2006-08-20 18:11:43 · 16 answers · asked by echolily 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i just want to add that this is in reference to the guy i am with still residing with his ex who he has been broken up with for a long time.....i told him that i cannot remain with him if he lives there still. i know there is nothing going on between them, but it still hurts me.....
2006-08-20 18:22:59 · update #1
The only ultimatums that are fair are ones that you make to yourself. For example: "If I don't get respect from my partner, I'm gonna walk". Ultimatums are blackmails. Why would anyone want to blackmail a friend, relative or lover?
Tell the people in your relationships what you need and, if necessary, what you will do if your needs aren't met, but don't phrase this as a threat or a demand. Why would you want to be involved with someone that you think will only satisfy you if you make threats? Ultimatums are selfish.
2006-08-20 18:37:08 · answer #1 · answered by Fred 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes and no. Yes because if the situation went from really great to really bad and the other person isn't even trying to help you fix things then ultimatums usually get them motivated as long they care enough about the relationship. And I say no because some ppl think just because their spouse or gf/bf does the slightest thing wrong they will give them a ultimatum each time. And thats not fair. It makes ppl feel edgy and guraded because they know they can't make one mistake and may just in the relationship right there. So do it when its something appropritate but not as a weapon.
2006-08-20 18:20:00 · answer #2 · answered by Bloody Kisses 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on the situation in all honesty. And the person you are dealing with, along with the maturity level of each individual. I'm sure most people are going to say no, but say you are in an abuse situation...we say "either knock it off or I'm leaving". or the easier ones like "If you don't put your clothes in the hamper, I'm not washing them". We, as humans, give altimatums almost every day...to cover it up, because it's frowned upon by society, we call them choices. So your question, although a good one, can only get the answer you want, if you were to explain the situation. Some ultimatums(choices) are fair, some are not.
2006-08-20 18:26:02 · answer #3 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's right. Love isn't about going through a checklist of things... true love is something that just happens naturally. You have a certain way that you treat things that you love, we all have different little perks to how we treat things we love. But to give someone an ultimatum... I think that violates one major characteristic of love- that love is unselfish. If you're giving someone an ultimatum, telling them that they need to _______ or you'll break up with them... you're not in love with them, only with something that you are/might be getting from them. True love just happens, and it isn't about what you can get from the other person, but what you can give to them.
2006-08-20 18:20:59 · answer #4 · answered by Matt B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ultimatiums are only something you should use as a last resort and you should also be prepared to lose.
Example: Your significant other is an alcoholic and you try to get them to change with no avail. So you finally say "it's either me or the booze!" So you better be ready to leave if he/she chooses the booze.
2006-08-20 18:21:49 · answer #5 · answered by Duende71 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it! ultimatums right up front. that will save a lot of heachaches relationships imo. people dive into relationships too fast with their emotion and never with their heads. they think love is everything and conquors all until their spouse farts in their face! then the reality slaps them right in the face. and what happens? they get into trouble like get cheated, didn't work, or too far into relationship to break up...
2006-08-20 18:18:56 · answer #6 · answered by erk m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ultimatums should be a last resort. They could easily blow up in your face and make things a lot worse.
2006-08-20 18:15:48 · answer #7 · answered by makeherwett 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not really. i think the moment you fell as though you have to use an ultimatum to get your partner to do something, its a sign that things arent good. you should never use your relationship as a bargaining chip.
2006-08-20 18:17:42 · answer #8 · answered by marcvialli 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ultimatums only mean disaster in a relationship.
2006-08-20 18:16:46 · answer #9 · answered by ncgirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
depends on the reason..If its to do with something that you dont want to be a part of then by all means do it!
2006-08-20 18:16:54 · answer #10 · answered by Babygirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋