I have a great deal of trouble getting my kids to go to sleep at night, anyone have a new idea?

Question

I have an 8 year old son and a 5 year old daughter that are "highly spirited". It does not seem to matter how much I stick to a routine, limit evening tv, and banish sweets and caffiene. I feel like everynight is torture for me. I know they do not act this way when they are with their father (which is everyother weekend). It is like they are determined to stay awake at whatever the cost. Losing priviliges seems to have no impact on them. I end up exhausted and feel like a screaming fool and that still accomplishes nothing. I feel like it is a constant power struggle, but feel as though no matter what I threaten to take away or do, they could care less. I feel outnumbered and frustrated everynight and would love to hear an impartial suggestion. Please help and thank you!!!!

Answer 1

first, find out why they won't go to sleep, are they scared? or did dad put them up to it? talk to them it can't hurt or get someone you know and they like to see if they can figure out whats up. bribing always works. what do they want most? money? games?

Answer 2

Well if you have a good relationship with their father you can ask him about what he does specifically that helps them go to bed. Summer is sometimes a little harder at night because it is lighter later, the kids sleep in, and the kids just aren't as exhausted from a day at school.

My kids all go to bed great, I suspect that it is a genetic predisposition since their father loves to sleep too. Two of the four are not "natural" sleepers and here are some of my best tips. I don't think there is any way to force a child to sleep and I would imagine that losing privileges makes no difference--my children are "spirited" too. Make sure there is lots of running around outside time early in the day, the more regular their meals are during the day the more "at ease" their little metabolisms may be to settle down at night. My mother's best suggestion is to go to bed with them. At five and eight they really don't need more than 8 or 9 hours and you could use it yourself! So set a bedtime for you all and everybody cleans up and goes to bed at the same time. Here is the rule--at 9:30 everybody is in their bedroom being quiet. No televisions, the 8 year old can read the 5 year old can look at picture books. You should turn off your lights and go to sleep. Make sure the hall way is dark and all other rooms are dark so that they aren't encouraged to "wander". At 6:00 a.m. everybody gets up no matter what time they eventually knocked out the night before. Many parents use "after the kids go to bed" time to get things done but I am guessing that with the current struggle you don't get anything done after they go to bed anyway. My husband and I go to bed with the kids every night. What they don't know is that occasionally after a little rest we get up again and take care of a few things that need to be taken care of.

We often find that with our early bed time we can get a lot done in the morning that other parents do at night for example bill paying, laundry, cleaning, exercising etc. The kids are more willing to camp in front of the TV in the morning with a baggie of cereal and a cup of milk.

Answer 3

My children had this problem as well. I finally noticed that they were wanting some extra attention before bed so we set a routine where each child laid down in my bed with me for 5 minutes of snuggling before bedtime. We set a timer. Five minutes, then bedtime when the timer sounded. We really looked forward to this special time alone. The kids knew they would get this time and were much easier to get to sleep after that.

My daughter still uses this technique with my granchildren. Even though, as a single mom, you are swamped with things to do, it is well worth the time it takes to do this because it is better than ending each day with a fight.

The first few times you do this, there will be a struggle, but stick to your plan and it will work. The reason why they may sleep better at dad's is because he has the time to spend with them since he doesn't have them everyday like you do.

Whatever you do, don't let this issue make you feel bad. Your situation and dad's are not the same. Don't make it a competition in your mind!!! You are doing great. The ideas that you have already tried prove it!

Answer 4

8 and 5?? its all about pushing boundaries at that age. I think the main thing is to be consistent and stay firm. When mum says bed time, thats the end of it.Take away there favourite stuf, tv's playstations, whatever you know they will miss. Your punishments may need to be a little tougher so they know you mean business. and if they still push, make the punishment bigger again. They will soon learn they will have nothing if they dont do what your asking.
Either that or id be putting them to bed an hour earlier and telling them that you have no choice as they are taking too long to go to sleep, so if they want to stay up they need to start going to be earlier

Answer 5

We have the same issue. We do the same things you do.... but we try these things too: (try these on different nights not all at once.)
1. Give the kids a small flashlight to play with. (Turn it off when they are asleep)

2. Lots of "sensory" this means hugs, cuddles, tickles, loud kisses, funny faces, back rubs are an every night thing. It sounds like you will make them hyper, but if they are ADD or highly spirited they need the touching to get them to sleep. About 5 min. no more. Calm them down afterwards with soft voices and soft kisses. Try it!

3. Don't eat or have fun things out in your livingroom or whever you are. Pretend to be reading or something boring so they won't want to be where you are.

4.Sometimes if they've had a nap in the daytime I put them to bed at normal bedtime, but I let them leave the light on for 15 min, so they can play and have quiet time and then its lights off and bedtime.

5.Forts are also fun, let them make one in their room and then sleep in it.

6. Mean what you say, say good night in a stern way (not a whiney way) and mean it. Wait in the hall way and make sure they keep their light off. Assuming they leave their night light on or hall light.

Answer 6

We use to have huge bedtime trouble too. We started a strict bedtime routine. We give the kids a15 min. waining that it is going to be bedtime. At 8:00 the TV and everything in the house goes off. We do clean up time and they have to get everything back in its place (we noticed that our kids keep getting out of bed if they can see the toys laying around). We then have them each pick out a book to read (since your kids are older you may want to pick a chapter book and just book mark and continue every night). We sit on the couch together and read. This seems to wind them down (as well as start good reading habits). Now they just each go to bed when we are done and they know what to expect every night. It may take a week or so to get them into the swing of things (especially the clean up time), but I think it will be worth it. Then you will get some quiet time to yourself. It also helps our son to listen to music (non stimulating) with his headphones.

Answer 7

Novel idea? Stop viewing it as a battle of wills. Stick to what you are doing- routine, limiting evening t.v., avoiding sweets and caffeine.

Unless they are out of their rooms, bouncing around the house, playing loud music (remove stereo from room), watching t.v. (remove t.v. from their room), don't sweat it too much if they don't go right off to sleep.

I assume they have their own rooms. You can sit and read to them at bedtime, especially good for the 5 yr/old. Send your son to bed with a book (or read to him, too- Lots of fun stories out there for the 5-8 yr age group they'll both enjoy), get him a reading lamp. As long as they're in bed, I wouldn't worry about it too much. You could also try some of those glow in the dark animals, stars or some other things to stick on the walls and ceilings. Makes having the lights out fun. Let them help you pick these out and help put them up.

Big fan of yogurt. Warm milk, as Sascha mentioned, is also great. - Take the battle out of it. Tell them they can stay awake as long as they are able, but they need to stay in their rooms, preferably in their bed. Get them up early in the morning and keep them busy through the day.

Have been where you are. Raised several who would read until 2 or 3 in the morning. Did well in school, still had to get up at 6 or 7 in the morning every day.

Answer 8

How early are you putting them to bed, some parents overestimate how much sleep they need. If you are ready for some tough love, I would recommend this approach. At bedtime put them to bed. When they cry ignore them, if they get up quietly put them back to bed. Do not threaten, argue, bribe, or anything just put them back to bed. I would start this on a weekend when you do not have to go to work. You are probably going to spend the first night repeating the process. The next night will be better and so on. Just take the approach of it is bedtime and you are going to be in your bed, if you leave your room I will quietly put you back as many times as necessary. Do not give any attention when you do this, just be matter of fact. Understand that they will fight you. Hang in there, perhaps Dad is not telling you what really happens at bedtime.

Answer 9

Try to talk to them about why they don't want to go to bed. When I was a single Mom my son was afraid that I wouldn't be able to protect him if something bad happened, like a break in. Maybe have the Dad help you explain that they are safe even though he doesn't live there. After that try to start reading to them and getting them settled down an hour before bedtime. Then get them to bed and make it clear it is NOT an option. Also talk to the Dad and ask him how he does it. Good Luck!

Answer 10

I actually have a three 365 days old and a 17 month old daughter, I even have in basic terms customary a similar ordinary's for them, they are rather high quality interior the room at the same time.. i say if it ain't broke do no longer fix it lol. Getting them to the right thank you to sleep even while there ARE interruptions or issues would be greater clever for them interior the long-term via fact there may be one right here and there interior the furture for them, say thunderstorms... in the event that they are able to sleep via eachother waking up and being loud then opportunities are high they might have the skill to sleep via a thunderstorm and not awaken screaming via fact they are so scared.. with a bit of luck atleast :)

Answer 11

You might have to start to get really tough... afterall, sounds like they are in the bad habit of not getting to bed on time. I have four kids, and here's what I've done... maybe it will work for you. When it gets near bedtime, I give them a snack like cereal (unsweetened) or crackers and some milk. I have them take the snack to their room and enjoy it there. Yes, I let them have it in bed if they want. I also have a TV in their room, so they can watch a short video (30 minutes is my limit) before lights are out. Then I hit the lights at the appropriate time. Sure, they can use the bathroom still... sure, they can get a drink... sure, they can ask me a question... but they always must go back to their room. I even tell my kids you don't have to sleep... just lay down and rest your body. I don't have to yell at them anymore, but in the beginning I did raise my voice.