What are some way to boost my daughter's confidence?

Question

My daughter is fairly young (6 to be exact) and she is already having trouble in school with boys and being picked on. She used to be a very independent and self assured little girl but as she gets more and more into school I'm concerned about her. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do to help rebuild her confidence before she gets to high school?

Answer 1

My daughter is 6 too and was so timid. She still can be a bit. But I have her enrolled in dance classes and then in the Spring I enrolled her in Karate. I saw such a big change in her. She became more confident and now she speaks more clearly and louder. I've enrolled her again for Karate this fall, plus her usual dance classes. I think giving kids a chance to find out what they are good at helps them to be more confident in other areas of their lives. I still worry that she'll get picked on, for one thing she's smaller than most other kids, and for another one when someone is mean to her I'm pretty sure she's not standing up for herself. But I think by having her involved with other things that build her self-esteem I am hopefully giving her the tools to learn to stand up for herself.

Answer 2

Well when i was about 6 (i'm almost 16 now) I was very smart and fairly independent. I wasn't very outgoing though. i didn't really get picked on because I went to a very small school, but i did have a fairly low self esteem. Dance lessons were a miracle for me. I started taking dance lessons and now i am very outgoing. And i have great confidence. Dance put me in a group that was united, so we all became close friends. I had a group of girls that i felt comfortable with and talking to. I started talking alot more. It also helped me to get good at something, which made me feel great about myself. i also got the chance to be on stage in front of alot of people. But what i am saying is dance lessons helped me tremendously.
I know that not everyone had the same situation as me. I was lucky enough to start dance when i was about 6 with a group of only 5 girls and we stayed on the same team by until we were 15. A dance team is great because you start to think alike and work together great! I don't know, but everyone else that i know that takes dance feels the same way. A dance team is more than just a group of friends, they are more like sisters to you.

Answer 3

I wouldn't focus on high school at this point - that is too far away. Things will be very different in terms of the the way that she will be developing and changing as a person in her teens for that to be of immediate concern. Right now I suggest that you talk with her about her day, and do it daily. Meal-time is a great opportunity for her to bring you up-to-date on what has been happening in her world but you can have a conversation with her whenever she or you choose to. You are obviously concerned and I am sure that you will be a keen listener but be sure that you show her that you are really hearing her. Give "good listener" cues such as nodding that you understand and occasionally saying things that are affirming, like "I understand" and when appropriate, ask information-seeking questions, such as "what did that make you feel like?" She will see that you are caring about how she is feeling and I suspect that this alone will be key to growing up with some confidence, as she will have received acceptance and validation of her feelings from the most important source, a parent. If she is having some real difficulties, particularly with other children at school, you should speak with the teacher(s) and administratoprs of the school. Ask them what their stance is on bullying. Most schools have adopted a Zero Tolerance approch, which means that any child who bullies will be held accountable and that any child who identifies themself as having been bullied will be heard and they are reassured that something WILL be done to prevent any future occurances. The fact that you want to help your daughter shows me that you are probably already doing everything that she needs, you are a caring parent. It is also important to remember that sometimes children do have difficulty adjusting to school because almost their entire world is changing. I hope that your daughter is able to voice issues if there are any and I am certain that you will help her to feel more self-assured just by showing your willingness to share her hopes and her fears. Good luck.
PS I have three daughters - 14, 11, and 5 and my wife and I have gone through our share of growing with each of them.

Answer 4

If they're only six you can tell the school she's having a problem, and they can talk to the boys who are picking on her. Its not like when they're in high school, and they'd "die" if their mother talked to the school people. They're little. They can "lump it" if they don't like it. Just tell her, nobody is supposed to be picking on anyone else. When it happens this is how to deal with it. People may think she needs to be able to deal with them herself, but the reality is in life there are times when the more vulnerable person must go to the authorities. Besides, what you do at six doesn't have to be the same as what you must do later. Now isn't the time to let her learn to handle these things. Now is the time to make her feel protected and spoken on behalf of.

In the meantime, how confident she is isn't necessarily about what you tell her. Its about how you make her feel. If you continue to spend time with her as if she's important, and if you try to just kind of create a "take it for granted" thing that she isn't a kid who has any problems; her confidence should improve. If you allow the situation at school to seem like a situation that everybody is too helpless to deal with she isn't going to feel safe and secure. She'll pick up on the "helpless vibes". Someone else mentioned dancing school. That is a great way to help little girls gain confidence.

Answer 5

Something is going on here that you probably area's aware of. For some reason she is low man on a pecking order. What you have to make sure of is that she is not being physical touched. By that I mean having things throw at her, hit, things taken away from her, pinched, poked. You get the drift. Being picked on starts at a young age and can continue all the way through high school.

Talk to her teachers and school bus driver. If you can, do volunteer work and observe who is causing her grief.

If you have a community park in the area with age appropriate programs, put her in gymnastics and art. Away from the group that is the problem.

You may have to get tough with the school and/or the bus company to get this to stop. I know you can do it.

As you can tell, I've been though this with my child.

Answer 6

First of all, it's just TOUGH being a kid. *hugs to her*
I would say it's important to keep reminding her what a special person she is and continue lots of positive talk at home.
I would also arrange a time to speak to her teacher/teachers about the matter. The schools my children go to send home "rules" and picking on another student simply is not tolerated. Remember you have options. It is always best to start with the teacher-if you really don't see things improving-speak to a higher authority.
She has a way to go before high school. I hope things even out for her and you. It's not easy on moms either.

Answer 7

My Daughter had that problem when she first started school. I tried to explain to her that some people are mean and you ignore them. I also explained that if something got physical or what not she was allowed to defend herself, but only in self defense. Remind her how special she is and how much she is loved. Mine is older now and watches more girl powered and oriented things like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which also got her into self defense. Wish I could help more.

Answer 8

get her involved in something like cheerleading or gymnastics or something that you really think she'll enjoy and be good at. my daughter was having such a problem with her self confidence that she did really bad in school last year. this year i've put her in cheerleading and it's actually helped.

i was picked on really bad back when i was in elementary school. when my mother tried to do something about it she was told "kids will be kids". thank god now though that is not how it is handled at all. talk to her teacher and be sure that she isn't being physically harmed in any way. talk to her and make sure she knows how to stand up for herself verbally.

most of all, tell her how beautiful and wonderful she is every single day. remind her of how much you love and support her in all that she does.

Answer 9

My son had this problem when he started school. Just remind your daughter that she is very special to a lot of people. The boys will stop teasing her as they get to know her. Let her talk to you about everything that happens. Be her shoulder to cry on (I'm sure you already are) Tell her that time will pass quickly and she will have plenty of friends, boys & girls before she knows it! Best of luck to her!
((Hugs))

Answer 10

If my 4 year previous had self belief topics i imagine i'd be questioning my parental skills heavily! Its a shaggy dog tale Why would giving a 4 year previous a tan make her sense any extra positive? i imagine the mummy has topics not the newborn.