how do i keep my family happy?

Question

i work an hour away from home and love my job. my family is giving me a hard time because i dont spend time with them or their kids. i try to give up alot of my time to be with them but its still very little. now they really dont talk to me at all. i have to call them, i never get calls,i never get invited to go anywhere with them,unless i call them i dont know whats going on in their lives. i told them how i feel but they said this is all my fault that we are not close because im never around.i need my job and dont want to leave it,i beg my family to talk to me but it doesnt seem to help.i love my family and want to be a part of their lives but they seem ok without me in theirs. what can i do to make everyone happy?

Answer 1

From your info, it sounds like you're more mature than they are. It's so hard when people won't consider both sides of an issue.

The best thing you can do is keep loving them. Do what you think is right, but don't buy into their childish games. If you feel yourself taking all the blame, do what helps you keep your balance- meditate, pray, exercise.

Also, you express yourself well. Write about your feelings as often as you can. You may decide to share something you've written with your family, or just keep it for your own "therapy". Sometimes a poem or letter can be more effective in getting people to understand.

Good luck...I'm sure you'll find a way to break through this barrier.

Answer 2

From your post I gather this is your parents, siblings and nieces and nephews, not your marriage and your children.

Firstly, it sounds like you are a very warm hearted, caring person, otherwise it wouldn't upset you that they are acting like this with you :) Secondly, it is not your fault!

Sometimes familes have expectations of each person, alomst like a "role" we play and when circumstances change in your life, they take it personally, and then try to put the person back into their "place".

It is really hard to go into detail in such a small space as this, but here are a couple of thoughts and suggestions:

If you enjoy your life and job, that is all that matters. You must take care of yourself first. In the coaching profession, we call it Extreme Self Care. It doesn't mean being bossy or arrogant, it means you put yourself first. Once you do that, it frees you to be available to others.

Also, set boundaries for the people in your family. You get to pick when and how you will see them, not the other way around. So, say you will be off next Saturday, you can call some of your family that you enjoy being, and see if they'd like to visit you or get together some other way. At first it may seem that they always will want to get together on the days when you are working or have other plans with your friends, or even maybe a date. Practice saying "no, that won't work for me" even if it is hard. It will get easier!

As far as not talking to you, I had this same problem! So what I did when my sister and brother called and complained I hadn't talked to them in a long time, I told the "the phone lines work both ways" , made a joke about it, and that any time they want to talk to me they could just pick up the phone, and I'd appreciate hearing from them anytime. The weird thing is, they were so used to me calling them that they never actually thought about calling me. It wasn't deliberate it was just a habit on their part.

Answer 3

You can't make everyone happy. They will always (wrongly) think of you as a selfish person because you didn't give up your job to spend more time with them too. You will be best off telling them that you would like them to call you now and then, and if they don't call you just show up at the major family events. They don't have to live your life so they don't know, but if they are not interested in being family with you then you have done everything you can. Make some new friends.

Answer 4

You don't have to make anyone happy. Make YOURSELF happy. Your family sounds quite selfish. If you are happy where you work, then keep doing it, cause it's your future that you have to think about, forget the rest. Live for yourself and not others. If they wanna be with you, then let them call you. Don't call them ever again, see if they miss you eventually. If they don't call you for a while, then you know where you stand with them. I understand that you love them, but if they wanna be that way, then show them that you can be that way too. Does it matter if you work an hour or ten minutes away?!? What is the difference? Work is work and if you must work then so be it. Do they want you to quit your job so that you can be with them and be unhappy that you are making nothing of yourself?!? Do what you can and don't worry about the rest. Good luck!

Answer 5

You enjoy your job and it sounds like you have no children. You don't say how much time goes by between you contacting them and maybe you have blown them off several times and they've had it. If you want, continue to stay in touch or make a better effort. No one is saying you have to give up your job -- but you may want to make a note in your calendar book about at least calling mom once a week to fill her in on what's going on with you and she with her news. That way, one person is appointed to give the news and you get the conversation over in an hour until next week...

Answer 6

Its sad but if you love your job then you must continue working. However try to spend more time with them during the holidays or weekends perhaps that will satisfy them. I think you need to set up a timetable . Some time for your work then yourself then your family. As you do spend time with them remind them that you are with them and it would be nice if they could do the same for you. Every time you go to visit them try to make special so they take notice of you. Like talk about a different subject or take something with you that they like to eat. Sometimes we have to buy attention.

Answer 7

Sometimes family don't understand that you have a life too. i would say to them I am happy at my job and I don't want to do anything that would be hurtful to that. i will make time each week and see you. That is the best I can do right now and if you don't find that enough then I am sorry, I love you but I need to do what is best for me not for the family at this point. Be happy for me and support me as I would support anything that you do......

Answer 8

well sacrifices have to be made.. but it depends on how old ur children r to.. i mean if they r old enough then let them know that working is a part of life and it's something that u have to do in order for them to have nice things, for them to have the necessities, and to have some place to live.. let them know u can't live anywhere for free and that nothing is for free in life.. let them know what u do, u do for them.. let them know that ur trying ur best to spend as much time w/them as possible and that it's gonna get better in the future.. on ur days off u should plan a family day, whether it be to the park, an amusement pk, out to eat, a movie, bowling or anything...

or u could look for another job closer to home..

Answer 9

Be happy yourself first!

After that, talk to tell and express your feelings. Let them know what's happening...

Then everyone play a part to make the whole thing work!

Blood is still thicker than water! Family will always be there!

Answer 10

Rule #1- you can't make other people happy.

Rule #2- Set boundaries. Families can suck the life out of you if you let them. See them when you can, and spend your other free time doing what you want to do.

I am in a similar situation. My family gets mad at me if I don't spend all my free time with them. I have learned to take time for myself and see them when I can.