Not all teenage mothers are the same - your opinion?

Question

I am kinda sick of people stereotyping me I had my baby when I was 18 and people just assume that I don't care about my child, or that I feed off the government, and it's not true.
Yes, its true that I din't plan to have my baby daughter Zoe, but I have gadly accepted the wonderful responsibility of bringing her up to be a caring, intellignet independent person. I live with my partner, I don't smoke, don't drink, I work from home as a PA and I study at college.
What I wanted to know was how many of you hold this stereotypical view of teenage mums, and also are any of you teenage mums who are like me?

A couple of people have been making assumptions that I am a single mother - another stereotypical view of teenage mothers.
That is not true - as I have already stated I live with my partner who is the father of my child.

Answer 1

Often people assume that because of your age, you're on welfare, a single parent, mooching off of your parents, and unfit etc. Although I wasn't and am not anything that I described above, I believe the illtreatment I recieved from my medics while giving birth to my son was due to my age. While shopping with my son I sometimes notice mothers in their thirties turning their noses up at me and I have had people (complete strangers mind you) ask if I was a single mother or if I was on mother's allowance.

The fact is, I am a young mother who is great at my job as a mother and wife, my husband and I support our son, are business owners, and probably make more money in two months than these people that look down on me do in two years.

There are some really bad young parents out there. With that said, I know many young parents that are not well off like I am but they aren't on welfare and don't ask for help from anybody. Many young parents work twice as hard at parenting and even overcompensate to prove to others that they are capable of raising children.

Don't let strangers or general assumptions of other people tell you what you are capable of, in the end the stranger and their opinions don't matter. It is the love and support you instill in your child(ren) and you having pride in your responsibility that counts.

Answer 2

During my senior year, I got pregnant with my now 10 year old daughter. She was born the day after I turned 18. While pregnant, I attended school full time, and worked two part time jobs to put money away.

Like you, I didn't (never have) smoked, and I didn't drink. I didn't leave my baby with strangers so I could go party, or lose track of who had her.

After she was born, I worked at a factor on 1st shift, which started before she was awake, but was done early enough in the day that I was still with her most of the day. My grandmother watched her while I worked.

The father wasn't in the picture, but that was a good thing. He was highly irresponsible, didn't have a job, didn't have a place to live, didn't attend school or graduate, etc.

But then I also know that there were kids I went to school with who -were- the stereotypical mom's- out partying, not working, getting everything the government offered (for the record, I don't think there is anything wrong with getting help, but there is something wrong with purposly abusing that help), sleeping around, etc.

In my school, there were 3 girls who had more than 1 baby by the time I had 1. One girl actually had 3. And none had the same father, and no, she didn't care about them, or for them. Her idea of birth control was having the baby, and giving it to her mother to raise.

Answer 3

I have seen both the teenage moms who either live with their parents and let them worry about the baby and the ones who milk the government as well as those who face up to their responsibility and make the most of it and are hard working parents just as I am. If you love your child and are providing for her the best you can then you are being the best parent you can. People will judge you and when they do ignore them. Never feel as if you made a mistake cause your daughter was not a mistake. There are just as many girls in their early 20's that are having unplanned babies as their are teenagers. My daughter is 14 and I hope and pray that she doesn't make the choice of becoming a mom before she has finished her education and had a chance to experience life. Just hang in there finish your education and forget what other people think. All that matters is you, your partner and that baby and as long as you are doing the best for her then tell the rest to go to #$%

Answer 4

My little sister is 16 and she is about to have a baby girl in a few days. I agree with you, in many cases the teen mother is not an irresponsible party girl (i mean some are of course), but if you really love your child and want what's best for your child, you grow up fast. And not all teen mothers had a choice, my little sister was in an abusive relationship with a more mature man. Its unfortunate but that is her situation. And using government services aren't bad if they aren't abused. The services were designed for people in need, for as long as they need...its supposed to be temporary (its the people who stay on the assistance after they need it that give everyone a bad wrap). My sister will use it for a while, because she knows the importance of having to go to school and get an education so she can provide more for her little girl in the future (and she has to pay rent somehow...i'd prefer that to god-knows what else). How many teens think like that? think that far ahead to the future, and make intelligent plans like that? How many adults do that? People shouldn't judge, they do not know the hardships and what that person went through to be where they are.

Answer 5

You sound very responsible.

The thing is the people who berate teenage mums for having their babies young and living off the dole are the same people who scream about "murder" if a young girl decides on an abortion. And if they turn to the government for help to bring up their baby they are "spongers and scroungers". Its just hypocrisy really.


Having a baby young does not make you a bad mother. There are girls who have babies before they are ready and are not good mums but that doesn't mean every teen mum fits into this category. I know a girl who had a baby boy at 16 - her son is 5 now and she has been an excellent mum to him. But I also know teen mums who went out drinking/shagging around and dumped the baby on their families, didn't work, smoked throughout their pegnancies etc. They piss me off because they don't deserve to have a child if they behave like that.

I'm having my first baby at 34 and I don't think I could have coped at 16 or 18, but you seem to be doing very well. Kudos to you.

Perhaps someone like you could run classes or counselling to help other teen mums get themselves sorted and work towards setting up a good life for their child?

Answer 6

I had my first child at 17 and I was a GOOD momma I did NOT live off the government and I raised my own child. NOT ALL teens are the same! My little girl is now 12 and doing well! So no one should judge the next because I am sure WE ALL had made some kind of mistakes in life life unplanned pregnancy's!

Answer 7

I am glad to see you stand up for yourself. My mom was 15 when she had me...she made some mistakes, but I think I have turned out pretty well. Unfortunely people do stereotype young girls that have babies. It is because of people like my sister. she had a baby with a loser, and now we are all supporting it. It is also because of the young girls that have several babies before they are old enough to take care of them and expect someone else to. Those are the ones you hear about. Not the responsible ones like yourself who made a mistake and are doing your best to take care of yourself and your baby. I can understand a mistake happening, of my three children we only planned one of them. So sadly, I don't think it is going to change anytime soon. It's the partying, horrible teen parents that you hear about on the news and people use that to judge all teen parents.
Keep sticking up for yourself and working hard. You seem to be on the right track......now if I could get my sister to get off her butt, maybe we could do something about this problem.

Answer 8

You are right that not all single moms are the same. But there is a certain irresponsibility in the act of having sex before marriage and setting yourself up to become pregnant. People assume you were irresponsible in one part of your life, that you are also irresponsible in other parts of your life. It is good that you have stepped up to the plate and taken responsibility for your actions. Good luck and be strong, stay in college, and raise your child to be honest and truthful.There will always be prejudice against your choice. (And yes, it was a choice, because it was something that could have been prevented) But how you handle that prejudice will determine your and your child's future. If you dwell on it and act ashamed, then you will be treated as such.

Answer 9

I do agree with you that people should not be discriminating you for having a baby young. I don't believe it is right to have baby as a teenager but i understand you weren't meaning to have a baby. I am not judging you at all, but if i were you then i would have used a condom.
I am very glad that you kept the baby instead of having an abortion because thats even worse. Thats KILLING and innocent person.
I hope my oppinion helped a little bit. Take Care of Your family.

Answer 10

I don't hold that stereotype for teenage mothers, because I know they made a mistake, and I know they went through a tough time in their life and now have a great responsibility.

Oh, and I congratulate you for not smoking, not drinking, having the time and energy to have a good life, and for wanting your daughter to be a caring, intelligent, and independent person. You're a good mother to say those things. :-)