What am I doing so wrong that my own son hates me? Is it just a teenage thing?I cried for hours after he told me that. What happened to the beautifull little baby that I thought would never hate me so?
2006-08-20 14:55:31 · 19 answers · asked by momof5 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It's a teenage thing. They all say that. And to some extent, that's what you want. Otherwise, you have kids that are in their twenties and they have it so great they won't ever move out and leave you alone. He's getting to you, and he knows it. He may be working you. Just tell him you are sorry that he feels this way, but as long as he lives in your home, it's your way or the highway.
Yeah... it hurts when your babies turn into people sometimes.
But once he grows up, he will see that he was wrong, and will appreciate you again.
2006-08-20 15:03:53 · answer #1 · answered by mia2kl2002 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only he can tell you that.
I recommend calling a counsellor or the local County Mental Health Clinic and asking for a Therapy session for the both of you. If you don't have a CMHC, call the local Health Clinic and see if they have a visiting psychiatrist, they usually base the visit on your pay rate, so that its relatively affordable. This will hopefully help to get to the bottom of the problem. However, him being a teenage, he most likely feels "controlled" by a over-caring mother (and when I say over-caring, I mean a "normal" mother who cares) its just that teens have a way of dramatizing everything, and no one suffers like they suffer.
He probably feels like he has no life, no freedom or no ability to do anything. Well, he also doesn't have to work, buy clothes, pay rent, buy groceries or alot of other things yet, either. But you'd never get him to hear that, because the problem can't be with him. Its just a natural response to being "near the time to leave the nest" and trying to figure out what to do. Your job now is to head him to something constructive, such as a trade school or college, get him focused on the future and not just a job "flipping burgers," which I am proud to say I have done. But I did get a job with the government and go back to college and get a degree.
The thing IS, its your job now to focus him on whats coming, teach him responsibility, how to balance a checkbook, to see how hard it is to make the rent, it looks so easy when all you do is hold out your hands for Mom or Dad to give it too you. However, GETTING it to give isn't so easy, is it?
Good luck, get help!
2006-08-20 22:10:19 · answer #2 · answered by AdamKadmon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just continue to love him. It's a teenage thing. I know it hurts, but he will come around. Don't push him, don't nag him to talk about his feelings. Just be his Mom. I am sure you haven't done anything to make him feel this way. Teenagers feel so many things...and they say things without thinking of how they will affect the person they are saying these things too. I have a son that will be 16 on October 6th. Our relationship has gone up and down. Right now I am the "good guy" while he "hates" his Dad and his new step Mom. He doesn't really hate them, but he lives with them and feels like he has lots of restrictions that are unfair. Some of them probably are, but he doesn't want to change high schools again so he stays there. As your son grows older he will start to realize that you love him unconditionally, he will value the relationship you have with him. I wish you the best. Take one day at a time, continue to love him, support him, and be his Mom...not his friend. He will come around. I promise.
2006-08-20 22:06:32 · answer #3 · answered by sleepless in the ATL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You haven't done anything wrong. Your the mother of a teenager. Most teenagers go through not liking their parents, it is just a part of growing up. MOST get over that stage of their lives.. If your son can upset you so bad(believe me, I am NOT judging..it happens to me too and mine are all grown) then he knows he has control over the situtation. You have to not let that happen, even tho it hurts you and upsets you, try not to let him see you cry. I know it is hard! But just remember that you are not doing anything wrong and your son does NOT really hate you. Some day he will realize what a wonderful Mom he has.
2006-08-21 03:00:38 · answer #4 · answered by grandmaL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a teenage thing....my 16 year old daughter feels the same way. She's assured her dad and I that she will NOT be attending college within a 4 hour drive from home. She's actually ruling places out based on that fact alone. He doesn't hate you, any more than my daughter hates me. He's just turning into an adult, and asserting his independence. I"ve heard boys are a little worse at this one than girls too, but trust me, girls are no piece of cake either. We'll both survive teenage-dom!!! Best of luck to you!
2006-08-20 22:49:41 · answer #5 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it makes Mothers cry when they hear this. But there is a reason. Are you on his case all the time, or is he rebellious and does not want to do , as you ask him ? Anger will cause a kid to say that. Try not take it so hard, as way down deep, I don't think he means it. Words are hurtful when we are mad or upset. After he cools off ,I'll bet he says, he is sorry and that he Loves you. Your son doesn't hate you, he is just angry because he can't have his way. Stand firm and let him know that you want him to walk the right path, and when he does leave he will find out , that Mom was right.
2006-08-20 23:18:04 · answer #6 · answered by Norskeyenta 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I can't answer to what you did wrong because I don't know you, your son, or what your relationship is like. But for what it's worth, my parents did everything right and I was cruel to them during my teenage years. I do feel guilty about it because they were awesome. Teenagers are awful, and I was the worst. Love your son and keep teaching him right from wrong no matter how difficult. That's all you can do. I so appreciate my parents for continuing to hold on and teach me no matter how difficult I was being. It has made all of the difference in how I turned out as an adult.
2006-08-20 22:07:04 · answer #7 · answered by Tertia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is just being a average teenager. 16 and 17 year olds think there parents are stupid and they know everything. Cut him off and show him how smart he is. After reality bites him in the *** a few times he will start seeing the light. I have 3 teenage boys I know what I'm talking about.
2006-08-20 22:10:47 · answer #8 · answered by noname 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to tell my mom that all the time when I hit the age of 16. I was just mad because she wouldn't let me do what I wanted to do. Now I'm kind of glad she didn't let me do those things. When she became divorced and let me do everything I wanted. I got into all kinds of trouble. Just be ther for him and no matter how much he says he hates you and wants to leave things will change when he gets older and he'll thank you for stopping him from doing things.
2006-08-20 22:54:03 · answer #9 · answered by Sexy VP 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are not doing anything wrong; he's a teen and although it hurts you to hear him say this; this too shall pass!!! been there; mine is 26 years old now and a father and has apologized many times for being the brat that he was so truly there is hope and all you need to do is show him how much you love him and let him know when the time comes for him to leave that you will give your blessings then; but for now he is in your home and has to respect you and your feelings as you respect his. and mean it !!!!
2006-08-20 23:23:56 · answer #10 · answered by wick3dwench 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋