Joke for you???

Question

S*X AFTER DEATH

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back & inform the other of the after life. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life. After a long life together, the husband was the first to go. True to his word he made contact. "Phyllis, Phyllis"

"Is that you, Fred?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"What's it like?"

" Well, I get up in the morning & I have s*x. I have breakfast, then it's off to the golf course & I have s*x again. I bathe in the sun & then I have s*x twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then s*x pretty much all afternoon. After supper, I'm off to the golf course again. Then I have s*x until late at night. The next day it starts all over again."

"Oh, my, Fred, you surely must be in heaven."

"Not exactly, I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona."

Answer 1

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Answer 2

Nice

Answer 3

Cute1

Answer 4

haha properly solid i have been given a sex shaggy dog tale for you wish you want it :) on listening to that her grandad had only died kate went and visited her nan to convenience her even as she requested how he died her nan replyed via sayin that he had had a heart attack even as makin love 2 her kate stated that it became stupid that 2 old people the position havin sex because it became askin for hardship her nan replyed via sayin that they used to do it to the sluggish %. of the church bells because it became only the right speed she then wiped a tear from her eye and carryed on via sayin''if that dahmed ice cream van hadnt come alongside he might want to nevertheless be alive at present'' :) xxx

Answer 5

Good one

Answer 6

haha i'm a native arizonan. darn rabbits!

Answer 7

lol never heard that one before.

Answer 8

Cute...

Answer 9

I DONT GET IT WAIT AM THE ONLY PERSON THAT DOESN'T GET IT FILL ME IN PPL.

Answer 10

funny