how do I tell my children?

Question

my ex husband was very violent so when my eldest son was 18 months and I was 8 weeks pregnant with my twins we left .my ex has had no contact with the children and when the twins were two weeks old I met a man I thought was the best thing we were happy and all the children call him dad cause he asked me if they cud .After two years he started to get funny and snap for no reason especially at my eldest who wud cry afterwards but he still loved him .We split for a week a few months ago but he said he missed me and wanted to come home I told kids he had gone away for work as he sometimes does.Today he has gone for good and the children are coming home from nanny and grandads they are 2 and a half and 4 how do I explain daddy is never coming back and they will never see him again

Answer 1

honey, i have been through a similar situation,my son is four years old. you just have to sit down with them and let them know that relationships are hard they may not understand now but they will later when they get into their own issues with dating.you have to kiss alot of frogs until you find a prince or princess. and you got those who get everything right the first time around. You also make sure you speak of all the good times that was had with daddy and that he was a good person but you used to argue to much.keep it real. but dont be bitter.You did the right thing for your sanity and for a positive atmosphere for your kids.no one can function in chaos.you offered protection and safety for those kids you are a good mom.but just be honest.hiding will only make matters worst and they will resent you for withholding info as they get older. And some day love will touch you again and prepare them for that. in the meantime continue being a good mom and woman and think about what kind of men you are attracting in your life and what qualities do you truly enjoy in a man and what sort of questions will you ask to screen any undesireables.what are your turn ons and turn offs. what have you learned from your past relationships are you too aggressive,to timid,insecure who are you. bless you i wish you well.

Answer 2

I would wait until the kids bring it up. Just say he's on vacation or at work for now. They are very young and you need to be strong for them and show them that you will survive and you will be fine. Do not have crying jags or complain about the father when they're in the house and don't start drinking or smoking or drugging. Keep your complaining and loneliness to a strictly need to know basis -- like a proven very good best friend who will not gossip to others about it. And explain simply that "daddy loves you guys but that mommy and daddy are fighting too much and he is moving to his new home" only if the eldest keeps questioning over and over. do not get into the knockout dragout adult details. Tell him he is loved, and daddy and mommy love him and it's nobody's fault. Mommy and daddy need some time apart, is all.

Answer 3

Well, the truth is always the best, since he wasn't a very nice guy with them, I don,t think it will bother them, probably be a relief that they won't be snapped at etc anymore.

I would also maybe wait until they ask the question and tell them, Dad was not a good person, so he has left and mommy will try to find a real good dad that will love you just as mommy does.

It isn't always easy to tell children, but they are smarter that we think and understand more than we can imagine.

I am sorry that this has happened to you, but there are still a few good men out there, so don't give up..

Answer 4

Never tell them their father is never coming home. The out of town work sounds like a great story to me. Chances are he will show up again eventually, even if it's only to see the children. It may be three months or three years from now, but never say never to children this young. At their age they will anticipate their father coming home for awhile but will soon get used to his being gone and will adjust with his being away at work. Do not tell your children this man is not their father. If for whatever reason this ever comes to light, handle the situation then. No need to confuse them with something that isn't a problem as of yet. Because this man is incompatible with you is no reason to believe he doesn't love the children. Good luck with your situation.

Answer 5

At 2 and a half and 4 the are far too young for you to explain what has happened. For the time being, stick to daddy working away, but try and involve them in as much of your daily routine as possible so they don't have time to realise he's not around and ask the grandparents to help out as much as they can. That way the children can get used to him not being around. It won't be easy and there will be times when they miss him, but always keep in mind why he's left in the first place. Your first responsibility is to your kids. Kep them out of any violent situation and good luck to you. It will take time, but you can do this for youself and your kids

Answer 6

It would be very difficult trying to explain to children that young. Of course they wouldn't understand and will only ask questions that you will find hard to answer. I would tell them that Daddy has gone away, to work (they will accept this) and when they keep asking, as they will, just tell them the same thing. When one of them cottons on (which they will do) that something's not quite right and Daddy's been away too long, try to explain then. It's not an easy one at all, but what they don't know can't hurt them, they are only very young. You will be able to explain to them better when you are feeling less hurt and upset by the situation and you will be less likely to say apportion blame and make him out to be the baddy, whether he is or not I'm sure you don't want your children to think too badly of him.

Answer 7

Telling children the reality is by no skill baby abuse. each from time to time there are more desirable helpful strategies to assert it than others, yet although. i think it isn't sturdy for children to have their heads messed with with such issues as Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, the Stork, or any fanciful explaination you supply to them of how issues artwork. i became fed a gaggle of those at the same time as i became youthful, and that i grew up believeing a number of them properly into my children basically because i did not make an attempt to imagine about and question them. imagine about this. have you ever considered the Adam Sandler action picture "The Water Boy"? if so, imagine about the quite a few explainations that Bobby's mama continuously gave him as to how the international works, and how they affected him. it really is, of direction, an severe and exaggerated party, even with the undeniable fact that the point is valid although. each little thing it quite is offered to a baby as actuality, it quite is in reality fiction, is something they might ought to un-learn later in existence. Why positioned them through each and each of the problem? Why no longer do it precise the first time? P.S.- Santa Clause, aka, Saint Nicolaus, became a real individual. He became a pastor (bishop) in historic Roman Turkey. He lived from 270 advert to 343 advert.

Answer 8

explain that when your an adult sometimes,like children people dont get on and this can cause problems for the people around them aswell.explain that he still loves them very much but what has happened is for the best ,they will obviously be upset and may even feel like you have done wrong but let them tak to you about how there felling about the situation and once the talk is over do something nice for them like tke them for a day trip and show them that without a daddy you can all still be happy .there young so they wont understand completly .all the best

Answer 9

There is no easy way, unfortunatley.
Tell them the truth, but make it as vauge and as simple as you possibly can. Try not to get upset. They will pick up on that.
Don't lie to them about anything they ask you, but don't fill their heads with details that they could do without knowing( at least at this age, daddy was nasty to mummy, for example) 'Just fob them off with i'll tell you when your older' (it also gives you time to asess how to do this tactfully).
If at all possible avoid 'bad mouthing' their father, as they age they will certainly appreciate that(The oppertunity to make up their own minds).
Whilst waiting for them to return, try to think of all possible questions the children could ask, and try to prepare answers for them.
This is somthing I experianced many times as i was growing up, and its not easy(for you or the kids) but life is never easy, and the kids will eventually get used to him not being there. By the time I hit 8 I was pretty much emotionally independant and my mothers failed relationships didn't bother me that much(Apart from the emotional pain felt by my mother) Kids are resilient little buggers, You can't wrap the world in cotton wool for them, and in a way its good to learn things like this early, as when they are older and find out what the world is about, It'll be less of an impact.

Answer 10

might have been a good idea if they could have seen him at least one more time rather than just never seeing him again - as they did view him as their dad. Guess you just have to be honest, tell them you love them very much but explain that things didnt work out and that he has gone away. Sounds like a hard situation to be in, and is going to be hard for the kids 2....good luck! :-)