Eye contact?

Question

I have a very difficult time making eye contact with anyone. I rarely look anyone in the eye at all, including my parents and brother, and even less frequently with my friends, doctor, people around town, et cetera.

This isn't because I am lying or hiding something from them; I don't think that it's an issue of self-confidence, either. Because I have struggled with this for the last six years or so, I think that it is most likely a habit that I got into when I used to struggle with self-confidence, and now I just can't break it.

This is a problem because when I go to job interviews, people tend to think that I am not interested or that I have something to hide, so I don't get hired. Also, teachers and other people at school think that I am not paying attention in class, so they get impatient. And it just makes things awkward when I am hanging out with my family and friends.

So can someone give me some tips on how to establish and maintain eye contact with people please?

It is difficult for me to figure out what would be appropriate and what wouldn't. I don't want to stare at someone, but I also don't want to keep doing what I am doing. So do I need to look people right in the eye all of the time, or keep my focus at their face, or what?

Answer 1

When you meet them look them in the eye and shake their hand firmly. That will set you up with a solid beginning. When you have settled down and into the interview try to look at them but don't glare. You don't have to be eye- to- eye all of the time. Look down at your shirt or across the room when or if you feel uncomfortable and then start again. You will get the hang of it. Pracitice at home with your family and in the mirror. You didn't learn to walk in one day and it will take unlearning plus learning to get this one down. They say if you do something 15 times in a row it will become habit. Best wishes and relax!

Answer 2

It can be uncomfortable for anyone to look others into the eyes for a long period of time, but it's something that you just got to overcome. There are some cultures that do not look others in the eyes as it's a sign of disrespect, but I'm not sure you could use that excuse. I always try to look them in eye for a few seconds, then I look away, and then look back. Sometimes it seems creepy to me looking anyone in the eye, but I know I have to do it to show that I'm following along and paying attention. They estimate that 80% of all communication is non-verbal, and eye contact is the best method of non-verbal communication. You just got to practice at it. It takes 21 days to break a habit, so get started right away! Sometimes you can look them in the eye, but actually be looking at another part of their face, maybe the eyebrows or hairline or something if that helps.

Answer 3

I had the same problem. Mine was made worse by the fact that I have a lagging eye, and, when I'm nervous, I tend to switch from my dominant eye to the other eye back and forth. (This really creeps my roommate out).

Just practice looking people in the eye while they are talking to you. It will feel like you're staring at them at first, but if you watch them and how they make eye contact (which you can only do if you look them in the eye!) you can get a feel for how much is too much.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Here is a little trick someone told me that helped me long ago when I was young and shy. Don't look directly into their pupils. Look about at their eyebrows. Practice this until you are comfortable and then move to their eyes, but it will be safe to back up to the eyebrows if you start feeling uncomfortable. This is especially effective and easy to hide if you wear glasses, but it also works even if you are closer. At the distance you'd be conducting an interview, it will not be noticed. Good luck!

Answer 5

I have this same problem..and it has hurt me with the women.. I know what you mean, sometimes I feel people don't believe me because I don't look them "SQUARE" in the eye..I still do it and I am almost middle age, so I don't know what to tell you unless a therapist may help..I get tired of looking at someone in the eyes is why I look around.. I also feel like I can't think of what to say if I am looking at them in the eyes, just didn't realize I did it until I got older...

Answer 6

Be bold, make eye contact with everyone around you. Pretend like you're a very famous person and all eyes are on you because you're so beautiful and everyone admires you. Act like you're in a dream and don't worry about what people think of you. Always look people in the eye when you're speaking to them and when you're thinking look away then resume eye contact. If you can not make eye contact with someone that gives them the message that they are not important to you. It's hard, i know but with a little practice you wont think twice about it because no one else does.

Answer 7

Oh, crap, I have the opposite problem - I look into people's eyes for little too long. Makes them feel uncomfortable. Can I just share magically with you? I really wish I could.

I don't do it on purpose. I just really like to know what people really think. Eyes tell it all.

Hmm, I suppose, try making someone uncomfortable by lookin gthem in the eye. After you've done it, the problem will be gone.

Answer 8

I have had the same problem, and I am extremely shy, but I am getting better with eye contact. I still feel weird when I talk to people and look them in the eye, but even though you'll feel weird, you'll seem more confident and "normal" to the people you're talking to rather than seeming less confident and distant. Just try to look them in eye when you talk even if you feel weird. They aren't going to think "OMG, tell them to stop looking at me when they talk". I still have problems but they aren't as often... it just takes a while to get used to it, but it gets better, as long as you get out of your safe zone and try to pay attention to making the eye contact. Doing that little thing DOES make a BIG difference to how you appear to others.

Answer 9

Until you are comfortable enough making eye contact, and you should practice with family and friends to help over come this problem, look at the bridge of the person's nose. It gives the appearance of making eye contact.

When you enlist the help of friends and family members ask them to give you a code word when your eye contact wanders.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Try working your way up to their eyes.
Start at the chin, work on that for a while until you are more comfortable then go up to the mouth, then the nose, then the eyes
Just take your time, It make take several months of just looking at peoples chins before you are comfortable with the fact that you are looking a someone in the face. Just be patient with yourself.
Good luck