My husband is an works alot (leaves the house at 7 and home at 8) and on weekends he finds time to golf and do other things away from me and our 2 young boys(2&3)and he just does not GET IT... I am at my wits end trying to get him to spend more time with us! Please help!!!!!!!!
2006-08-20 10:52:57 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I understand what you are going through. My husband is a physician and leaves the house early and doesn't get home until late.
Do you guys have at least one day a week that you spend as a family? Ours is Sunday. We go to church together and then will have a meal together (out or at home).
I can't say I have to deal with a husband who goes out golfing, but I also know that men have to deal with their stress in differing ways.
Do you nag at your husband to spend more time with the kids and you? If you do, chances are, he doesn't want to be stressed all day at work then come home and listen to what else he's not doing right.
Men need their ego's stroked. As much as women don't like to do it, they need it. You will see a different man once you do this.
Are you waking up early and preparing his breakfast or at least sitting at the table with him? You can always put the kids to bed earlier and get them up before he leaves and have breakfast together as a family.
Maybe you can find something he likes to do, such as golf, and learn how to do it, or show an interest in it. Take lessons yourself, ask him questions about it. Ask how his game was. if you show an interest in his interests, maybe he'll be more apt to want to share things with you that interest him.
A lot of women (me included at times) don't want to take the submissive role, but when our men know we need them (and not in a naggy way, but in a true way), they feel like the big powerful man who can swoon his little lady and be the hero.
Now, on the other hand, if your husband blatently says to you that he doesn't want to spend time with you or the children, first, find out why. Ask him point blank. Tell him (nicely) that you love him so much and you want to spend time with him and that the children love him and need his influence on their lives because he's such a wonderful man. If he is flat out telling you that he doesn't want to spend time with you, then I would suggest marriage counselling if you don't want to throw in the towel, or an attorney if you feel there is no hope.
2006-08-20 11:09:58 · answer #1 · answered by Sara 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband sounds like an insensitive @ss. Tell him you are unhappy and ask him to go to counseling with you. If he refuses, go alone. You definately need input from an outside source.
Don't have any more children until you have your marriage straightened out. You would really be stuck if you got pregnant again.
I assume after all this ignoring you and golfing etc. he still wants to roll over on you at night. Talk about killing romance, this jerk has done it.
You should also consider that he has a girlfriend. There is some reason he is avoiding being emotionally intimate with you and you need to find out why and address the issue.
Seek counseling immediately with or without him. Good luck.
2006-08-20 11:04:59 · answer #2 · answered by joker_32605 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how long has this been going on?
if this is a new development, then it might not be too late to salvage your marriage.
ask him to take a day off of work so that you two can have some time together. tell him that you have missed spending time with him and that you appreciate how hard he works to provide for you and the kids, but he needs to take a break.
if he makes excuses and says no, then he is cheating on you and he doesn't love you or your children. in that case, serve him with the divorce papers and milk him for every penny.
as far as him not even being able to afford golf... i doubt that golf is what he's been up to.
2006-08-20 11:17:38 · answer #3 · answered by miss advice 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello. I had the same problem for a while. My husband and I took in our 7 year old nephew. We dont have any kids of our own, so becomming this parent to a 7 year old was quiet a change in our lives. My husband works and I was laid off for the winter now I am a housewife/mother. At first my husband wasnt spending any time at home. He would come home from work and then take off to a buddies house or his dads or go fishing. I had finally had enough of it. I was tired and crankey and really getting p.o'ed at him for dumping all the responsibility on parenthood and household chores and the bills and cooking and cleaning etc, on me alone and him getting a chance to keep his normal life. I sat down and explained to him that we both decided to bring our nephew into our home that he was both of our responsibility and that we missed him and we wanted to spend time togeather as a family. We calmly talked for a while and decided that Sundays were going to be "family days". So now every Sunday I get up and make a nice big breakfast. We meet with our parents at the local coffee shop and talk and visit for a while then we spend the rest of the day doing whatever. It doesnt matter as long as were togeather doing it. Maybe try that . . explaine to you hubby that you both made a conscience decission to bring your children into this world and that you need time with him. Maybe set up a day for family day or if that not possiable one night after work family night
best of Luck
2006-08-20 11:15:30 · answer #4 · answered by lala g 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear that. you need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel you have little boys and they need to be around thier father. If he dosent still tell him if is not willing to be a father for those boys you will find someone else who will.Its not fair to you and those precious little boys. If he still dosent then its time to put you walking shoes on and walk right outta there. Some men get the wrong concept of being a father and the is just sick, I know someone just like that and he not only has 11 kids by 7 different women, he is still cheating never home. Alot of boys (I'll call them) need to grow up and take responsibility for their own, They enjoyed while they were doing it they should enjoy them while they have them. Maybe he dosent see that he will get old and need them to do things for him. Good luck and no matter what take care of those kids cause they will make you proud
2006-08-20 11:09:55 · answer #5 · answered by Robyn D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U say he work all week and that is good.But u are wright ...He needs to do family time with u and the kids on the weekends. He don't need to do it all the time. I had the say problem before and now i don't need to ask him the mush . He will do it. U need to show him who is the boss in the house. Because u are with the kids all day. So if that don't work Just on weekend try to get your friend to take u out for the weekend and this way he as no choose but take his kids. Tell him how u see things. And if he don't change tell he that i didn't make this kids by myself dam it.
2006-08-20 11:30:34 · answer #6 · answered by cookie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what you should do my husband was the same way for about 14 yrs. Then he got sick and now he is disabled and we are together 24/7 and it is really strange. The only thing that you can do is make dates with him and get a babysitter .You know tell him you and him are going to the movies Saturday and you already got a babysitter . If you want him to spend time with the whole family do the same thing. Tell him you already have this Saturday planned out. You are all going to a Water Park or something-good luck.
2006-08-20 11:02:35 · answer #7 · answered by gee-geeofmo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This a hard question to answer because there can be many reasons why he's acting this way. Ask him why he doesn't want to spend time with his children in a nonjudgemental tone. Try to remain calm and not be drawn into a fight so you can get an answer. Once you know why he doesn't want to spend time with his children it will be easier to think of a solution. There may not be a solution because he has to WANT to spend time with his family.
2006-08-20 11:06:46 · answer #8 · answered by dalelynn21 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's self-centered. He is not nurturing and putting forth enough effort in his relationship with you and his children. Evidently you have discussed your dissatisfaction with him on this issue to no avail since you said your at your wits end. If he just wants to do his own thing why did he get married and have a family? Have you considered divorcing him if things to change?
2006-08-20 12:29:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best solution is to get a babysitter and get tickets to a movie or concert. Have fun and remind you husband to have fun. People are too into their job but they need a day or even an evening out. Go to a restaurant that only adults go to. Dance.
2015-04-13 06:53:37 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋