Do we need to lower our expectations when it comes to men?

Question

I was just wondering after talking to a colleague at work that we mustn't have set too high an expectation about men. That way, we won't get too disappointed if they don't behave the way we expect them to behave. For eg, i expect my BF to spend more time with me but he didn't. Thus I was very disappointed and fustrated. In my colleague's opinion, if i haven't set the kind of expectation, I would not be disappointed. I feel that why should I lower my expectations. Why can't he meet up to my expecations?

Answer 1

i think..expectations are unescapable in a relationship since each one of us has what we want in a relationhship..its a give and take then..you can't have him fulfillin ur expectations each and every time..its tirin..but sometimes it feels gd when he meets ur expectations..its these times that makes a relationship worthwhile and move forward..as the sayin goes.."absence makes the heart grow fonder"..juz do wt ya wanna do gal..

Answer 2

It depends on your expectations. No one is perfect. Don't expect all these qualities in one man... nice job, handsome, sexy, understanding, give you everything you need or want, loves you, generous, nice, whatever your preferences (an idea man). To me if a man loves you, faithful, and semi-attractive; what more do you want? Some women expectations are to high. But, the simple things should matter. For instance, if he spends 3 days out of a week w/ you, something is definately wrong. He doesn't fit the criteria of caring for you. Also, his actions must show that he cares and respects you enough to be faithful and work through anything together life throws both of you guys. A lot of women go by what a man says. Fk what he says; it's in the actions. P.S. to david s: that is definately not true... some unattractive and fat women have the best men... its the inner beauty that attracts two mates for a long period of time... it depends on several factors... you might be thinking of superficial characteristics in men and women... a lot of attractive and nice women get abused and neglected... most of the women in my family center their whole lives on being perfect for men, and their attractive... however, they can't find a long-term mate... I noticed in many relationships there are always someone that cares for the other more... it, also, depends on culture... you can be the most undesirable female and find someone that loves you and you love him... you are very superficial... and this is coming from someone who is attractive and has a lot going on for her, but my expectations were high, and I thought I can find better.... many times people take for granted what they have to find something idealistic... if you try to catch a good man w/ superficial things, the relationship will be based on superficial things and once those superficial things get old the relationship gets old... eventually, humans get tired of the same physical stuff over and over... basically, you need the guidance of the lord and spiritual connection not physical...i talk to a lot of older women (attractive and not)

Answer 3

Well there are two things:

No, dont set your expectations too high because you will always be dissapointed. If you think that your bf will be with your for breakfast lunch dinner and any other moment of the day, then its not the guys fault, its your expectations.

However, If the guy only sees you for like an hour a day and makes no effort to see you other then when he's horny, you need to dump him

You just need to find a happy medium. Good luck!!

Answer 4

I think you should be very straightforward with any boyfriends about what you need in a relationship. Unfortunately men are so abused in our society they aren't expecting much of themselves and women don't expect much of them. This too often leads to us ladies being really harsh and treating them like children! Who wants to hang around with someone who treats you like a child. Don't lower your expectations. Find a guy you like and tell him that you think he's great and you expect greatness from him! He may become great!

I met a guy when I was 20 and he was really going no where fast. No car, army reserve was his only job, flunking out of school. But he was kind and really seemed like he could go somewhere. I married him and 17 years later he is a physician assistant at the top of his field! So find a guy you think is good and treat him good and support him but always expect it back from him!

You've heard it a thousand times but when you find the right guy you'll know it. All those disappointments are the men helping you understand what you really need from a life partner! Thank each one in you heart for teaching you something about yourself!

Answer 5

Hi, as a guy I want to tell you that a lot of guys do have an independent streak that is sensitive about being dominated or controlled in any way. And I hate to say this, but that especially applies to being dominated or controlled by a female. After all, we are the "stronger sex". Diplomacy can work wonders, its often just a matter of presenting an idea in an attractive package. But also, guys have guy interests, even a need to be with other guys, it goes back to being boys and doing stupid boy stuff--playing in the mud as a kid, playing football as a adolescent, maybe working on a car as an adult. It is not a bad thing, its just the way we are.

Answer 6

When the bar is not set very high, you get exactly that. Low standards. You did not express what your expectations are, so I do not know if they are unreasonable. You mentioned expecting him to behave a certain way, are you speaking of proper manners or are you wishing that he would do or say certain things. Communication is the first line in a healthy relationship.

My mate is a man, and I appreciate all of his masculinity. I do not try to change that. But I can also count on him to be sensitive to my feelings because that is who he is.

I set the standard. I could have allowed myself to be with an insensitive jerk, but that is not what I wanted.

Answer 7

Thats like saying, just live life cautiously, that way you will never get hurt! And that is just wrong! We all have had people disappoint us, I dont think its any reason to change our expectations, it just means fish in a different pond. Besides, wouldnt it just be luck if you did lower your expectations and your colleague got the man of your dreams?! LOL You get the point...its never a good ideal to change for anyone or anything...all good things come to those who wait and are true to themselves. Keep it real hon and good luck.

Answer 8

That depends on your desirability as a woman. The more men want you, the better your options are. The best women can (and should) pick the best men as their own. And vice versa.

It's like bidding at an auction. If you have lots of money, you can safely outbid people who don't have as much as you do. But if you're poor, you can't get what someone with a fatter wallet wants.

If you want better choices in the dating game, then you must improve yourself. Nature gave most women lots of potential, but for one reason or another some of them don't actualize it fully. If you get fat, you're pretty much scre--ah, left out in the cold. If you develop a shrewish or petty bickering attitude, same deal.

The mating ritual is the market made flesh. Make yourself as valuable as you can, and you will get the man you deserve.

Answer 9

I have totally lowered my expectations...or maybe, I just don't care as much as I did before. That's pretty sad to say, but I didn't want to get attched to anyone that I was dating because I was tired of being disappointed. I gave in finally and am now happily attached, but I try not to expect too much from him. It only makes me feel like crap when I feel let down. He says that I am the guy in this relationship, he's always talking about how he feels like I am not that into him.

Answer 10

no u have expectations and as long as there not extreme they should be kool.if a guy likes a girl alot he would spend all the time he can with her. its should just be commonsence.so if hes not giving u what u want then hes not going to make u happy.if u lower u standards then u will not truly be happy.he may not want to do much and ur going to change for someone like that.so like i said if they are not extreme expectations then let them be.if he cant or not willing to change 4 u its obvious he dont care enough and u need to leave him.so good luck

Answer 11

well, we definitely can set too high expectations about men, and by doing that we'd find it hard to find someone like that, and almost impossible to find. you setting an expectation that you get to spend more time with your bf isnt a high expectation, and does seem reasonable. he should be able to put you first, but mayb he feels that not all the time, that he needs a chance to live his life too. mayb you should try setting a different expectation and see if he follows through. if not, you should find someone else and move on with your life. good luck.