My son is 4 and ready for pre-school, but if I leave this marriage now, my son has to be in all day care. My husband came after my son, so he's not his dad. The marriage has been traumatized by his lies and his lack of self control. There is no trust and it is deeply unhappy. NOTHING has improved in two years. I am his third wife and hindsight is 20/20. Do I tough it out for two more years...or have my son attend daycare and get on with my life? I am an educated ex-professional turned stay at home mom. My son is an only child and the I have only been at home with him since last fall. I would like to return to work regardless, but am concerned about how it will affect my son. There is no yelling or fighting in front of my son, but I worry that he senses the tension and I also notice that he is inreasingly withdrawing from my husband. My son has great relationship with his real dad, although we never married.
2006-08-20 04:46:34 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I think that only you know what is best. It's only a matter of time before your son will witness an argument, but even if he doesn't, as you rightly said, he will pick up on the tension, and he'll know you aren't happy.
My advice, put him into daycare and go back to work- don't get me wrong, I normally am in favour of staying at home with children, but you know what it is you need to do. It's going to be a lot of work for you, starting divorce proceedings, finding suitable daycare, and going back to work, but it's going to be less painful and hard for you than staying in a loveless marriage that's obviously upsetting you a great deal. You need to make your self happy, because only then can you focus on making your son happy, and if the two of you are happy, you'll feel so much better.
Please leave your husband.
2006-08-20 05:17:55 · answer #1 · answered by ♥Pamela♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you honestly think, that you being 'trapped' in an unhappy marriage doesn't affect your son? Trust me, children sense that something is wrong with their parents and their relationship. You said it yourself, that you have noticed the changes in your son and the way he tenses up around your husband. Don't allow for him to withdraw to a point, where he is afraid to come to you as well. The best thing for you and your son, is for you to leave. It will make you a happier person, who is at peace with oneself. Which in the end will also make you a better parent.
2006-08-20 05:11:19 · answer #2 · answered by brownsugar_smile 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any day, I would put my child in daycare than let them live a horrible life with the man you're describing.
What is he learning from you by watching this? Is he learning this is an acceptable behavior (to act like your husband)? Is he learning it's ok to be treated horribly and without respect?
My daughter has been in daycare since she was 6 weeks old. It was hard at first, but it's been a great experience.
2006-08-20 04:52:39 · answer #3 · answered by Andrea K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ma'am, you already know the answer and others on here have reaffirmed it for you. Your child does sense it in the unhappiness he feels in you. There are many daycares out there that are great...and beneficial to the child to better prepare him for his school years.
REmember the old saying, nobody's happy if momma aint happy.
Well your child can't be happy if your life is not being fulfilled by the man that you are with. You need to build a happy life with your child on your own..............think about how great that will be...creating that life together.
2006-08-20 07:53:31 · answer #4 · answered by heartwhisperer2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get rid of your husband!! It won't help your son one bit growing up with that guy you explained!!! If you don't want your son to go to day care then is their somebody that would be able to pick him up from pre-school and take care of him, like his real dad (if he doesnt have a job, or if he only works half days) unless you dont get along with him, or your parents, or maybe his real dads parents, but you know day care isn't that bad, it will be a chance for him to make friends, good luck!!
2006-08-20 06:03:28 · answer #5 · answered by ♥ Sydd 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're easily remarkable on your thinking. although, as a mom, i can in basic terms think of how i might sense if I positioned my drug addicted son out on the line and he lands up lifeless or some thing. The guilt on me may be so heavy, i could no longer submit to it. particular, he's 35. particular, he could've gotten his act at the same time a protracted time in the past. yet he hasn't. And that would desire to be what ruled me. To me, it would be no diverse if he have been ill and that i might cope together with his drug addiction as a disease. easily, i might probable deliver him to a stay in medical care middle if i'd desire to locate the money for it. although, with this being your doorstep son and you in basic terms being with/around him 3yrs, you does not have a similar sensibility as your husband might. it would probable be diverse in case you had a hand in elevating him yet on the time to procure married, you have been already coping with a 30something 365 days old f*ck up and that i'm particular that could't be common. in addition to, if my husband gave me a "its me or him" ultimatum, he might could pass. My motives are that i do no longer deal in ultimatums era inspite of what they are and/or what they are for. yet, i'm no longer in all danger unreasonable so while he got here to chat to me approximately his concerns, i might pay attention. whether he did no longer pay attention, i'm does not settle for a "the two you try this or i'm doing this" form situation. i does not enable somebody stress me to do something for the sturdy or the undesirable.
2016-09-29 11:41:56 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get on with your life.do you know toxic relationships are bad for your health.if you loathe the man move on.you are a great mom to sacrifice yourself for his educational pursuits.your child will be okay millions of children go to day care your baby will adjust for sure. if he has been married that many times he has the problem not you.drop the zero and get with a hero.get your life back.no one likes to move cause your forced to get out of the comfort zone.i know i have been there. relationships are hard.sometimes you have to kiss alot of frogs to get to your prince.do it now while he is young and in two years you will be stress free from the ex. you can do it.
2006-08-20 05:06:09 · answer #7 · answered by rasheda c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Daycare. Your son will be much happier and so will you. Like Dr Phil says :) "Kids would rather be from a broken home, than live in one"
2006-08-20 10:21:11 · answer #8 · answered by kayla 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get rid of the hubby. keeping him around for daycare purposes isn't right. if he lies and has no self control, imagine what he does when he's alone with your son.
2006-08-20 04:58:34 · answer #9 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but you're pimping yourself out for daycare. You're terribly wrong if you don't think your child senses your feelings towards your spouse. Doesn't work for me but to each his own.
2006-08-20 12:09:52 · answer #10 · answered by ask4marie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋