Major, MAJOR family issues?

Question

my dad got engaged a couple months ago to one of the rudest, nastiest liars i have ever met. as soon as my dad leaves for work she becomes a major ***** and lies and says nasty things about us and stuff. when my dad gets home she turns into an angel and asks like shes worked hard all day and that we have been nasty horrible kids. when really we get good grades, do what HE asks us to do and dont behave badly AT ALL. me and my brother are 14 and 15 and have never been in trouble or anything. Yet she always finds things wrong with us. shes gotten drugged up and drunk and she cusses and smokes and is vain and arrogant. i have clinical depression and im starting to "relapse" i guess you could say because of this. What should I do about my step mom? Im thinking about spending as much time at my moms or my girlfriends house as possible including vacations? should i? any davice? serious inquires only please!

the only thing my dad doesnt like about me is the fact that i have a girlfriend and i think lyn is telling him things about my girlfriend that are nasty also.

Answer 1

i think you have a big issue. you need to tell your dad that you are uncomfortable with her being around you when he is gone and ask your dad to make her move out. if he says no, just remind him that you are his kid and you are very unhappy. then if he still says no then he is just choosing her over you, and you should see about living with a relative. you need your happiness, it is not good to be depressed at an age that young because when you grow up you could have depression problems... talk to your dad and make him choose.

Answer 2

A good counselor is the best thing you can do. Spending as much time away is one way to go about it, but when you're there, it will still be bad if you don't learn the coping skills. I can tell you one thing- I had a pretty bad step mother myself-your dad will see her for what she is eventually. However, these things have a long tail, and take time. It may not even be until you and your brother are adults. Don't do anything to give her ammunition and proof that you are the bad kid she says.

See a professional to manage your depression and family issues so you can stay on the right track. Don't be afraid to ask your mom to find someone for you.

Answer 3

This does not sound like a good relationship. I'd recommend you leave. To put it simply, if your husband was a good person and loved you, he would not treat you this way(and not let others treat you bad either). But I'll guess your 'blinded by love' or for some other reason you refuse to do the right thing, and will stay with your husband no matter what. So your best choice then, is to ignore them as much as possible. Should mom say something, just ignore it. She says 'blah blah blah', you don't even look at her and say 'It snowed today'. You could also falsely agree with her. She says you do 'blah', and you say 'why yes I do do blah with a cherry on top'. You could go to the extreme dark humor(I do this so often). She says 'the kid with catch cold with no hat on'. and you come back 'mom, don't be silly, he has no hat on so he will catch a cold and we can get rid of him, don't worry we can make another son'. And food, well fine, don't cook for her. Don't see how that would be a big deal. So thief brother in law. Just hide your valuables. And watch him. Never leave him alone. You can always do the classic mom trick of you 'needed to suddenly fluff the pillows'(or whatever) of the room he was in. And you can always set traps fro the BiL. The simple ones are just stack some items ready to fall, so if they are touched there will be a big bang. You can do a lot with string and fishing wire too. For more fun, you can find 'spy gear' at your local $1 store, with alarms you can put on a door, drawer or such. You should not overly much care what you get people like this for Christmas. I'd get them lumps of coal(got one of them for my nephew). You could ask your husband to buy the gifts. Or just get them gift cards. Or...if you want to have too much fun....get them an item that tells them how you feel. Like a DVD of 'Monster-in-Law' for mom. Or 'To Catch a thief' for BiL. And to go way too far, you can get the mean gift. If you know that they don't like X, then get X for them.

Answer 4

my stepmother is the same way, if not worse...she is trying to drive a wedge between you guys and your father and obviously doesn't want you around. there are only a few things that you can do...have a private heart-to-heart conversation with your dad...tell him exactly how you feel and what is happening. Let him know that you love him and do want to live with him, but you are worried about relapsing into depression and it isn't healthy for you to live this way. Tell him that if he can't figure out a way to make it better, you will have to go live with your mother(you are old enough to make this decision, regardless of custody/court stuff)...and that it is for your own personal/mental health...you should also talk to a school counselor or psychiatrist, as they can help you directly...

i know how you must be feeling and i hope this can help you find happiness :)!

Answer 5

So sad and that is the way it goes when another woman comes into your home. If she really Loved your Dad, she would do all she can to help you kids. Hopefully, your Father will sense that this woman is not good. You need to take your Dad off where you can confide in him and tell him. If you have a counselor , go and let it all out to him/her. You are big boys, so try to do all you can to keep peace. Stick together . But you need to let your Dad know that by his fiance, being in your home, it is not working out. It's his duty to kep his home for you boys safe and happy. If she is causing problems for his children then he needs to give her the boot.
Keep a tape recorder on hand and turn it on, while your Dads at work. Tape her when she is cussing at you. Then play it for your Dad. . Good Luck and I hope and pray it will get better for you boys.

Answer 6

First of ALL I would secretly record your step mom and show it 2 ur counsler and dad ... away of letting what your danger level is because I know hard going through a relapse is . Second the farther away u are from that woman or should I say monster ..the better !

Answer 7

Hello, I really think you need someone to talk to about all of this. I was never in a situation like that but my kids went through alot of the same things with their first step-mom and now are goign through the same stuff again with their new step-mom. Ya their dad sure can pick them. If you want to talk to my daughter she would be more than happy to talk to you. Her father finally told her to get the (F) out and never come back. That was two years ago and he still has not spoken to her and we live in the same small town. It is no_mercy_87 at the famous Y. Good luck and please talk to someone about all of this.

Answer 8

Talk to your mom about this. Maybe she can help you explain what's going on to your dad. If not your mom, then a school counselor or someone that can help you get this situation settled. It's definitely not good that you're relapsing and that's something that needs to be handled immediately. If your dad can't see who this woman truly is, you and your brother need to leave, asap.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Gosh, sounds awful!! You sound like such a nice kid, I hope you can work this out. Did you tell your dad? I know you don't want to upset him, but gosh, I bet you two are the most important things in his life!! But, if all else fails and he marries her, remember, try to be happy for him. You don't want him to be alone, and maybe she makes him happy. You'll be a grown up soon and will get to leave it all. But remember....communication is the key. Maybe start a converstaion like this....hey dad, can I talk to you about something....I don't want to upset you, but I want to tell you how I feel about _______ (her name) Then, tell him what you just told us. Don't judge what he says and thank him for listening. If you're really nice about it, he will be more likely ti listen to you without getting upset. Good luck!!!

Answer 10

You and your brother need to tall you father how you feel. Be calm, be clear and write down the major points. Your dad knows that you are good kids. He can't believe everything this woman is telling him. You owe it to him to tell him the truth. And, yes, you should spend as much time as possible away from her and you should tell your mother and father why.