i have a major problem with letting people get to close to me.i was wondering if any one could give me their opinion as to why people are that way.i refuse to show feelings alot and dont like to talk to people including my partner in life about anything that has to do with how i feel.
2006-08-20 04:45:44 · 11 answers · asked by paris_0129 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Community Service
It's probably from a trauma you experienced when you were a young child. Did someone close to you die? Were you physically, verbally or sexually abused? Were you abandoned by a parent? Or did your parents get divorced?
Often times, when children face those kinds of situation, they react by closing off from other people. It's a defense mechanism that you build up to protect yourself. If you don't open up to people, then you can't get hurt again.
Letting people get close to you makes you vulnerable, right? It means that the person who is close to you can hurt you, intentionally or unintentionally. But at the same time, it means that you can never fully enjoy closeness and intimacy.
If you feel that you can't be intimate with your partner, start by talking to him or her about it. I'm sure your partner has noticed this problem too. If the two of you can't get to the bottom of it, you might see a therapist. Sometimes it's nice to talk to a professional. Sooner or later you have to go out on a limb so to speak, and take a chance that you will be hurt. You will find that when you stop protecting yourself, you are actually stronger than before, not weaker.
2006-08-20 04:54:50 · answer #1 · answered by dark_phoenix 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are using a self-protection method called aloofness. I use it too.
A good way to start to overcome it is to talk to people. It will be hard at first and VERY uncomfortable for you, but you need to bite the bullet and do it. Going through life having no intimate relationships is not a life. Getting hurt and healing is a natural part of life. It sucks, but makes you stronger in the end.
Start by having a conversation with your partner. Start small and work your way up to bigger, more sensitive topics.
I also find it difficult to address the difficult topics with my husband, but force myself to do it. He uses humour as his shield, and wants to make everything a big joke, so between my not wanting to address issues and his making a joke when I do, communication is something we really have to work hard at. We're getting there.
2006-08-20 11:54:38 · answer #2 · answered by LindaLou 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could have something to do with your self esteem. Maybe you do not feel worthy. You will have to work on it - showing your feelings. You are not alone. Baby steps. Tell you partner that you have trouble with your feelings and you don't know how to get around it. Hopefully s/he will be able to tell you what they need from you. You could also go search for a therapist and talk about what it is that stops you from opening up. Where you raised in a family that did not deal with their emotions? If so you did not have anyone to model or learn from in that department and will have to learn it now.
2006-08-20 11:53:51 · answer #3 · answered by jaybird 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have kinda the same problem, though I've learned to live with it. I'm afraid I don't know why I'm like that, I guess it's just my solitary nature, or maybe it was caused by some kind of emotional trauma, or maybe it's because my parents didn't have the habit of expressing their feelings that often, or maybe I feel that nobody would understand me, but most often I just don't bother mentioning anything not worth being mentioned.
2006-08-20 11:57:32 · answer #4 · answered by elessar_tee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you are afraid of people leaving you as a result of some childhood experience. As a result, you try to not get too attached by not sharing all their is about you. That way when they do leave, it doesn't hurt as much.
Feelings are also considered as very personal. Sorry I can't think of any more reasons. I'll edit if I do. Hope you can find a balance with your problem .
2006-08-20 11:54:02 · answer #5 · answered by joe19 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you are just a strong person who has it all together, and maybe if you tell someone how you feel, it would make you look and feel weak.
There are a lot of people who can't express how or what they feel.
I was brought up that way, in my family that was how we did things, we knew our parents loved us, so we never questioned anything.
The only problem with allowing people to get to close to you is that sometimes they sap your energy, because they are so emotionally needy. I noticed that someone earlier said they were Capricorn, I wander, that is what I am, thanks for that.
2006-08-20 11:59:07 · answer #6 · answered by brown.gloria@yahoo.com 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one reading your question knows you well enough to know why YOU are afraid to get close. I think you should find a GOOD therapist. Some therapists are not so good; so try to find reliable referrals in your town, and interview more than one therapist or counselor. Since you mentioned not letting your partner in, consider couples counselling. It might be less threatening, and more effective than individual counselling.
2006-08-20 11:58:26 · answer #7 · answered by William K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We always have a choice as to how we act with ourselves and others. Make some efforts within yourself to open up and be a more vulnerable person. The more you try, the more changes will occur. You have to want to dare to be different than you are now.
2006-08-20 12:00:01 · answer #8 · answered by jmmevolve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is different. I'm the same personally. I'm Capricorn too and it seems to be a trait of my star sign.
Look at the positive rather than the negative, you can't change who you are, just accept it.
2006-08-20 11:51:56 · answer #9 · answered by Phillip M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its just the way you are. you like to keep things to yourself instead of sharing them. I am the same way but be careful it all gets bottled up inside and it gets you later!
2006-08-20 16:56:26 · answer #10 · answered by Jen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋