ever since iv had my baby my mum has try-ed to take over i don't live at home i live with my partner and we are first time parents so in a way its good that's she is trying to help but its now getting out of hand she has got another 3 grandkids to but she was never like that with my brother or sister when they had there kids its feels like she's the mother to my child she tells me what i can and cant do for example my baby is a realy hungry baby and they say to only put babies on food from 6 months but i started him on it at 4 months my mum went crazy at me saying i was stupid my partners mum thought it was a great idea as he is a hungry baby and needs more than just milk when my mum found out what my partners mum said she turned round to her and said it was her idea to put him on food when in fact it was mine. In a way it has got nothing to do with her apart from its her grandchild i don't want to sound mean but its my child what could be wrong with her help plz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-08-20 05:26:49 · 24 answers · asked by lyndsey H 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i know how you feel. It's the same with my mum. I had a premature baby (15 weeks early). Mum seems to think that she knows more about my son than I do. I was living with Simon (my partner) before and things got complicated so I moved back in with my mum and within hours she was telling me how to change him, feed him, etc even though he is 7 months old! You just have to try and talk to her about it, see what happens. If nothing changes I guess you'll just have to try and grit your teeth like I do. At the end of the day, YOU are the mother of you child, she is just a know-it-all mother who obviously doesnt think you are capable of looking after your child alone or shes trying to compete with you.(like my mum does...) I just hope you get everything sorted out because i know how damn frustrating it is!!
2006-08-20 05:32:14 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well, i think a few well-placed white lies wouldn't go amiss, such as if you're doing something that you, your partner and the baby are all happy with but your mum isn't, tell her you asked the nurse at the clinic or the midwife about it and they said ...... and that your happy with that - and set a few ground rules about her coming around - don't alienate her completely, coz you never know when you'll need a baby sitter. But DO have chats with the nurses at the clinic, that's what they're there for, get some leaflets on stuff you want to know more about, and gently but firmly tell mum that things change from when you were a baby - i had endless arguements about my baby sleeping on his back or front with my mum...good luck!
2006-08-20 05:41:18 · answer #2 · answered by merciasounds 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't sweat it hon, all grandma's are like that. I think its a bit of a control issue. I have been on my own 15yrs have 2 kids of my own, and my mother still gives me unsolicited "advice" on what I could/should do. Welcome to motherhood, lol. Also you can start a baby on cereal at 4 months with no problems!!! It helps fill them up quite a bit. Its actually recommmended these days to give cereal at that age. She's just got to accept you are an adult with a baby of your own, she had her chance to raise a baby, now its your turn. It will take a while, and you will have to be assertive. But just tell her "politely" but firm, how you feel and why. She'll probably back off, but she will relapse after a while too so you may have to remind her. Just be glad you don't have the pushy mother in law TOO lol. Good luck
2006-08-20 05:36:57 · answer #3 · answered by Chrissy 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you the youngest child in your family?
If so, this could be why your mum is acting like she is. She still thinks of you as her baby & finds it hard to let go & allow you to be a Mum yourself.
Sit her down & tell her that it is your baby, your decisions & although you are grateful for her input, you feel a little smothered by it all.
I am sure if you put it nicely & tell her that the baby will always need its Grandmother this is her turn to stand back & allow someone else to do the hard work.
2006-08-20 08:33:55 · answer #4 · answered by monkeyface 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't say how old you are or if you are the youngest in your family,but I'm thinking you may be young or the youngest. Us Moms tend to try to keep our babies our babies. She is really trying to help you be a better Mom yourself. I know how hard it is to get any time for yourself with a little one but can your partner take care of the child for a couple of hours while you go have a talk with your Mom she may not know how she is sounding to you. This is time for you to say I love you Mom, but I need you to stop telling me what to do for the baby all the time. I know I don't know everything and I will ask if I have a problem. You definitely want to keep Grandma involved with you and your child she loves you both just as you love her. Good luck with your little one.
2006-08-20 05:39:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You MUST put your foot down when it comes to your mother's manipulations. Do not ALLOW her to control the situation. When she has input thank her and tell her that you will think about it and make your own decision.
Eleanore Roosevelt said that someone can only take advantage of you if you allow it. Don't allow it.
Grow up, be a woman and tell your mother in no uncertain terms that while you appreciate her help, you and your partner will make all the decisions concerning your child.
She may pout or threaten to cut off contact, which would be sad, but it will still be just another form of manipulation. If she does something like that simply tell her that you are sorry she feels that she needs to take that action, but stand firm in your decision to raise your child your way.
She already had her chance, now it is your time.
2006-08-20 05:35:44 · answer #6 · answered by LindaLou 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
This has happened through the ages, be firm but friendly. Remind her how she felt when her mother (your grand mother) interfered. You must make a stand for your child's sake, it has two parents and does not need their decisions over-ruled
Let her know exactly how you feel,
There is an artical on http://www.seniorjournal.com/NEWS/Grandparents/6-02-27-MakingtheMost.htm that you might like to download for your parents to read.
I wish you the best of luck, and I think with time your mum will come to understand that now you are in the driving seat and she must take the passenger seat.
"Daddy Dave"
2006-08-20 09:08:55 · answer #7 · answered by Daddy Dave 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Listen to you Mum's advice, thank her and then do what you want to do. If your baby is thriving there's nothing to worry about but try and let your Mum know that whilst she is welcome you have to bring up your child the way you want to as times change and what may have been right when you were a baby may be different in today's better medical knowledge. She is probably just concerned for you and the baby out of love - I know,l because I am a Nana too.
2006-08-20 05:35:51 · answer #8 · answered by blondie 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
My mum was just the same with me when I had my first! She's still like it now, but I've learned to switch off! Remember you are mum, and dont take anything to heart. Mums just cant help themselves. She probably does not realise she is offending or upsetting you, but thinks she is helping with her input! When she says something about your parenting, put on a smile and do whatever YOU think is best!
2006-08-20 05:39:33 · answer #9 · answered by libby 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The trouble is that your mum is from a different age and still sees you as her little girl that has to be told what to do. No two children are the same do what you want to do. If I were you I would look to moving out or you will never be free
2006-08-20 05:35:21 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋