what should I do?

Question

Im 21 and I know im ready for a child. I know that its hard but I really feel im ready. My ex of 6 1/2yrs has always wanted one and had continued to ask me and I said I wasnt ready. Well arent together but I still want to have a childwith him. Is this normal? Well on top of that he is in the military and is getting deployed. I try to tell myself that thats the reason why but it really isnt. I dont know what I should do? Anyone have any advice

Ok well me and my ex have talked about getting married we are just taking a break while hes on his deployment. We have thought and talked about it and Iknow he will be there.

I truely love him and we been through so much. I guess im afraid of losing him and not being able to share our genes with another. He still wants kids and maybe we are just thinking to much. But I dont want to miss out on having a wonderful child with someone that I well is just as wonderful

Answer 1

do what u feel is best for you. what is in your heart? talk to him and then make a decision. im 21 and im about to have a baby and i cant wait

Answer 2

Well you have to think why did you break up? Does he want to have a kid with you still? Do you think if you got back with one another it would work? If you feel that you are ready and he is then go for it. However my husband is in the army and we are separated right now trying to work things out and I am raising my son who is now 3 months on my own and it is not easy. Say goodbye to having a life, paying for babysitters, taking the baby everywhere you go. I wont lie it is so wonderful having a child once that child is born the feeling. But it is a lot of hard work especially at the beginning if you are alone I got no sleep the first month he was awake all night and it killed me it was so much to handle sometime I just turned 23. If you feel you are ready though good luck it is a wonderful joy. I hope I helped any.

Answer 3

Things to consider before reproducing:

1. Are you financially stable. Kids are expensive
2. Are you married. Studies confirm that a happy home with 2 parents is the best.
3. Are you ready to get up early every day for the unforeseeable future.
4. Do you have an education. Finish college so you and your child can have a good life. I have friends that struggles financially while I just quit my job to stay home with my daughter. It is very hard to have to live paycheck to paycheck. My friend with no money has started to resent her child because she is the reason she is poor and her friends are successful and happily married.
5. A lot of men don't want to date a woman with a child. That may not be right but it is true.
6. There is a stigma attached to mothers who get married out of wedlock. A lot of people will consider you used and white trash.

I do not feel it is normal to want to have a child with a person that you can't make a commitment to. If you have a child with him you will be bound to him for life. 21 is really young.

Answer 4

Its a deployment thing. If you really want to have a baby with him wait until you are back togetehr and he is home for good.

My hubby is in the Army I was 20 when I found out I was pregnant. We got married right before the deployment and I found out we had concieved #1 2 weeks after he left. Its very very very difficult to deal with the babys dad not being there for the pregnancy. if the thought of him missing your pregnancy doesnt phase you think about the fact if you are not married if he doesn't make it home your baby will not have a father. And the baby wont recieve any SSI etc. You will have to raise it completely alone. Deployment make people baby crazy!! just a warning. But really please just wait!!! think about it from all angles. Could you really handle walkign into a movie theatre 8 months preggo alone or even with friends and seeing another happy preggo couple together!! it happened to me and I cried my eyes out for hours and hours!! My hubby also missed our babys first 4 months of life. I got PPD because of the guilt of him not being home to witness every little thing.

Also despite what people may tell you he will not get to go on R&R or emergency leave just for the birth unless you or the bab ydies.

Answer 5

It sounds like your heart is breaking. Please remember that you are dealing with a lot of emotions now, but that part of being ready for a child is to know that the decisions that you make will have an everlasting impact on that child. My husband and I waited 8 years to have our first, then 3 years longer for our second. The youngest, now 5, was almost 2 when my husband of nearly 14yrs decided to leave. I was a stay at home mom and had very little college at the time. Now, 3yrs later, I work full time and am working on my prerequisites for nursing school. (what I wouldn't give to have finished school before I had kids!!!) I still consider myself lucky- I have parents that live close and help with my kids, but everyday is a struggle! I didn't sign up to do this by myself and I hope that you decide that time is on your side and you shouldn't have to do it by yourself- you will be cheating yourself and your child.

Answer 6

Yes, since you asked I do have advice. You have no business having a child right now when that child's father will NOT be around. When you and the father are NOT married and have no intention of marrying. It's not about YOU. It's about the child. What would be in the best interest of the child? Having TWO available devoted parents who love each other. Just the fact you are considering this because of your own wants and desires clearly shows you are no where near ready or mature enough to care for a child. Sure you could do it, but it's not the best thing for the child.

Answer 7

If you were really ready to be a mom you would put any potential child's needs above your own desires/wants. Ask if it is the right time for a baby to be born ? Will he/she be financially , emotionally and physically supported (preferably by both parents)? Will he/she be coming into a stable , loving family or will he/she be entering into a confusing , unsecure situation? What would be best for a baby? It is one thing when you accidentally conceive and then do your best to make it right for the baby BUT to intentionally conceive when the situation is not right is just selfish and the words selfish and mom don't belong in the same sentence. SO be sure about your situation before you make it his/her situation too.

Answer 8

Don't do it. It's hard enough to be a parent. You don't want to be a single parent. You have no idea how much work is involved in having a child. It is a constant lifetime commitment. Bringing a child into the world without giving it a stable home life (notice I didn't say married or rich or anything like that) is very very unfair to the child.

Answer 9

If you and your boyfriend are serious, and love each other, you should get married and then have a baby. Having a baby while he's away would be so trying on you. It was hard on me and my husband was home for it all. I don't think any woman should have to go through having a baby all by herself. You may want it now, but in the end, it'll be so hard on all 3 of you. So at least think of you unborn baby before you even conceive. It's kind of selfish to want one right now.

I hope all goes well for you! Good luck.

Answer 10

My father always says "if you don't know what to do, don't do anything."

The fact that you asked the question indicates that you really are not ready for a baby.

The baby deserves a stable life with 2 parents who love him. Don't deprive yourself and the baby of this by getting in a hurry to have a baby. You never know what might be around the corner.

Answer 11

I understand your need for a baby but is having one with your ex a wise chose for your baby? You are only 21 with plenty of child bearing years ahead of you. I would advise you to wait until you find someone who wants the same things as you do. I know single parents get by and do a great job by themselves but I don't know if you really want to do this by yourself or if you should do this with someone you couldn't even stay with. Having a baby with an involved father is so much easier.