My fiance & I got drunk & I am pretty sure he "silly-kissed" my friend. I am upset - what should I do?

Question

My fiance & I (dating over 8 years) went to a party & got incoherently drunk (which we never do.) My group of girlfriends & Iwere joking around on the couch, & he came in & some joke was made about "group sex." He playfully jumped in & I am pretty sure that he kissed one of my friends on the lips. When I started to sober up, I realized how angry I was, & I started keeping my distance from him. He thought that I was keeping my distance for other reasons & he got angry at me. We had a fight. I told him that I was upset because he was getting up on other people - he said "you didn't seem to care when you were drunk!" He hasn't returned my call - I am furious with the situation & am having trouble thinking about anything else. What should I do?

Answer 1

ok ok u need to stop right there. u said u dont drink so he acted in not so good way but u didnt say nothing then right so it didnt bother till u sobered and all it was was a kiss that didnt mean nothing.he is with u and loves u so dont lose him cuz of a little mistake.just no more drinking for u to. look what happens. if ur going to let this get to u ur going to scare him away and then regret it so u need to try and just make mends. im sure u all laughed and stuff when he did it.was all drunk fun which im not saying is acceptable but was mistake and u guys have to much history to risk it cuz of kiss that meant nothing.u need to calm down and talk bout it.no argue he dont want that.just talk and get past it.good luck

Answer 2

Did you two set the ground rules yet? If you're going to get married, I suggest going to a quiet little place somewhere and getting stupid drunk asking a thousand of these questions now so you can fight the fights worth fighting in a hypothetical sense. I'll give you an example - I work closely with a beautiful woman (I'm happily married and so is she), but she routinely kisses people on the lips when she's saying goodbye at the end of an evening, etc. Nothing meant. It's just her 'normal'. She and her husband are OK with it. For you, that would be grounds for weeks of hatred every Friday night. You've got to talk it out now and agree to the 'rules of engagement' before you can be mad at him for breaking the rules.

Answer 3

That's so weird... I thought I was the only one who got upset about things that seem petty to other people. If I were you, I'm not sure I'd give up eight years over a drunken kiss. BUT, I might reconsider this whole marriage thing. And I know you said you two don't get that drunk very often, but you should both definitely avoid those situations. But then again, if he goes out and drinks with the boys, what'd you think he does when you're NOT around?

Answer 4

give it a day or two to calm down. then call and ask if you can meet him for lunch and explain everything-- soberly.

sounds like this is a one time thing and, judging from how drunk you described that you were, sounds like he didnt mean the kiss at all. explain to him that it still bothered you. but keep in mind the fact that he was "incoherently drunk"--- if you dont he will get defensive and the problem will worsen.

remember the good times of the last eight years.. this is hardly a reason to end soemthing that special! just talk it through. and dotn forget that he LOVES you.

and... stay away from the alcohol from now on... that sounds like a good plan.

good luck! let us know how it works out.

Answer 5

Inhibitions are lowered while under the influence, so it not surprising that you became angry about the situation after sobering up or that he took a joke too far. Perhaps you can call him when you feel ready. Tell him first how you feel about him and then that you want to have a mature talk about what happened. The aim should be to figure out what you can both do to feel better about the mistake and move on from the situation...assuming that is what you want.

Answer 6

First don't blame yourself, he is trying to make you feel the guilty party and it sounds like it's working, NOT HAPPENING - us guys tend to turn things around when given half the chance to deflect the ****.

Talk to your mates and make sure it really did happen tho, vodka goggles can be a bit hazy, then do what anybody else would do and wait for an apology,

It's better to talk about thing's rather than doing the distance thing, I used to do that and it just makes the situation worse for everybody.

And ignore all advice above about not drinking, it's great !!

Answer 7

Sounds like you might have done something also... You may want to find out from friends... In any case Yelling at him was not the way to go. I think that you should call him and leave him a message telling him you are sorry. Course thats just what I would do with my fiance and you can do whatever you feel necessary. Good luck!

Answer 8

Drunk or not, it's not an excuse. No matter how much you drink, you still know what you are doing. I know everyone says "oh i was too drunk to remember" BULL!! they remember and if he kissed your friend so easily while he was drunk, what will he do 10 years from now behind your back? It sounds a little off to me. How about you?

Answer 9

You said fiance. If you guys don't trust each other you shouldn't get married. My gosh when people get drunk they do stupid stuff. Been there done that. Relax it isn't like you found him in the closet with someone. Marriage has to have a strong foundation of unconditional love and trust if it's going to last. And learn to communicate because most marriages fail due to communication problems. When you get married you become one.

Answer 10

First of all you should get over it. Second don't go out and get drunk again. And thirdly he was just going along with you girls. If you are that insecure you shouldn't have put you both in that situation. Are you mad at you best friend. Did she push him away. So sit back think how silly is was and get over it. 8 years is a long time to throw away.