What should I do? I never thought I would wants kids, but have changed my mind. I've brought it up kind of casualy but he still does not want kids... is it wrong that I have changed my mind... I honestly didn't want children before, I feel I have mis led him now.... what should I do.
2006-08-20 02:57:50 · 27 answers · asked by eeeeeeeeclipse 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
When a person develops over time...his/her wants, desires, and needs change. That's the wonderfulness about life. Who wants to be the same from start to finish in life. So...communicate this with him...don't apologize for your feelings changing. It happens all the time. His feelings and points of view on many issues have changed as well. Discuss the idea with him in an honest fashion. I'm sure he loves you and because of that he will listen.
2006-08-20 03:07:31 · answer #1 · answered by Laughing Man Copycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have both known that making a decision about kids/no kids early on in life is not a good idea. Especially if you were very young when you got married (another topic). You need to discuss it with him. Let him know exaclty why you changed you mind. Tell him excactly what you felt and why you chose to not have kids up to this point. Then you need to let him know exactly what has changed you mind. If you are articulate explaining this you may have a chance at changing his mind. You may have to bargain with him.. Say... if he says yes.. you'll mow the yard for 5 years or.. he can buy something he's always wanted.. lol J/K
2006-08-20 03:10:00 · answer #2 · answered by wikid14141 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down at dinner and tell him that you never had wanted kids, but now all of a sudden you do. Say that you think you are in a position where you could have a child and that it is something you are serious about. Then see what he has to say. He probably will be surprised and you have to accept that he most likely hasn't changed his mind. It is okay for you to change your mind, just don't expect him to. If children are that important to you now, you'll have a difficult choice to make, I just highly recommend not playing with the birth control to create a "surprise".
Good Luck!
2006-08-20 03:05:04 · answer #3 · answered by emp04 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, how long have you been married? If it wasn't recently, you didn't mislead him at all. People change over time. You need to discuss it with him seriously. Do you think you could get that fulfillment from something like volunteering with children, or does it have to be having your own child? Is he completely unwilling to even consider it? If you have to and he won't, you might need to go your separate ways. But that is a drastic move and should only be made after all other possibilities have been exhausted. Maybe some therapy would be helpful.
2006-08-20 03:04:00 · answer #4 · answered by Kanga_tush2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong of you, for one thing. You didnt mislead him because you were honest when you told him back then (you meant it). Your mind has CHNAGED now, so now you are honest when you say you DO want kids, as well.
Hmmm. Maybe if you know what happened or how you see differently, that you now want children, and can explainit to him so he sees from your point of view--- he may agree and desire children, too. ?
Like- I feel we have reached a secure place; we can benefit our children as I didnt' think we could before/ You have proven yourself an ideal father-type andour love hasn't weakened but strengthened with time/ I would love to passonthe love we share to others, ie children, and have them experience the same joyous life that we have/ --- list the reasons contributing to your mind change. ....
Hope that helps....
2006-08-20 03:02:38 · answer #5 · answered by Yentl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can only be open and honest with him about how you feel. If he still isn't interested, you really have to weigh up, can he give you a life to make up for the fact that you don't have kids.
I was the other way. I couldn't have kids (had a hysterectomy because of ovarian cancer at 18) and my husband knew that when we got married. Then he wanted them so badly and left me. He now has the baby he always wanted.
2006-08-20 03:02:06 · answer #6 · answered by sarah071267 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two need to talk. Counseling is a good approach. I don't know what your lifestyle is like, but don't take this wrong, children are wonderful, but there will be change and with change there will be adjustments. This should be agreed by both on having children.
2006-08-20 03:11:39 · answer #7 · answered by nicknacpattymac 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him, a little more than casually bringing it up. Tell him how you feel about the situation. Maybe since you changed your mind as you matured, he will too. The only way to find out is to talk about it, and if he really does love you, he will be willing to at least discuss it.
2006-08-20 03:04:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A child MUST be raised in a loving environment, It must be treasured by both parents. If your husband is not willing, no..not EAGER to have a child then having one is a mistake.
But
You can volunteer at hospitals, dare care centers, or an orphanage.
You'll be allowed to mother without endangering your marriage.
2006-08-20 03:06:02 · answer #9 · answered by Grundoon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're human and have the right to change your mind. however, you did tell him you didn't want kids in the beginning, so don't be surprised if he isn't happy about it. i would tell him. i read somewhere that having a child is like getting a tattoo on your face, you better be sure before you do it. talk to him about it....
2006-08-20 03:03:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋