Being parents when you are not together?

Question

what is your opinion (fathers and mothers) on raising a child when you are separated. pros and cons, your true opinion. intended for parents but anyone is welcome to voice your opinion. i want to hear both side. from some one who has full custody, and from the part time parent.

my girl is pregnant with our child but she broke up with me and said that it would be okay to be loving parents to our child but not be together. she would get custody, and i would get visitation. I personally am not to comfortable with this but i want to hear from other people, even people in my situation, i need some other views from people other than ex's and family.

my girlfriend broke up with me, i didn't want to end our relationship, i want to be there full time for our child, i just hate the fact that she wont consider making this work for our child.

Answer 1

a man should be there to raise his child no matter what the cost in terms of money or inconvenience, if you are married you should put your problems aside because your child should be your primary concern, you must do what it takes to work out your problems with your wife so you can be home with them, you made a commitment to your wife and to your child when he or she was born to provide, and protect, and be there to raise him or her. if you can not be in the home then a man should do what ever it takes and i mean what ever it takes to be in his child's life every day. no job, or obligation, or number of miles should stand in the way of you being there for your kid.

PS I have been married 21 years and i have 3 children. it was not always easy but i did it and so can you. I never new my real father and the man my mother married drank all the time and abused us . so don't let your kids be raised by some jerk guy you need to be there...

Answer 2

as long as you love your kids and let them know that you love them, and you make sure that they are in a safe environment, then you are doing your job as a parent - wheather that be custodial or non-custodial. what really suxx out loud is paying child support to an evil person that uses the $$$$ to finance a lifestyle for themselves instead of the kids and cutting into your income.
just make sure that the envoronment they are in is safe and healthy for them and love them. you can also participate in their extra cirricular activities - help coach a sports team, attend games, etc. demand to see their report cards and show interest in their lives.
an ex spouse can be evil and try to turn kids away from the other parent...hopefully yours is not that way, but always remember that the kids are wise enough to know the truth.
it will take some painful adjusting for a period of time, but you will get thru it and it will get easier. Honestly, the quality time a parent with only visitation rights spends with the children can exceed the typical parent - child relationship. it makes yo realize the true meaning of quality time - something that lots of children dont get in a 2 parent home.
God bless you and give you stregnth thru this~~~

Answer 3

Im not a parent but this is my advice. When divorce parents are raising kids they should support each other. Both should not be negative around each other. Kids can sense this, which can cause stress in kids. Supporting each other, if one parent is keeping the child let the child visit the other parent. Both should communicate about how there child is.

Answer 4

I am a fulling time parent even tho' we have joint custody. I do whats best for the kids (even communicating with the ex and giving him some access to my home even tho i don't know where he lives or where he takes the kids when he has them. Why? Hes good with them and would never hurt them .. his difference was with me. I even allow him to share his time with then and his new gfriend and her kids. For me, its what my kids need. Now if his new girl or her kids or my ex should ever hurt or put my children at risk, then they would see a different side of me. Children should almost always take priority.

Answer 5

I'm sorry your gf doesn't want to work it out. My son has 2 kids (6&4) and he is separated from his wife. But he spends a lot of time with them and she lets him hang out at the house. My son has to respect her wishes and be a man about it. We are all still close with her- she's part of our (weird) family. It will be hard when they have other people in their lives but when you put the kids first and don't let your emotions rule over your brain, it can work. I wish you all the luck with this!

Answer 6

my opinion is although the ideal situation is for the parents to be together....sometimes that's just not possible. Your main concern is your child but if the parents are always fighting......like i mean to the point of it being unhealthy,,,a lot of times that's not what best for the child, Also one parent can want to be together,,,but the other parent does not......and you can't force them no matter what...as long as you stay involved in the child's life...... not just cards and stuff but visiting them as often as you can...and getting involved in their life...they should be fine. As long as they know you love them and that they are very wanted.
But whatever you do DON'T ever bad mouth the other parent in front of them....that is wrong.

Answer 7

i have custody of my kids and he has visitation it sucks for the kids to go back and fourth and the two sets of rules,ect.i guess it all depends how well you get along we used to get along untill he got the girlfriend from hell and is sooooooo jelous of me and she makes my kids life hell too.my sons always tell me if they can have any wish it would be to have me and there dad back togher,its hard!when they have to go with him on holidays and stuff it sucks and birthdays you miss does too.they say when you get married you divorce the person you were married to not your kids,but it doesnt feel that way.

Answer 8

no such thing