How hard is it being a single mother??

Question

I'mk 21 years old and just found out that I'm pregnant by the man that I've been seeing for the past 5 years. We used to have a really strong relationship even though we've fought a lot and have since just been friends even though we both love each other very much. We just think it wasn't meant to be maybe right now. We still had hung out, had a more casual relationship with less stress and slept together for sake of comfertability with each other and not having to worry about straying to other people. I'm not gonna try to force him to be with me just because I'm pregnant now. I may even end up moving to be closer with family so he may not be around as much. I would like to know from experience mothers....I know of course it's harder to be a single mother...but I'm sure it's well worth it right and how did you cope???

Answer 1

Raising a child is a job meant for two! However, if the father does not wholeheartedly want to be an active parent, a single mother can do a better job alone than with a mate who doesn't want to be there. If you have sufficient money to make it on your own it's easier because you can pay for child care while you work. Or perhaps you have family members who will help support you emotionally and with babysitting. Good luck!

Answer 2

If he is a good person and you two are still good friends then keep him in the baby's life. It is hard being a single mother. The guy could be a great help. I had family around but they usually have lives of their own. They ended up being all advice and no real help. Now that I have a man in my life it is a lot easier. My son loves having a father. Even at two he could not understand why other kids had fathers and he did not. I am not saying make this guy marry you but give him a chance to be a father. Talk to him and see how he feels about it.

Answer 3

Im not trying to scare you but im a single mom and it is sooo hard if you can try and work out your problems because so many times I could just sit down and cry but I cant I have to hold it together for my 2 children and I just want you to know that I have a 5 year old and a 2 week old I wish u all the luck in the world.

Answer 4

Well, you will certainly have your work cut out for you. It is so much better to have two parents if you can. Not only does it mean more economically for the child, but it also means more energy for the child. You would be surprised just how much energy it takes to raise a child to maturity. Having another person around lightens the load, providing he is not just breath and britches!
Then there are the child's feelings to consider. S/he will grow up hearing the phrase, "child of a single parent" all of her/his life. You wouldn't think in our fast and loose society that this would stigmatize the child, but it just might. Society has always had this double standard and it always will. Selective schools even look at the names of child and if the mom and child don't share the same name they think, "instability." The child will want to have both parents too. Since you have a comfortable relationship with your child's father, perhaps this won't factor in so much as he will, hopefully, be there for his child.
Yes, my child was worth it, but I cannot tell you how difficult it was to do this alone. By the time I had my child I was auntie to 18 neices and nephews (I had five siblings) and nobody was excited about seeing him coming in terms of taking care of another child. So, where ever I went, he went. It made us closer and I enjoyed my child. I also didn't have to consult anyone about decisions like school, meals, clothing, toys, etc. Depending on how independent you are this can be a good thing because whatever decision I made just was the right one and if not, I corrected it without the tension of "I told you so."
This about sums up my missive: If I could do it all over, without ever having known or held my child, I wouldn't. It was just that hard. We can't turn back time. Life doesn't work that way. My child enriched my life in ways I can never count because they are too numerous. We are very close and I am very glad to be his mother. But it was incredibly hard.
Good luck to you. Best wishes for a speedy delivery and a healthy baby.

Answer 5

I think you already know. It is hard alone , its hard with the father, its hard when your young and its hard when your older too. Its just hard. Using you as an example, how would you feel if after all your sacrifice and worrying and trying to raise your kid , maybe a girl that she turns around and gets pg at 15!!! It sucks. But, if your guy that got you pg doesn't want to be there physically, make sure you do get a child support order. Because if he gets another girl pg , then she will be the one to get most child support. 1st kid filed for child support gets 25/30% and 5% for every other kid. It is not wrong to try to get support for your child & it works out good for the guys also because you dont have todeal with each other it is just set & not argument

Answer 6

No argument , it will be a hard job for you.

I am a married guy but I have seen lot of single mums and have got the chances to work with them when I was working in Manila.

I have found that that the single mums are more courages when compare with others. They seem to be much determined.

If you plan your and your child's future ,specialy finacial sector, it will be less heavy for you. On the other hand , as far as parents of your side pay simpathetic/ cooperative attention you can win the game.

You are not alone at this junction and all yahoo answer mebers are with you. So, sister think positively.

wish you and unborn baby good luck.

Answer 7

Me being only 14 I can tell you that being a single mother is hard I use to watch my mother struggle an I would have to help her with my little brother an I could see how hard it was for my mother an seeing her have ta struggle an buy baby food an things all by her self an I guess that's why I'M SO FUNNY ABOUT NOT HAVING SEX AN THINGS NOW BECAUSE I NEVER WANT TA HAVE TO STRUGGLE LIKE THAT at a young age so i guess some good came out of that an teaching me ta say NO!!.

Answer 8

its pretty hard, especially when your not quiet ready for a lot of changes. But it shouldn't be so hard with one child. I had 2 girls and working. My kids father just up and left, I found out he was cheating and in front of my kids. I found out he left them a lone quiet a few times in the car...or else where. My kids at the time were only 1yrs and 3yrs. old. Anyhow, I ended up losing my job, because I didn't have money for child care, and he wouldn't take them at all. I lost everything, including my home and my car. I just had my kids and my clothes on my back. The stress levels were so HIGH, I thought about suicide. I thought I was worthless and not a very good mother. Than I had a friend help me out of the hole there. They took me out, made my self esteem come back, went through counceling, made new friends, had found some one to give me rides back and forth to work and home and anywhere else needed. Found a place to live for a bit with my kids and self. Things really started to rise but they fell again, rise and fall...I started to think it was because I was stupid, and again started to feel the stress levels...but I remembered how much I loved my girls and how much they meant to me....They are my life...and I couldn't live without them. I held my head up and had friends and family who had finally pulled through for me, helped me completely out...and now, I found myself a new man which we're gonna get married soon, there is a lot of pain still there, but trust me, you will find happiness again! Just hang on to your child and love it like you need to love it.

Answer 9

I am a single mom. I understand what you are going through. Being a single parent is really a challenge, especially if you are working. I found that my priorities changesd to where I no longer was consumed with me but was responsible for someone else. My baby's father was kinda like yours. But I had a great group of friends and family that supported me. My friends would insistent on watching the baby and make me go out and do something for myself. I quit my job after my child was 1 and lived on aid. If the same situation presented itself, I would probably do the same thing. I enjoyed the time I spent. I got to watch my child grow and learn and walk and talk. I really was having a struggle with someone else telling me that my child walked or talked. Besides, as nice and kind as my friends were, as competent the sitters were; they did not have the same values I had. By staying home I was able to instill my values in my child. I found lots of free stuff to do and 2 times weekly, we went to the library for story hour. It was a wonderful, wonderful time.

You will do fine. If you feel stressed or overwhelmed....talk with someone. There are lots of support groups of which you can be apart. You will have to do some searching in your area to find them. Attend some parenting classes, which will help you gain some confidence in raising your child. Your mom will be a good source of information( be it good or bad). Read lots of books that will also help you understand what is going on and how to parent.

You asked is it well worth it? ABSOLUTELY!!!

Answer 10

It isn't easy, but if you have the support of family and friends it isn't bad. The hardest part is finding a few minutes in the day for yourself.

My husband and I split up when I was 7 months pregnant with our daughter so I've gone it alone since day 1. I moved back to my hometown and now she's growning up living a few blocks from her grandparents, aunts, uncles, great-grandparents, etc.

I wouldn't go back and change it for anything because I have the most wonderful 6-year-old and I get smiles and hugs every day!