Is it just me, or are there other people out there who really, really cannot stand their stepchildren? I am so sick of faking it. They are the biggest bunch of loser, deadbeat screwed up idiots I've ever met, and we do not like each other. They are adults now, and still cause trouble. Just because you fall in love with the parent DOES NOT mean you even have to like the baggage. If you had to do it over again, would you change it?
2006-08-20 03:03:43 · 10 answers · asked by mcghankathy 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Unfortunately, there are a lot of parents that try to turn their children against the step-parent and do everything in their power to thwart every effort to form a good relationship. I'm still in good graces with my step-daughter, but her mother is doing everything she can to turn her against me and I'm afraid it will happen. My husband, thankfully, is doing what he can to make sure that won't happen...but a lot of men are so afraid of confrontation or are so busy over-compensating, that they allow it to happen whether or not they realize it.
I feel sorry for you, that you couldn't form a bond with them ... but just realize you came into this marriage KNOWING he had kids. You DO have to be civil ... start snarling and actively showing your dislike and you may have marital trouble. Don't ever stand between a parent and their children. Eventually, you will lose. Good luck.
2006-08-20 03:21:00 · answer #1 · answered by schaianne 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can relate to you in some way. I moved in w/ my b/f nearly 3 yrs ago. He is the custodial parent of his 9 yr old daughter, and I have no kids of my own. I do love her to death and would maim and kill to protect her if it were necessary.
HOWEVER, there are a lot of things that happen that I have issues with. First my b/f has a good kid, but she has done kid things, and what she is given as a punishment never sticks, and is a lot of times not sever enough to fit the crime. Also he works a lot so I am the one here w/ her and she always asks me the 'put you on the spot' kind of questions. I know that I am not her real mother, but on mother's day it would be nice to get even a card saying thanks for doing 80% of the time what my true mom should be.
Speaking of her mom, the woman has issues. My b/f has custody b/c she had drug problems then, but I think she still has them now. I haven't seen her act as though she has ANY class what-so-ever. All of this is being daughter to her daughter, especially cuz, u guessed it...she thinks mommy hung the moon..
It takes a lot for me cuz I'd like to explain to her that her mommy isn't all that. Why do you live w/ daddy (cuz judges rarely take custody from the mom) and why doesn't mommy call at all ever between her visit days. And did you know that she is supposed to send $ to help take care of each month, but never has. And just curious, the 75 dollars you had saved up and she borrowed, have you gotten that back yet?
She cares for me I know, but I do feel like a nanny, or just the maid sometimes. She sometimes acts as though she doesn't have to listen to me, but this is my house. I am the adult, and I will hold my tongue, but I do wish I could say what I feel with my hurt feelings. But I love her and her dad. And if I had the initial decision to do again, I may be run off this time, being three years wiser. (Deciding to keep dating him even though he has a 6 yr old little girl (which it is more all the drama that comes w/ an adult that has no respect for you or your partner having so much time clock with your life))
I say that if they are grown then when it comes time for you to have to fake nice, stop. Say I did what I was able to help be someone that you could count on during your childhood, and I will admit sometimes you made me quite frustrated. Now that you are no longer kids though you will leave me alone, or you will treat me with respect. If you won't do either than you can leave my home, and explain to your husband that he will need to go visit them until they can be an adult and fake nice. After all, you did it all those years and enough is enough.
2006-08-20 03:37:36 · answer #2 · answered by girlnoladrea 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a right to dislike them, but I don't think it's cool to call them things that they aren't. Maybe your stepchildren may or may not be that way; I don't know. I'm not sure if you think *all* stepchildren (whatever age) are losers, etc.
Only thing I can think of to say is have some patience. If you truly can't stand them, don't be around them. It's not like they're little children. They're adults and you aren't required to spend your time with them. I guess it's an issue you need to bring up with your husband, just not quite the way you brought it up here..lol
2006-08-20 03:24:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No it's not just you. Mine are adults and a bunch of losers as well.
If I had it to do over again...HELL YES I WOULD CHANGE IT!
I would never have married into the family. I love my husband but his kids from his first marriage treat him like sh*t and their mom cheated on him! She only kept her kids for the money then she raised them to be as pathetic and bitter as she is.
Just so you know, there could have been a bond established if my husbands meddling sister-in-law had minded her own business. She is forever keeping the animosity going between me and my stepkids. From her point of view; when it starts looking like me and the kids are getting along the sister-in-law throws a huge monkey wrench in it. It has come to the point that I am at fault for things that could have been avoided if she'd stayed out of it altogether. No matter what I do or say to them they always believe her.
You are lucky they are adults. You are not obligated to them unless you choose to be.
2006-08-23 13:52:17 · answer #4 · answered by NyteWing 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I rather have 2 step-toddlers...yet they are youthful adults now. Their father and that i've got basically gotten married and that i'm hoping, in time, they could see me as a buddy as a replace of as a replace for their mom. i visit on no account attempt to take her place of their lives and that they only could see that. And whilst they see how plenty i like and know their father...long term...i think of it's going to make a difference additionally.
2016-12-17 14:03:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be glad that they are adults and don't live with you. I have 3 step children and a different relationship with each. None hateful thankfully. Keep you communication to a minimum. You owe them nothing but to love their parent and make your spouse happy.
2006-08-23 18:11:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well I have to disagree with you on that one....In fact I love my youngest daughter so much, I don't even use that step-prefix...guess I'm lucky....I would never consider her baggage in any form anyway....The decision to take on the partner includes the child/children also....If you feel so strongly against them, I wonder how they feel about you?
2006-08-20 03:18:17 · answer #7 · answered by Jdubyathree 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have no sympathy for you because you know perfectly well
when you marry a woman you marry her family. If they were too
much for and you and them couldn't try to like each other for the
sake of the mother/girlfriend then you shouldn't have married her.
2006-08-20 03:10:30 · answer #8 · answered by retrodragonfly 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I know several step parents who think of their stepkids are their own children.
2006-08-20 03:10:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
you knew what came along when you married your partner. my husband had a stepmum she hated him and he hated her. you should try your best to get on with them. as it is unfair on your partner.dont be like my husbands stepmother a real cow.
2006-08-20 03:13:15 · answer #10 · answered by Joanne L 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋