My son is 8 years old and has a dead beat father that he doesn't even know exists. I married a wonderful man that he thinks is his daddy since age 2. He now has 2 younger brothers that are from my husband and I. Do I tell my son the truth that my husband is not his real dad or do I leave it alone? If I tell him, when should I do it?
2006-08-20 18:35:13 · 15 answers · asked by tmae 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
At 8, he's not even going to question it. And if all is working out, then I don't think I'd even consider telling your son until he's much older. It's only going to cause him pain and he's going to be wondering why his sperm donor doesn't want anything to do with him. If all is well, I'd leave it alone, you can't fix what isn't broken. Your son has a daddy...leave it at that for now.
2006-08-20 18:42:16 · answer #1 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him now before he grows up and finds out. Then he will think you have been lying to him his whole life. Also, he has the right to know his true identity-no matter how it hurts you or your husband. Make sure you say that you were trying to wait until he was older, and you were afraid to tell the truth because you thought he would not love your husband anymore. This will soften him to your reasoning. He is already past the age it should have been mentioned. Found out about my parents at age 8 and I remember. I should have known earlier.
2006-08-21 02:19:44 · answer #2 · answered by AveGirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If his step-dad treats him as one of his own, don't tell him until he's older. Otherwise, pyschologically, it is better to tell him the truth when he asks. "Why don't I look like Dad?" might be his way of questioning his real father's existence and so must be answered truthfully, always adding that his stap-dad did try to treat him respectfully (if that is the case). Adolescents usually question more and you should be ready by the time your son turns 14.
Sooner or later the truth will come out and it is best you were honest with him all along.
2006-08-21 01:47:25 · answer #3 · answered by canguroargentino 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I WOULD MAKE SURE THAT HE KNOWS AND FULLY UNDERSTANDS HOW BABIES ARE MADE, AND THAT JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE CONTRIBUTED TO HIS BIRTH DOESN'T MAKE HIM A DAD, IT JUST MAKES HIM A BIRTH FATHER. IF YOU DON'T THINK HE'LL UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE I WOULD WAIT UNTIL HE DOES, SO THAT HE WONT TAKE IT SO PERSONAL. MAKE SURE YOUR HUSBAND IS THERE WHEN YOU DO TELL HIM, SO THAT HE CAN CONSOLE HIM LIKE A FATHER SHOULD IF HE'S UPSET THOUGH. HAVE YOUR HUSBAND TELL HIM THAT IF YOUR SON WANTS TO MEET HIS BIRTH FATHER-IT'S OK, HE STILL LOVES HIM LIKE HE'S HIS, MAYBE YOUR SON INHERITED SOME OF HIS QUALITIES THAT HE MAY BE CURIOUS ABOUT. THIS IS WHAT I WOULD DO IF I WERE IN YOUR SHOES--GOOD LUCK.
2006-08-21 01:48:47 · answer #4 · answered by Work-N-Hrd-2-Mk-It 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to tell him at some point. There is more to consider than just hurt feelings. If a medical problem ever comes up, his biological family history can become very important very quickly.
When you do decide to tell him, do it privately, where his siblings won't be able to hear. It will be a very emotional time, and he may show those emotions in ways his brothers don't need to know about.
2006-08-21 01:46:50 · answer #5 · answered by Rocky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your son is happy and doesnt know any different, he may not even fully understand if you tell him now anyway..discuss this with your husband because he needs to be ok with telling him too. I would probably wait untill he either starts asking questions or when you think he will fully understand then let him decide what to do with this information
2006-08-21 01:46:28 · answer #6 · answered by megs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tough question. My sister had a baby by another man, and has been raised by a great guy. The little girl is young, and my sister plans on telling her this : John ( thats her biological father) is your real father, but Daddy is the one who has raised you and been with you, he's your daddy in spirit..
2006-08-21 01:46:55 · answer #7 · answered by Marie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If not now, then when?
Have you been putting this off for years? He needs to be told, privately at first, just you and him, and his new brothers also need to know. Make sure you let them know that teasing him about it will not be tolerated.
2006-08-21 01:46:35 · answer #8 · answered by Bethany 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely tell him, although I don't know when the appropriate time should be to do so.
2006-08-21 01:41:08 · answer #9 · answered by Random Person 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't keep it a secert, both of might tell him together....you'll know the right time but don't leave it too long
2006-08-21 01:42:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋