I live with my bf of a year and a half, we have lived together for over 8 months. He is 10 years older and is my first bf, I am 19, he is 29. He has had many other gfs, but he has only lived with one other girl, and he said he knew that wouldnt last. I love him, but I want to get married, I want to think about the future and have children when I am still young (before 25). I said we dont have to get married right away, but I want to know if he wants to in the future, if I am the one he wants to be with forever. He says he loves me but he dosent know, I asked why, he says hes not sure. I found out all of his exs (over 6 girls) broke up with him, so it seems he is fine in "dead-end" relationships, but I am not. I love him, but I dont know if i can invest any more emotions into something that isnt going anywhere. Any advice?!
2006-08-20 04:19:40 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would move out immediately and date him and if he still isn't sure, I'd also go and date other people. If he wants you, he can initiate the committment. If he wants free, then he will be able to be free.
You don't want someone who doesn't want you.
2006-08-20 04:25:15 · answer #1 · answered by Mama R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to learn to follow your gut instincts on these kinds of things. Your gut is telling you that he is not looking for a commitment.
As soon as possible you need to sit down with him and ask him out right if he sees marriage in the cards for you within five years. Don't let him weasel out with "I don't know" or "Yeah, someday" kind of thing. A commitment for sometime in the next 5 years is not unreasonable.
If he can't give that to you, then you have to make a decision. Can you live with that, possibly forever, or is it time to let this relationship go?
A ten year age gap is very big at your age. A 29 year old man who still doesn't know if he wants to commit and seems to be a serial-dater would concern me, if my primary goal was to get married. He's not seeming like the marrying type to me.
2006-08-20 04:37:04 · answer #2 · answered by LindaLou 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am going to allow you to realize things you at the on the spot are unlikely to favor to hearken to. Being in love is a fantastic element, even with the undeniable fact that this is not a similar as being loved and that is not what you're growing from what you've advised me. i have continuously hated it even as human beings say I married you and in no way your household. kinfolk is an major element in this international and in case you marry him you'd be marrying his mom as well, because seem on the precedence he did not get up for you once you went to protect him and he glaring places the blame on you, because you "rigidity him out". pay interest i have traveled the international and that i have considered all sorts of persons. a guy which will mock the female he claims to love isn't a guy he's a baby. you've many aspects hostile to you, his friends and his mom being wide. you could not replace those aspects any more effective than you could replace him. I advise you flow on and from own journey extra accessible stated than executed. From my journey formerly I requested no matter if I could split with someone I requested what I did incorrect? What am i able to do to make it precise? What am i able to do to make it extra constructive? Shoulda, coulda, woulda as well. If each little thing you submit is thoroughly actual then end hesitating and flow. If he's the type of guy i imagine he's then be prepared for some type of retaliation per chance interior this way of a infantile prank. i'm an aspiring author and also a romantic. i position self belief in love, yet i do not have a lot wish when I see a one sided love. He did not protect you and he left you for his friends then mocked you. Does that sound to you want Romeo and Juliet?
2016-11-30 21:12:14 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sound like you're headed for disapointment. Communicate with him first. Some men do not communicate well. Go out for dinner (neutral ground) and talk. I agree with other users re age difference and wonder if what you feel is really love or a fantasy. Only you can answer that but many people fall in love with romance instead of reality. True love is not easy and has to be a two way street.
2006-08-20 04:55:18 · answer #4 · answered by mjdp 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your man is ready to be so committed. If you have ben together for over a year and have been livign together and he still doesn't know if he's actually in love with you then if i were you, I wouldn't keep wasting my time with this guy. It sounds like he isn't ready to settle down jsut yet. Also, in all of his last relationships, the girl always broke up with him. Why? You may want to find out what their motives were. Adn this guy is your first boyfriend...you can't just settle down with the first guy you meet. You don't know who else is out there and there could be someone better than this guy who is willing to commit and settle down and who is also more around your own age. You need to find someone who has the same goals as you otherwise your relationship won't last. I think you need to get rid of this guy and see what else is out there. Find a guy who will love you and respect you and who wants the same things you do.
2006-08-20 04:32:29 · answer #5 · answered by Smile 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your situation sounds a little like mine and I just broke up with my bf about a week and a half ago. I'm 20 and I was with that guy since 17 and he didn't really commit to me either. We were staying together for a while. In fact I stayed with his parents and him for a year and we just moved out last year on our own. And as soon as we got on our own he started actin different and not paying me attention. Come to find out he was cheating on me with like 3 other girls so now I'm back home for a while. It's not worth pouring your heart into a relationship if the other half shuts you down. Take it from someone whos been hurt.
2006-08-20 04:28:43 · answer #6 · answered by Lucky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave him!! You are too young to have a relationship of that nature. He just wants to shack up! You are better than that! I DO NOT BELIEVE IN LIVING WITH A MAN THAT YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO....Big Mistake! Why buy the cow when you can get the milk free? You hear what I'm saying??? GET OUT NOW!! Get your own place, be independent and think about your future. Find out who you are and what you are capable of. You will be so glad you did!
2006-08-20 04:28:10 · answer #7 · answered by Author Al 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Explain it to him just like that, and see where the conversation leads. You ll be able to base a decision off of that easier than off of speculation.
2006-08-20 04:24:16 · answer #8 · answered by DJ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
when i don't know what to do i give it a time limit. lets say he has till his next bday.. by 30 he should be ready to settle. does he still spend a lot of time out with the boys? or does he spend it with you?
2006-08-20 04:26:29 · answer #9 · answered by zocko 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say talk to him, see if he has anything he needs to talk to you about. If you are really in love with him, and he is in love with you, don't be disappointed if he says something, then he should not be mad at you!
2006-08-20 04:38:16 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋