Can someone help me with my old man?

Question

i am having problems with my dad. lately i find it hard to do what he tells me to do. i don't like it because he stopped buying me stuff and it puts a bridge between our relationship. if someone can plase coach me on how to listen better i'd really appreciate it.

it's not hard to listen because he stopped buying me stuff. i'm 13 and it seems like he never let's me do anything i want. i want to become an actor, musician, director, and animation programmer but he hasn't supported me in any of them
"throw the garbage out!" "Clean you room" "fold your blanket" "Do the dishes" "Get some exercise" i have gotten lazy, and i know it, but, mosts of the stuff he tells me, it's like i want to find out myself our something. He always wastes time doing nothing while i do everything, and i can't even succesfully animated a freakin' clip of bugs bunny.

and i don't know why i can't just listen

Answer 1

If you're a male, buy the book "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge.

Get it at the library if nothing else.

Answer 2

Ignoring the financial question for now (I'm sure you're not actually as shallow as you sounded when you originally posed this question), the way he is prompting you to do perform domestic tasks sounds similar to the way I have been known to train new employees (graduates in particular) to take on more responsibility and demonstrate initiative in their new role. You have recently become a teenager, and he expects you to look after yourself more -- this includes keeping your room tidy (and the other rooms, if you're leaving your stuff there; remember, that's his space too), exercising and managing your money to ensure you can buy yourself the things you want.

It sounds like you hate being prompted like this, and he knows it; does he give you a chance to perform these tasks yourself before he starts bossing you around? If so, remember the things he complains about and, if you have nothing to do, do something he's recently been asking you to (tidying, exercising etc.). Even if you don't necessarily want to do it, just tell yourself that next time he tries to prompt you about something, you will have already done it, and you can really stick it to him ;)

As soon as he starts seeing you doing this stuff (and keep doing it; don't just stop making the effort after a week or so), he will respect you more and stop prompting you. And once he sees that you can manage a small allowance for yourself, he will know that he can spend money on you occasionally without you being dependent on him doing so.

Once you've earned his respect and shown that you can stick with the necessary, chore-like activities, he might start to support you in your chosen areas of development (the animation etc.). He may be skeptical that you will not put in the effort to learn these skills properly, and that he might be coerced into buying you expensive software & computer upgrades, only to see you quit in a month (as many 13 year olds would do). So, do the stuff listed above and earn his trust and respect, to show him that you're more motivated and dedicated than most 13 year olds. (Remember that, while learning a new skill is a good thing to do, it only benefits you in the long run. You should be able to dedicate yourself to learning these new skill sets regardless of whether he takes interest. If you stick with it, show him what you're doing occasionally and let him see you improving, /then/ you can start expecting him to support your goals more.)

Good luck with your Dad.. he sounds like he holds your best interests at heart.

Answer 3

Daddy couldn't get you to listen, so he did something that he thought would get your attention. He stopped the money train. Quess what? He was right!
Mom and Dad's aren't perfect, and we make mistakes too. I have 2 kids. I asked them to do very little around the house, but what I do ask them to do, they do because they know I close the wallet too! I don't spank my kids, I have only had to grown I of them once. I tell you why....it's easier to be good, and do what Dad and Mom wants then to live with the punishment.
Say you are suppose to clean up the living room...wouldn't you rather clean the living room-then not get the new pair of jeans you wanted.
You want to go to a party, but you forgot to clean up after Fido. No party..why you didn't take a few minutes to do your chores..so you sit at home, while everyone is out partying without you.
So, sit down with Dad and Mom and tell them you are having a tough time doing what they want. So, make up some chores that you can do and will do. Make yourself a chart, and everyday check it. Get off the computer and go have that talk....and start earning those jeans, earrings or whatever to go that party with your friends.......Good luck....
God bless us all.............

Answer 4

You mentioned you find it hard to listen to him since he stopped buying you stuff?! Grow up and quit being a spoiled little brat. Your dad works hard for the things he has and buys you. Why don't you quit your whining and start appreciating what you have. You sound like you have had everything handed to you since birth and, to me, it sounds like you need to grow up and look at the real world. Adults have to WORK for what we have. Why don't you start helping your dad out and listen to what he tells you because he has raised you and he know a lot more about life than you do. Quit being so selfish and think of your dad. He doesn't HAVE to buy you anything but food and pay the bills so you have a home to live in. Anything above and beyond that and you should be grateful.

Answer 5

You are right about wanting to figure things out for yourself, but instead of waiting for your Dad to shut up, try demonstrating that you are capable of figuring out things for yourself, by doing some of the things he asks you to do, before he asks you to do them. I symathise with the part about the lack of encouragement from your Dad about the things you like to do. One of my biggest regrets is that I let the lack of encouragement from my parents stop me from pursuing my dreams, & now I am slowly changing carreers from a dead end job I hate, to the dream job, I wish I had started years ago. If you truly deserve to be a creative individual, such as an artist, actor, or musician, then you will be one of those things in spite of what anyone else says.
About the stuff your Dad isn't buying for you. He's probably trying to show you that while he is required as your father to provide you with food & shelter until you are mature enough to live on your own, the "stuff" is mearly a fringe benefit that he brings to you because he wants to make an extra effort to be a good Father & provider. How can he be motivated to give you that extra effort, if you don't make an effort yourself to be a good son?
About the listening, try this. Get ahead of his game, & anticipate when he's going to remind you about chores & keeping your room neat, & get them done before he can get on your case. When you are on top of things, go to him & ask him if there's something else you can do for him, like help him with one of his projects, mow the lawn, water the garden, etc. Try this for a full week, & if he doesn't appear to notice don't give up, or get bent out of shape over it. But af the end of the week, go to him & ask him if he's noticed an improvement. If you really tried, then he has to say "yeah". Then politely, & respectfully tell him that you are going to try to keep up the effort, & in return from him you want to hear an "atta boy" once in a while, & for him to allow you enough time in the future to decide on your own when things need to be done.
Actions speak louder than words.
Good luck.

Answer 6

You sound like a spoiled little brat to me. It put a bridge between the two of you because he stopped buying you stuff? PULEEZE!

Answer 7

Try to be open-minded and see his point of view. You may not agree with his ideas, but you can at least learn to appreciate his opinion.

Answer 8

At least you have a Dad, my Dad died when I was 3 years old.

Answer 9

because he stopped buying you stuff doesn't make him a bad dad you need to look at yourself and grow up i think your attitude has probly changed so stop blaming your poor dad blame you

Answer 10

its hard to answer with out more info. Are you a teenager? If so dont worry about its perfectly normal