What should I do?

Question

I hate my stepfather. When I look at him, I feel like I'm going to be sick. I can't be in the same room with him without wanting to strangle him. I have so much anger built up that I've destroyed my room and given myself bruises. He's done horrible things like overdose on painkillers to send me and my mom and my sister down a guilt trip. We hate holidays because they're worse than any other day. We always fight on holidays. Everytime we say or do something, our first thought is "Is this going to get him upset?" He's pinned me against the counter and threatened to knock me out, but he never actually did. Sometimes I wish he would so I could have a reason to call the police. He talks so condescendingly to and about my mom that it's impossible he actually loves her. I don't know what to do. I'm starting to scare myself. And others sometimes seem scared of me, too. I need some help.

Answer 1

Elaina,

Let me first say this. You have every right to call 911 the SECOND he puts his hands on you or anyone else. Threats against your well being are illegal. It's called assult. Pinning you against the counter is physical restraint, also illegal, called bodily harm.

Anyone who endangers themselves by taking pills is a physical & emotional threat to themselves and can be baker racked by means of suicidal activity.

I'm sorry that you are living in this sort of enviornment. It's okay to be angry, but you should find a way to express your anger, and hurting yourself my dear is NOT okay. That's self-inflicted hurt.

Understand that none of the things he is doing are your fault. He's sick, he needs help. I'm sorry that your mom can not see that right now. Sometimes parents don't always do what's best for their children. It's not that your mom doesn't love you and your sister, it's just that she's being blinded by the situation at hand.

So when things like that happen call 911 for the safety of you, your sister and your mom. No one deserves to be hurt or threatned by anyone in anyway. That's abuse and that's illegal.

Blessings To You & Yours

Answer 2

You do need help -- and not from a bunch of strangers on the internet. Speak to a counselor, maybe someone at school. You might also want to stop and consider how you communicate with this man. It sounds like the way things are now, everyone's patterns feed off everyone else's and it is escalating out of control. Stop for a minute and consider that he is a human being and has weaknesses and faults and may be just as frustrated as everyone else in the family. Make an effort at open communication that is honestly not combative or confrontational. You might just be amazed at the reaction. Even just changing the way you think about his actions by recognizing his motives and the root causes could do a lot to defuse your anger and may result in more constructive communication patterns.

Answer 3

Your mother should be protecting you from this. It's apparent she's not and won't.
Protect yourself. This is not a good situation for you if you're already hurting yourself. Your mother is being ingnorant and selfish by keeping you and her in this situation.
If you dont' feel right talking to a family member (real father, grandparents etc) then contact the police. It is abusive and he can be charged.
You can also call the Childrens Aid (in the phonebook) they will come out and remove you from the home. It's scary and you may not want to go, but it's your life you're putting on the line by staying. If your mother won't do her job and protect you, you'll have to do it for yourself.
You can contact a school councelor (if you wait until then, I think you should call CAS asap) they will involve the CAS and have you removed from the home as well.
Whatever you decide to do, it is your choice. But by doing nothing your hurting yourself and putting your own life in danger.
Pick up the phone and make the call. Get out of the house, save yourself and your future.

Answer 4

You need to find a local support group for survivors of domestic violence. What you are experiencing is called emotional and verbal abuse. It takes a toll on people, most definitely. I am a member of a group myself right now and though I was unfortunate enough to be hit, most of the women in my group never were and are struggling with so many aspects of their relationships because of that.
Think of it this way, do not deny the fact that you are being abused, just because you aren't being hit, doesn't mean that scarring isn't happening to your psyche.
You are in a dangerous situation and your step-father is a dangerous man. Find help. Tell someone at school (a teacher or a counselor) that you need help and want to find a women's services group to participate in.
You do not deserve to be treated this way, no one does. It is particularly excellent that you could identify how holidays have an effect on your family also.
You step-father definitely shows the signs of being an abuser. Help yourself, unfortunately, no one will come to the rescue. DO participate in any therapy offered you at this point in time because these patterns are often repeated and you do not want to get into a relationship like this on your own.
Best of luck, please for your sake, get help. Maybe your doing so will inspire your mother to also.

Answer 5

You definitely need help. Best thing to do is asking an adult you can trust like a teacher or get professional help for you and your mom. Just because he didn't physically hurt you, it doesn't mean he is not hurting you. Also, on the holidays you should make yourself and your mother busy with projects or such to have a bit of time without your stepfather-sort of like a mother-daughter-only type thing. That way you wouldn't have to be upset over your stepfather's doings. I wish you goodluck.

Answer 6

That's awful. No so-called "stepfather" or a father of any sort has a right to pin a child against a counter and threaten to knock them out. Any father would wants to beat the tar out of a child and makes the child angery and scared should go to jail or get thrown in a rehab. It's sad to think that your Mom probably hasn't told him to back off and stop the crap. She has the right to press charges, I think. If not, she can at least file a divorce.
My advice to you is to call a teen help line or go to the police station and explain your situation. See what your options are to deal with this horrible stepfather who isn't being a good father to you. Until you can arrange to get this step father out of your life, remember to stand your ground. When he threatens you, tell him to get his hands off of you. You can punch, kick or slap him if he's in your face and won't back off.

You are a very brave girl and I promise you that one day this guy will be out of your life. There's hope, I believe it and you should too.

Answer 7

Find and adult friend - guidance counselor or clergy would do well (it sounds like you are under 18) and talk with that adult. If they can't help you, they can guide you to someone who will.

Above everything else - do not ruin your life because someone else (your stepfather) ruined his.

Success is the best revenge. Living a happy, healthy life in spite of his antics will be better than sending him to jail. Take up a hobby or activity that gets you out of the house.

Answer 8

first of all, remain calmed, you are not alone, there are hundreds of people going through the same and worst, but this isn´t the place to call for help for such a problem, you should go to a professional, get counseling or try to convince your mother and sister to go to a psychiatrist, and above all, try to avoid any provocation you might give that monster to mistreat you and your family. Once you get professional help, try to convince your mom to get a warden against him, and if any of this doesn´t work, buy a couple of pitbull dogs and teach him to kill your stepfather every time hi sees him.

Answer 9

My Step- Father molested me at age 4 years old and I am 47 and am FINALLY over it!
CALL the police even pinning you down is assault !
FIX the problem and get on with your life!
Your mother needs YOU to protect her she is not doing a good job of decision making right now she sounds like she has denial issues too like my mom did when my step-dad hurt me!
Talk to a school councilor OR a friend of the family or a family member tell them what is going on, do not stop until you get HELP!
Your MOM is weak, but it is not her fault, HE is manipulating her!
HELP HER she needs YOUR support!

Answer 10

I think you need to get out of that environment. If your mother is too weak to get you guys out of that situation then you need to be strong and tell her either get rid of him or you leave. Life is hard enough, and you need to feel safe in your home. If you have other relatives that you can live with until your mother starts putting the needs of her children 1st is what would be best for you to do. You are obviously being effected by him very negitively. Either you all go as a family to counselling or move yourself outof that situation so that it does not consume you.