How should I deal with a future evil sister in law?

Question

I found out that my boyfriend's brother's wife has said a lot of nasty things about me, about my family, and even about her husband's mom. I told my boyfriend about this and he brushed it off. After I told him I don't want to talk to him or his family, he finally realized it's not my fault. He made a meeting so that we can talk to her, but she backed out of it. I told my boyfriend that I don't want a meeting, just forget about it. I guess I could just ignore it but it pains me to see her every time. Do you think I can live with this without comfronting her? Is that possible in the future. My boyfriend acknowledges what she has done, but sometimes I feel like he wants to just keep the peace and I'm the one who has to shut up about it. I don't know what to make of the situation. Can you guys help?

Answer 1

Stand up for yourself. My ex-sister-in-law didn't like me when I started dating her brother. She made a comment to him one day and he repeated it to me. I had it out with her that same day. I told her if she had a problem with me to talk to me and not her brother. After a few more attempts on her part to discredit me to the family, we had another HUGE blowout. I told her in no uncertain terms to mind her own f***ing business. After that, she was as sweet as pie.

Answer 2

Dear Claudia,

Ignoring problems don't make them go away. It's important that you confront your future sister in law (calmly) and let her know how you feel. Afterall, when you marry, all of you are going to be one big family. And it would be sad for you to be going into that family without resolving the issue at hand first for your personal peace.

Communication is VITAL. No matter what the relationship is.

It sounds to me that you and your boyfriend need to do some talking as well so that you all are on the same page, understanding how the other feels.

Ahh, and I should say this as well. The person who told you that she was saying all of this should be in person too at this discussion. Because some people lie, and spread rumors. And if that person lied to you then well they'll be just stewing that you confronted them as well as the person they lied on at the same time.

Rumors & Gossiping = Trouble 100% of the time. So don't listen to it unless you intend on confronting the person who said it and the person they told you said it.

Some people can are defensive when they are confronted about things that they have said, so you should always try to stay calm when you talk to them. Like be the bigger person and not fly off the handle.

Given said that, consider it's not your bf who should be making the meeting because it seems that he's not the one who's having a concern. So you should call and talk to her on the phone or schedule a meeting to discuss your feelings.

Blessings To You & Yours

Answer 3

I was in a similar situation. If you feel like your opinion isn't getting the respect or acknowledgment you deserve then you shouldn't ignore it. Remember that you are both adults and you both are in-titled to your opinions. You should really talk to her, but have someone else who is neutral there also. Let her tell you why she feels the way she does about her family but ask her to not spread malicious gossip about yours. If this doesn't help then at least you tried. The only thing that you can do is tolerate it and go on. Remember that your boyfriend is in the middle of this so try not to tell him about all your frustrations because it stress him out too.

Answer 4

Do what I do fake it, be as big of a hypocrite as she is, because if you don't this situation will only cause problems with you and
your boyfriend and believe me she will enjoy it, when a confrontation does happen make sure that she is the instigator like I did with mine and have plenty of witnesses, now my husband sees her for what she really is and that is a jealous control freak. Don't sweat her just keep your man happy and she'll get the picture. I even had my sister in-law in my wedding you should see the pictures I got of her giving me the evil eye. it is SO funny, but I won the battle.

Answer 5

All you can do is not worry about it. Don't try to change things or pretend to change things that arent there. Just live with it... Of course you can do it without confronting her. Just tell yourself "you cant pick family" and let things happen.

Since theres nothing you can do (or should do) to change someone from saying mean things or thinking mean things you dont have much of a choice but to be the bigger person.

In the end by just letting things be, it will make you look much better then her anyways.

Answer 6

I'm in a sort of the same situation as you! I have confronted her and said my peace and it felt good to tell her how I felt and now I just ignore her even though I'd like 2 beat her a** ! There isn't really any getting rid of her so after you confront her you should feel a little better! You never know she might be intimidated by you and never say mean things again! (That you will know of anyways) what we don't know doesn't hurt us!

Answer 7

I have the mother in law from hell and my spouse refuses to deal with it. I have a million stories about stunts that she has pulled and vile things she has said to me, or my family, about me and them. She has also pulled some pretty nasty verbal/emotional abuse crap on her own granddaughter (my daughter). The rest of the family (my husband's) know what a witch she is and have told me that they admire how I "handle her".

She is not very welcome in our home, but when she is asked, I am civil to her. No one can expect more and I will not do more. Yes, peace in the family needs to be kept, but that doesn't mean you have to invite it into your home. I also try to not be here, if possible, if I know she will be in my home.

Above all, do not stoop to that level. If your boyfriend will not back you now, he never will - keep that in mind. He isn't going to change. I wish I had seen my whole situation PRIOR to getting married. You have the good fortune of foresight. Use it wisely.

Answer 8

It's scary how similar your situation sounds like mine. Almost to a T. I've been having this problem for as long as I've been with my boyfriend, 4 years. It's obvious that she doesn't like you and you don't like her and that's ok, you guys aren't forced to like each other. But you, like me, will be her sister in law one day and that will make you guys family. The best thing for the both of you to do is to put this behind you completely and just move on. You don't have to try to be friends, don't have to try to talk things out because if that goes anything like how it went for me, you guys will get into a fight and just make things worse. So bury the hatchet and move on. When you guys are together at family gatherings or whatever, talk to each other nicely just for the sake of keeping the peace in the family. MY evil future sister in law won't even look at me when we are near each other and we live together now. It makes it painfully obvious to the family that we hate each other and puts everyone on eggshells. Don't do that to your family. Go up to her and say "Look. I know we don't like each other, but let's get along in front of the family." And if she's a b*tch to you like my future sis in law was to me, then write her off and ignore her for the rest of your life. Nothing more can be done.

Answer 9

Well, I've went through something like this except it was with his sister and mother. So, after putting my man through pure misery for a couple of years I finally stopped going around both of them period even holidays, he goes by hisself. I'm not wanted there and I'm not going where I'm not wanted. We've been together 10 years and it's better now since I made that decision. Don't confront her, that only makes things worse and she's not going to stop talking behind your back. You can't make her like you or change her ways so just bare with it and avoid her as much as possible. Good Luck cause I know its not easy.

Answer 10

Sure you can confront her, you can even be a *** to her but that won't change that fact that if you are going to be with your boyfriend, she is going to be a part of your family too. If you do confront her, confront her about her problem with you. Not with his family. That might not exactly be your place. I understand that it bothers you but the family doesn't seem as concerned about it as you do. You can always let her know what you think and let it go. As long as she knows where you are coming from and that you won't tolerate her talking bad about you. Maybe she has a problem with herself that she needs to displace it to other people. Try coming at her as a friend, ask her if she needs someone to talk to or if there is something that is going on that she needs help with. Who knows maybe she feels left out or something. Try it who knows. Good Luck.

Answer 11

The best way to command respect in a situation like this is to control your own emotions and words, and react with dignity and maturity that will make her look as low as dog crap on your shoe. Best way to do that is when people tell you what she says, react calmly, with sadness, and comment that it's too bad she has the issues she has. Express your regret that she is unable to interact in a healthy way with people and that she seeks drama. NEVER show how her words hurt with an expression of anger -- show sadness, regret, or if you REALLY want to be evil, explain to the messenger of her slander that it makes you very sad she doesn't want to have a better relationship with you, because she seems like a great person you'd like to get to know. Eventually, the people who are coming to you are going to start getting frustrated with her too. She'll basically start looking like a freak, and you will start looking like a saint! If she confronts you in front of these folks, even better! Just say these things to her face...express sadness that this is how she interacts with people, express regret, keep your cool, and she will be demonized!