look , if she deserves to live with you and she is the only girl you want to live the rest of your life with, go no and step one step to make your relation real, and engage her, and I know hat such decision is not easy but you should have the courage to do so as you had it in having sexy relation with her. if you keep s saying " I m not ready" if I am in her place I will kill you , be sure, she gave you all she owes and she is only asking for protection you s still saying "i m n r".
you should precise the time of waiting , if she should wait an other 2 years it ok say that to her and if she loves you she will accept but not keep saying "i m n r" till when, and do not forget to fulfill your promice and if you have not any precise answer, let her go and say to her that you do not accept the idea of marriage and living together all the time. the problem is in you and the solution should be given by you , Good luck.
2006-08-21 07:57:53 · answer #2 · answered by gentle whisper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The "big deal" is this woman wants a comitted relationship and marriage and you don't. So stop stringing her along! Tell her you never want to get married in the near future and that she should start dating other guys. You're a selfish person if you can't let her go and follow her own dreams of being a wife and mother. Glad you didnt' move in together; it would only become worse. AND...what the hell do you know about "marriage is downhil" if you've never been married???? Duhhh?? Do the girl a favor and break it off. You are NEVER going to be ready for her and you're just using her for your own convenience.
2006-08-21 06:44:59 · answer #3 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You gave her expectations. The first time she asked you said you wanted to earn some money...now that you do...you still don't want to get married. She expected that you will want to as this is what you said. You need to be very clear about your intentions as not to give her false expectations. Be honest and tell her in definate terms why / when you will be ready. This will allow her to know for certain what you are thinking and I think you owe that to her.
I can understand that she wants to get married. You have been committed for long and seems like the next step. Maybe you should really be honest with yourself and explore why you don't want to get married now.
It's definately not all downhill after getting married. Marriage has it's own unique challenges just like any relationship. Marriage for a woman means committment and maybe that's what your girlfriend needs. Marriage also involves the whole children aspect and this might be a need of your girlfriend.
My advice : TALK to her, honestly about what you feel and about what she can expect from you w.r.t saying I do. Talking is the most NB part of any relationship. If you ever want to get married, you need to get the talking thing right!!
2006-08-21 06:48:49 · answer #4 · answered by Issabella 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I hope that she dumps you and realizes that you will never marry her. I don't know what your problem is but you need to be fair. She is getting older and probably wants children and the biological clock is ticking away. After being together for 6 years and being in the later 20's and you are "not ready"......well, YOU are the one with the problem. Good for her not moving in......you just don't take anything about this seriously. In other words, why buy the cow when you can get the milk free. I would say that you both would bet better served by going your separate ways. You have different goals and life paths.......and you willbe sorry in the end, pal.
2006-08-21 06:46:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The big deal is that: you don't love her and you're a JERK. She could understand that you're not ready to get married cause you wanna earn more, but nobody understands why you don't want to be engaged. Why don't you tell her simply that you'll never feel ready to marry her? This way she won't waste her time being with you and find smb that trully respects her wishes. She is 26, by this age all girls start thinking of starting a family with the one they love.
2006-08-21 06:46:31 · answer #6 · answered by DreamGirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The big deal is after 6 years its time to make a commitment or end the relationship. Why are you not ready? Still want to play around? Then walk away from her and let her find a man who will treat her right. Grow up little boy.
2006-08-21 06:45:33 · answer #7 · answered by golden oldy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you not ready to think about marriage now or for another 3 or 4 years? What's stopping you? Have you considered that maybe your hesitation means you don't actually want to marry her ever?
As long as she doesn't keep pressuring you then who cares about your friends. It's none of their business whether you marry her now or not. Her saying she won't move in with you unless you're engaged is a cheap shot and essentially blackmail. I wouldn't advise marrying someone before you'd tried living with them first.
2006-08-21 06:48:52 · answer #8 · answered by Sindri 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hey, it seems like she truly likes you, but follow your heart. You might be putting her away because you're not ready at all! Try to tell her that you are in a state of thinking seriously first, see if she waits for you... If she does, then you have to marry her, that proves that she really lurves you, if not, then it might mean that she does not feel secure with you, and does not really have a strong lurve for you... follow your heart..
and no offence!
Cheers!
2006-08-21 06:58:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your a smart man dont get married untill you are ready marriage is FOREVER and so many women want to rush into it and dont think about the marriage in the long run, next she will be telling you if you dont marry her then she will leave its crazy the way women act when they want to get married stand your ground and if she really loves you she will wait untill you are ready good luck
2006-08-21 06:43:53 · answer #10 · answered by sweetie1995 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋