I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder years ago. All my life i've felt empty, depressed, and worthless. I've been cutting since i was 8, i'm now 26. I got married last year to a control freak who put me down all the time, we're seperated and now i feel 10000 times worse. I feel like a totally different person. Usually when relationships end, I could just find someone else to fill the void or be sexually promiscious, but I don't feel like that now. I feel homicidal, suicidal, and just really ready to give up. I'm going off into rages all the time, i'm agressive, and doing things that i've never done before. I used to be a huge animal lover and now I find myself hating animals, sometimes I swirve to the side of the road to hit and kill them, then I laugh about it. Also, I find myself crying about 90% of the day and i'm cutting to the point to where I know i'm doing it too deep but it excites me and kinda turns me on. When I masturbate, I think about choking people.
2006-08-20 17:19:12 · 20 answers · asked by R@zorBl@deKisses 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I always had some kind of hope in my life, but I honestly feel totally empty at this point. I've always been such a nice caring person my whole life but i've turned into a bitter, mean, violent monster it seems. The thought of suicide and homicide turn me on sexually. I just can't help but feel maybe this is a sign that i've done everything that i've needed to in life and its time to move on. I honestly feel that there's nothing more for me here.
2006-08-20 17:26:26 · update #1
consult a psychiatrist
2006-08-20 17:24:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok, you are feeling as worst as could be. It is pretty clear. And yes, it is a sign, listen to your body! But NOT a sign that you have done everything and should give up now--its a sign that you need to have aggressive medical intervention as soon as possible. And I know its hard to go get it when right now you don't feel likeyou care about much including yourself. But you must care, at least a little bit, or you would not have written this for advice. So listen to that little part of yourself that is not ready to throw in the towel yet and run to the nearest emergency room. They will help you if you print out what you have just written and hand it to them. Just because you are not having a heart attack or pneumonia does not mean you are not having a medical emergency. You need a full physical exam and a new psych. evaluation. I don't think that outpatient is going to be good enough for you right now. You need to let others take care of you for a while so you can concentrate your energy in getting better. You are a human being and deserve to get all the help that medicine can offer. Don't settle for less! Even if think you can't afford it right now, what you can't afford is NOT doing it! In the meantime, try praying to God for help and strenght. You may feel all alone right now, but he has never left your side! My best wishes... and let us know how things turn out... some of us Do care, even if we haven't met you in person...
2006-08-21 00:40:50 · answer #2 · answered by TrueSoul 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I also suffer with DBT, and I found a therapy group that addresses that condition specifically. This has helped me not feel alone in my illness. It has also taught me better coping skills to reduce my risk of self harm.
I also see a psychiatrist on a regular basis to determine medicine benefits, if any.
In the past, I have benefited from both hospitalization and partial hospitalization programs, as well as a variety of outpatient services.
There are people who can help you research the many treatment options available to you. I began by calling the local crisis line to inquire about services available in my community.
You are wise to not give up searching for relief from your serious medical condition
I wish you success in your quest for good health.
2006-08-22 16:37:00 · answer #3 · answered by LadySlipper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that you should see a psychiatrist as soon as possible.
You may have gotten more depressed since your marriage and separation. Even though you are not with him anymore it would not be unusual for you to feel more depressed afterward.
Your symptoms sound like increased Depression and a great amount of suppressed anger. If you feel like you are not able to control yourself about suicide or harming others, go to a hospital Emergence Room where you can be safe from harming yourself or others.
2006-08-21 00:38:49 · answer #4 · answered by Smartassawhip 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you owe it to yourself to start creating a happier life. The first step will be asking for help from your doctor. These issues are quite numerous and it sounds to me like this disorder is controlling you rather than you controlling it. It sounds like there is too much on your plate right now. As hard as it may be to begin chipping away at these issues, it has to be done. Your happiness and well-being seemingly depends on it. Make an appointment and take control of your future, friend.
2006-08-21 00:30:18 · answer #5 · answered by K 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Razor, Wow I can feel your pain. I know that you really don't want to kill yourself because by asking this on the computer means that you are reaching out. GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!! Hey I married a controling man too and it is driving me crazy. I am trying to figure out what to do to get out , but right now I am unemployed and have two cats to worry about. I know that must sound funny, but one of those cats is 13yrs. old and she would die if she was without me. I'm sure she would mourn herself to death and I would go to pieces because I love her so much. She has been by my side through many hardships and she has loved me unconditionaly as I have her. I got married in 2004 at the age of 41 for the first time. That was a huge change for me because I was use to being alone and God knows that I wish I was still alone. I've always said I can bring myself down that I didn't need someone else helping me. Well my husband is a very jealous man and I am a friendly person that doesn't meet strangers. I got that honest from my dad. I could talk to anyone. Let me go in Wal-Mart or the grocery store, well I can't just go in and out. I help anyone in there find whatever they are looking for if they ask for help or if they look like they're having trouble with something often I ask is there anything I can help you with? God puts people in certian places. My husband does not want me talking to people. My friends don't even ask me over anymore because of him. I to have been very DEPRESSED for a long long time and that just isn't me. I know I would be better off without him, but its hard for me to leave right now. I've done my part in trying to make this marriage work and I don't think God would want me to stay here and be this unhappy. I've never hurt myself and I never want to, but I have lost a big part of myself and a month ago I was beginning to not like myself, but then I remembered IF YOU CAN'T LOVE YOURSELF THEN WHO ELSE CAN? That's when I dropped to my knees and ask God to take control of my life that I could not do it myself anymore. I still cry like you said all the time, but I love myself again. That is one thing I refuse to let my husband take away from me. I can't imagine what you must be feeling to want to cutt yourself. I wish I could help you. God gave you that body to protect and love and you know that He LOVES YOU ask Him to help you and He will He is always there,but you have to invite Him in. I wish you the very best in life and I pray that you live a Long one and I hope that someday soon that you will find happiness in you heart. I know that you are worth it and you deserve it. I am truely sorry that you hurt. May God bless and keep you. Maybe sometime in the future you will have a testamony to give after your life has turned around as I pray that it will. I will look forward to that day. Good Luck.
2006-08-21 01:09:14 · answer #6 · answered by sammie-john 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think all you need is the Homeopathic Remedy AURUM MET 30C thrice a day and you will be feeling fine in a few days nothing works better and without any side effects or complication then this gem of a remedy for depression especially suicidal depression and the feeling of worthlessness. Try it it wont harm you on the otherhand it will change your thinking altogether annd make you a positive thinking happy human being.
Totally Non Addictive !
Take care and May God Bless you with Better Wisdom Health Happinesss and Prosperity !
2006-08-21 00:38:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Are you on medication? Under a doctor's care? Please consult a psychiatrist, you need help a.s.a.p. Life doesn't need to be this hard. Psychotherapy takes a long time, but if you can afford it it's worth giving a try since you mention that you have felt depressed for most of your life. Good luck and take care.
2006-08-21 00:32:48 · answer #8 · answered by Celeste A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're in tough shape. I feel bad for you.
My advice, see a psychiatrist as soon as you can. You'll probably benefit from andi-depressant medication. Sometimes medication and psyshothreapy work well together, so you may want to consider that also.
2006-08-21 12:27:10 · answer #9 · answered by johntadams3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could you see??? a lot of people answer your question, and that means you are important!!! You are not alone, but listen all of them and go and try to find some professional help before is to late, life is wonderful and you deserve to be with us!! good luck!!
2006-08-21 01:33:57 · answer #10 · answered by carla g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in all honesty you really need to see a therapist or a pshyciatrist. you can find hotline numbers in the front of the phonebook and just talk anonymously if that is more comfortable for you but SERIOUSLY talk to a professional if not for your own well being but for others as well. be a responsible adult and get some help, you will be glad you did!!!
2006-08-21 00:31:57 · answer #11 · answered by broomy75 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋