I am a woman in my mid-forty with two children in college, I have not seen either of my parents since I was nine years old, my mother was a very verbal abusive woman, and she turned a blind eye to the deeds of my father who was a monster. Last time I saw my parents they abandon me at a doctor office, I had a case of VD given to me by my father. My husband thinks I should read the letter, I am afraid that is full of poisons words. What should I do?
2006-08-20 01:55:18 · 22 answers · asked by myrawh 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
just read it. you wont get anything off not reading it. and if it says bad things its okay but its better to know than to not know. just read it.
2006-08-20 02:02:26 · answer #1 · answered by Christina G. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this is a tough situation. I guess you have to decide what you can live with. If you can live without ever knowing what was in the letter, then fine. If it does have an apology in it, or an attempt at reconcilliation, would you feel ok knowing you passed on it? What is the worst case scenario if it is full of poison? Could you handle that? If you already have no relationship with her, how much worse can a letter full of poison make the situation?
I'd be inclined to read it if I were you. If it is awful, you can go on hating her or at least, not having any relationship with her. Maybe it validates for you the fact that you have had no relationship with them...makes you aware that you have done the right thing all these years, no question.
If it is an apology or an attempt at reconcilliation, you don't have to follow up on it, but it might offer you a sense of peace, that they (or she at least) acknowledges your suffering in life, and might make it easier for you to carry on.
If you wanted to acknowledge it, or reconcile, then that is an option too, but totally up to you.
She'll never know if you opened it or not if you don't respond. So opening it doesn't oblige you to respond in any way.
You could always get hubby to read it first, and forward it to you only if it is something he thinks you want to read, but I personally wouldn't do it this way.
Either way, and whatevery you choose, good luck. I'm sorry about how things happened for you as a little girl. That is way more than anyone should have to deal with. Congratulations of having two kids in college. I hope they are doing well. Good for you for getting your life together after facing some tough challenges.
2006-08-20 02:07:46 · answer #2 · answered by teachinmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only way you can say you have moved on with your past experiences is when you can go back and reminisce the past without anymore regret and pain but purely relief that you are already over it.
if you have not moved on yet, you should not open the letter but let your husband do it for you because you never know what is inside the letter. Come to think of it, why would your Mom sends you a letter. It must be very important. At least you can tell your husband not to tell you about the letter if it contains something you wouldnt like.
i think the letter may be important. it may put closure to everything.
2006-08-20 02:36:56 · answer #3 · answered by arthurmljr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
read the letter you are a wonderful person even though you have had bad things happen to you. You could not forgive yourself if the letter was a apology and you did not read it , if the letter has bad things then you would know that she has not changed have you husband close by he will help support you if it is full of poison words. if you throw it away you will always wonder what it said words cannot hurt you now you are a very Strong person or you would not have accomplished what you have done
2006-08-20 02:32:41 · answer #4 · answered by shabella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have your husband or a close friend read it first. If it is full of poison, then discard it. Maybe she wants to make ammends, which is probably the case. Either way, the ball is in your court.
She could be passing on vital information about some medical condition that you may not know about. I would have someone else read through the letter.
2006-08-20 02:36:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
let your husband read it - the only thing you should read would be an apology and maybe telling you where you can pick up your inheritance - if that is not in the first half of the letter then make him burn it and never discuss it again with you.
If you have managed to make a life for yourself and have a loving relationship with your family (husband and children ) don't risk the emotional upheaval that you have worked very hard at maintaining.
a person is suppose to show respect for their parents but it doesn't mean that you have to inflict yourself with emotional harm.
the letter already unopened is giving you anguish
2006-08-20 02:08:10 · answer #6 · answered by prettymama 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you should you know? Be it sweet or hurtful words, you should read and see what it contains. If its "poisonous", remember that you're away from her now and that you have your hubby with you.
Who knows, the letter might be a step taken by your mum towards reconciliation. Anyhow, its always ok to read. To put it in a blunt way, since you've experience those sad events with her before, I don't see why you can't face another.
Be strong. Read it. Good or bad, forgive her.
God bless you and your family.
Take care
2006-08-20 02:04:24 · answer #7 · answered by Julian C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you could let your husband read it first and allow him to decide if he thinks the letter is hurtful or healing. I am so sorry for what you have gone through. It doesn;t sound like you owe your mother anything, but it may help you mend if the letter contains an apology.
I have no expertise to give advise.....just sharing my thoughts. Best of luck to you.
2006-08-20 02:02:59 · answer #8 · answered by jan g 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know the hurt you are going through. I am in a similar situation. So, if it were me I would read the letter with my husband and with people who love me. Read it out loud with them so that you won't be going through this alone. Do this for you. Not for her. If you don't read it you will always wonder what it said.
2006-08-20 02:14:04 · answer #9 · answered by Girl1607 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'd "D", deal with this on the subsequent holiday to the Aquarium, and that i'd also answer her letter in a lighthearted vein .... type of ..... "i understand you'll in no way have written the type of stupid letter in case you had commonly used that my son is unable to stroll more effective than some steps, for very few moments, yet i am going to describe his issues to you in case you want." element out on your be conscious, that per chance faster or later, someone in her kinfolk may require a wheel chair to have mobility, and her toddlers are already getting to understand about tolerance, staying power, kindness and including those with disabilities into their activities.
2016-11-30 21:06:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would read it out of curiousity to see if maybe she wants to say sorry for being a terrible mom, i'm 23 years old when i was three both of my parents abandon me by leaving me for days is the apartment we all lived in. someone found out was ther alone and called child welfare , thankfully my grandmother saved me from being in foster care by adopting me,i too was abused, but lived a great life with my grandmother until she pasted away in 2003 but i'm good, i'm married and have my first child on the way. as far as my birth parents are concerned me and my mom started mending when she died in 2001 around that time my dad resurfaced to come to my mom's funreal we started healing also but it's taking me a little longer to forgive him completey, the best thing is that i got to show how great life turned out in spite of how they treated me, i think this is you time to show hey look at the wonderful person you missed out on.
2006-08-20 02:43:23 · answer #11 · answered by karenbx832004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋