I'm 19, and I recently started dating a 36 year old guy. We've been dating for a few months now, and I really like him, and his 3 kids. My biggest concern is that his daughter is only 5 years younger than me. She really likes me too, and we all get along like one big happy family. But will that be a problem? And if it doesn't seem like a problem, then how do I tell my parents about him when the time comes?
2006-08-20 07:14:59 · 65 answers · asked by alanna801 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
That is a huge age difference. Don't get too close to this man. You're so young and still have a lot of things to experience before settling down.
2006-08-20 07:19:47 · answer #1 · answered by dolphin2253 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It has been my experience that Age is not a problem. You are 19 and in all aspects, must be considered a mature adult. You have your entire life before you and you must do what you feel will best make your life a success. As an example, would you rather have a relationship with a 19 year old boy, or a man who has had some life experience.
It is a well known fact that girls mature sooner than boys.
My question in this relationship is in regards to his children. The how and why of a single man with three kids is the most important aspect of this relationship.
Forget about his age and concentrate on him as an individual. Some of the most perfect relationships have been between much older people and much younger people. It is a matter of the sum total of the individuals involved that makes for success or failure.
As far as your parents are concerned, I know of no one over 18 that can really place too much emphasis upon the opinions or views of their parents, unless they are still tied to the nest.
If you must leave the nest to pursue a relationship that you have really thought about and still want, then just do it..
2006-08-20 07:28:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The age is not the most important factor. Maturity is much more important than age. Usually a 19 year old woman is not as mature as a 36 year old and is not as prepared for all the ups and downs in a long term committed relationship. You may not know what you want or expect out of your relationship as well as your boyfriend does. I'm not saying anything specific or making any judgments because I don't know you or anything about you, but I am just speaking in generalities and from my own experience. If you do know what you are getting into, go for it. It will either work out good for you or you will learn a powerful life lesson. The other part of your question, involving your parents, is simple. It shouldn't matter what they say as long as you are sure about your decision. At 19, you are an adult. You shouldn't worry so much about what they have to say. If your relationship becomes a lasting one, than you were right to go ahead with it. If it doesn't and if you have good parents, they will be there for you to help pick up the pieces.
2006-08-20 07:29:50 · answer #3 · answered by royal_fryer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with what your doing. Age should never be a factor when you love someone. This man could very well be your soulmate. Do you want to risk losing a good man because of your age difference? Society makes this age thing a big deal when it's not a big deal at all. Your a grown woman now, you make your own choices. It doesn't matter if his daugeter is just a couple of years younger than you. That's not going to change anything unless you let it. If your parents have a problem with this then that's their problem not yours. They don't have to agree with it, but they should be happy for you, and respect your decisions no matter what. Don't make this hard for yourself because it doesn't have to be. You continue to love this man and his kids, and do what you have been doing. It's so hard for some people to meet the right man or woman that they connect with. Don't lose this man over something minor as age difference. I'm talking from experiencce, I have always dated older men, and I love it. Nobody was ever going to tell me what was right and what was wrong when it came to that. I wish you the best with this!!!!
2006-08-20 07:28:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey you're only 19 with no kid's of your own, this is baggage in a long run it's going to be a real problem. the 5 year old will be looking at you as a big sister, and he will put you right there where she is. find a guy around your own age! and make that 1 big happy family. also your mom and dad can't be much older than he is. then you would have to look at this, at some point an time the mother of the kid's will always be in his life if she's still alive.
2006-08-20 07:42:09 · answer #5 · answered by Kas-O 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think age starts to matter when a person in the relationship is not of age. You being 19 and him being 36 will be a problem with your perent. Age is but a #. If it was ment to be it will be. Women mature alot faster than guys do. you could be mentally stable enouph for this relationshipat your age.
Do you plan to have kids? Does he want more kids? There is nothing greater than the love a perent can have for thier son or daughter.Will the age differenceget in the way of you being able to experience that love. I am a person that is in hte persute of happiness. If you have found thaat at 19 then you be happy no matter what. think about every thing and can this work for the both of you for the long hall. Dont let any one elses negativity about your relationship infuence you in any way.
2006-08-20 07:31:53 · answer #6 · answered by If played with the right people 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the only thing I can say is that you are young and I know it seems like a crazy thought, but have you considered that you haven't experienced life enough yet on your own? And if no other women have told you this yet, there is alot of growing up we do between the ages of 19 and 30 and we change alot and find out "who we are". I know you think you already know who you are, but listen sista, you will be surprised when you look back at the age of 30. Personally, I don't have a huge problem with people of any age getting together, but there are kids involved that you will grow to love and they will become attached to you if you both decide to make this a permanent thing and what about if you want to have a family of your own someday?,,,,will he want to have a second family? I don't know, it just seems to met that you are taking on a lot of potential issues that you really don't need to yet. Enjoy life, date, live, experience things, travel, grow, become all you are meant to become before you settle down with an instant family and a lot of responsibilities you may not be ready for.
2006-08-20 07:28:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will be a problem if you too get married and you start acting like a "parent" to the daughter that is only 5 years younger than you. Right now she probably sees you has a big sister or a friend. You are too young to be saddled down with some guys 3 kids.
Please think about this some more, before it goes any further. I can guarantee your parents are not going to be happy about it!
2006-08-20 07:22:37 · answer #8 · answered by carmelbrown2001 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Every situation is different. When I was 18 I dated a man who was 27. That ended up not working out because I was just starting to get out and learn what it was like to have freedom, etc. He was more experienced and wasn't really interested in things I was interested in. However, when I was 29 I started dating a man 8 years older than me. After 3 years together, we got married. We have now been married for 2 1/2 years and things couldn't be better-- we share many of the same interests and the differences we do have seem to compliment each other. I wish you the best with your relationship. If it was meant to be, it will be. :)
2006-08-20 07:28:24 · answer #9 · answered by jobug 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that is a huge age gap! Not the largest I've seen, but it will still make a difference when it comes time for certain things in your life and in his life. Because you are so much younger you may want to take things slow with this guy until you know for sure that A) he is going to treat you as a complete equal (younger females can be treated as children -- make sure this is not happening in your relationship) and that B) he understands that you have yet to experience a lot that he has already experienced, and is okay with you having the experiences of youth. Also, C) make sure that you are on the same page with kids ... will you want kids? Is he willing to start another family with you? Find out now before complications ensue.
2006-08-20 07:22:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is comong from my very own personal experince, when i was your age exactly. Even the age of the gut, & the amount of kids, etc. I can tell you from the get go, the girl is close to you because of your age, she can relate to you as a friend, this will never become any more to her as she will eventually seek a mother figure & not a pal.The guy is in his elements as he does have a younger women to go around with,although I don't doubt he cares for you, but he too will eventually seek someone closer to his own age,as there are many differences of choice, taste & judgement that you & he will want eventually. Not to mention the jealousy that may come along if someone try's to crack on to you,as you are younger. There are people,places & things that he wont be able to take you to because of your age, as much as he says it does not matter now.This is a huge commitment on your part, & are you ready for when he decides he would like some one with a bit more life experirence & a woman who can be more of a mother figure to his growing children, There is a lot to consider, it is your choice, but strictly from my experience, it went along smoothly for about a year,& yes I did tell my parents, and they certainly were not happy,as they to have had years of life time experience, and only want whats best for you, but you will think this is best for you, it's only natural, your in love & thats all that matters, but in time, that is not enough glue to hold something of this magnitude together. Please re- think this as it will not last. Not only from my experirience, but logically wise as well. I dated many men older than myself, also dated many men younger to me, & it is better to find someone closer to your age group,due to what your'l will have in common for the years ahead. I am now married to my second husband as I married my child hood swearheart & he was only 16 & I was 20.We had 3 daughters, but due to the age differance & the stress that came with having kids, it ended up in divorce, but now I am married for the 2nd time , the age gap is 5 yrs & thats ok,He is the younger one, all is kool as we have common interests, ideas, and an understanding of what each other needs & want's in life, so the partnership works well. I wish you luck in what ever you decide,as it is your decision, but I can only hope you have thought about the 10 yrs down the track,,,,,which you need too. Good Luck
2006-08-20 07:49:55 · answer #11 · answered by cheytelle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋