Ok, so a couple days ago I found this pretty cute girl on the internet. We barely talked and she was all up for meeting me and last night she convinced me to go out to her place. She's 21, got married and pregnant and then divorced after just a couple months. Apparently the guy just was after her because her family is really wealthy. So we go to the drivein, barely even talk and then the next thing I know, we're fooling around, have sex a few times, and just cuddle and she tells me all this personal stuff about her life. I just got out of a really serious one year relationship literally a few days ago, so this night was a little overwhelming for me. Then on the way back she called me a couple times just because she couldn't sleep. And today she's already talked to me online a few times and has called also. She keeps talking about how we should to to the mall next weekend and to the fair and she wants to hang out with my friends. We just met, what's going on here? Help!
2006-08-20 12:09:53 · 44 answers · asked by C 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Oooh, sorry, this is a very important point I need to clarify. She is a few months pregnant and plans on having the baby and then giving it up for adoption!
2006-08-20 12:10:54 · update #1
WOAH dude, you got yourself in this mess.She's very vulnerable right now, so she's probably clinging to anyone who shows her affection. You can be there for her (like a respectable guy). but do explain your situation to her. You're not ready to start seeing anyone right now. Since she just had her heartbroken, she should understand. Talk to her every once in a while, so it doesn't seem you're totally deserting her. She doesn't need that right now.
2006-08-20 12:16:45 · answer #1 · answered by gravytrain036 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You guys obviously had different ideas of what your relationship was. If you were just looking for a one-night stand, you got it, and you can move on...but that would make you a pig, and you don't sound quite like that type. She is obviously looking for long term security with a guy who will take her for what she is. Maybe she thinks now that she is pregnant nobody will want her, and when you came along, she thought she'd hold on as tight as she could. So, what do you want? Do you like her? Cause it sounds like she could really use someone to lean on at this point in her life. But if you really don't care for her, don't get her hopes up. That would hurt her even more than a break-off. It really depends on how you feel. And if you do end it now...shame on you for having sex with her a couple times already! Decent girls usually take that as a sign that you are committed to them!
Well, i hope things turn out for the best! ...whatever it is.
2006-08-20 12:22:19 · answer #2 · answered by peakfreak 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a very scared and confused girl there, reaching out where ever she can. Is there some way that you can find her some help? I don't think you should sleep with her again, but maybe you can get her in touch with a mother's club or support group of un wed mothers where she can get some strength and counseling from others who have been there. This is not something that you will be able to help her with - even if you were inclined to just marry her and take care of her, which it sounds like you are not - she needs to do this herself. Finding another man to lean on is not going to be the answer.
If you want to help, I would look around online or in your community for an organization that might point you in the right direction (even planned parenthood might give you a group to call) to get her involved with a group that can help an unwed mother cope with her situation.
She is now a boiling bag of hormones, stress and fear - and she is not yet 1/2 way to baby time. If she is giving the child up for adoption, she might be able to find a place to stay and take care of her (not because of need it seems, but for the support and privacy maybe) where she can have some peace and rest.
This is a tough situation, I hope you don't just walk - it sounds like she could really use a friend. Don't get too close - try to help, offer some info or contacts, but don't sleep with her or even feel obligated to be her friend for long. You could make all the difference in her life and the life of her child by giving her a couple more hours of your time, even.
Peace!
PS - Ladies, you can't honestly say that this poor man has to be something to this woman, simply because she tricked him into sleeping with her before he knew enough about her? It sounds like strategy to me, designed to put him in a "difficult" situation. She doesn't want to do this kid thing alone (none of us do!) and she needs to get someone NOW before she is showing. It would cross my mind in her situation. Fear will inspire all sorts of ideas that seem dead clever.
Of course, now is the time to stop sleeping with her (now that you know) if you do not intend to be a part of her life.
Please - of course he did it. It sounds like after very few words, too. That kind of thing can be intoxicating - many of us would succumb to that kind of magic (and some even get away with a beautiful story).
2006-08-20 12:23:27 · answer #3 · answered by carole 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She is drowning and clinging to you like a life raft. I can't believe that you would have sex with a person who obviously doesn't use condoms and is pregnant to BOOT!
Shame on you. Haven't you ever heard the saying "never shoplift the pooty off a single mother"? That means no sex with single mothers unless you are in for the long haul, plan to marry her and raise her child as your own. Why? Because you avoid what's happening to you now.
You need to thank your lucky stars this girl is ALREADY pregnant. That's the only thing keeping her from having your baby 9 months from now.
2006-08-20 12:19:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Run, run, run! You should have ran away, as soon as you found out she was crazy enough to go through all the pain, and then give a baby's life up to adoption??? No way, do not talk to her, or go anywhere with her. Tell her she's too fast for you, ( you could have helped not being fast either), and that you just got out of a serious relationship.
2006-08-20 12:16:43 · answer #5 · answered by Summerbaby 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OK...first off job hunter...it's not his kid..duh! he's only known her for a couple of days and she's a few months pregnant. Now for you osiris....maybe you should stop porkin someone you don't even know or the next time it will be your kid. You're crazy if you continue to see this one. She obviously has some issues. Try actually having a relationship with someone first before getting all sexual because most girls who you can pork on the 1st date will end up also having issues.
2006-08-20 12:16:23 · answer #6 · answered by funlady6632@yahoo.com 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, she is on the rebound and looking for a new guy,she is also very insecure. @nd WHY DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH HER ON THE FIRST DATE. Not smart dude not smart at all. She thinks you really care about her which you don't because you barely know her. If I were a guy I would tell her the truth now. You aren't ready fjor a commitment of any kind right now
2006-08-20 12:26:33 · answer #7 · answered by teresa.hereford@sbcglobal.net 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After a breakup, even of a bad relationship, you have a since of loss and loneliness. So some attach themselves to the first person that comes along. Just tell her the truth you had a nice time but you aren't ready for another relationship.
2006-08-20 12:16:25 · answer #8 · answered by wantoxcape 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should be honest with her and tell her the truth about how you are feeling, if you do not like her how she likes you, then please don't lead her on, but if you do like her, but want to go a little slower then tell her that too, but whatever you feel, figure it out first and then talk to her and be honest in a respectful way and in the nicest way possible and then stick to what you say. Good Luck. and is she having the abortion because she thinks that that is what you want, since it's not your baby or is she doing it because she just doesn't want the child, it's not really your business since it's not yours, but just look at what she is doing and how she is acting and figure out what you want to do. Good Luck!
2006-08-20 12:21:30 · answer #9 · answered by caramel_angelkiss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds a bit unstable, and it seems like she has a lot of issues to deal with. It doesn't seem like she is capable (right now) of being in a healthy relationship.
Since you are just out of a longterm serious relationship, it seems like it'd be good for you to take a break from the dating scene for a while too, just to get things straightened out and allow yourself healing time.
If you really have to date, or are looking for a rebound relationship, she doesn't sound like a good person to go for -- too unstable! Seems like there's potential for a lot of negative, stressful drama if you stick around her too long.
2006-08-20 12:16:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋