Is there any way to help a loved one to stop self harming?

Question

Ok, here's the deal - My girlfriend has had a tough old life from day one - raped when she was 10, abused daily by both parents, split from her twin sister and put into care at 13, and forced into one-off prostitution when she was 14. She has just started self harming, with pieces of glass, and I desperately need to find ways to help her through it. I suggested a tight elastic band round her wrist which she could flick to get that instant pain thing, but even while the band was on her wrist, she slashed her arm with glass again. :( :( :(

HELP!!! HELP!!!! HELP!!!!

Answer 1

I think what is really important from your question is the fact that you have asked how to "help" her stop not asked how to "make" her stop.

Please remember, unless you are a mental health professional, you can't make yourself responsible for her condition. You are doing a great job already by being supportive and willing to see her get better. You can make yourself responsible for her behaviour though, and in fact, until she accepts responsibilty for herself, she can't really get better.

Please, encourage her to get help from a mental health professional. Get a referral from a family doctor, or call and ask for help from a local mental health agency. You can certainly continue to support her through their advice, providing a solid base to help her achieve success.

Please be careful of do it yourself suggestions. They may help, but they may not either and if her condition deteriorates without the benefit of medical supervision, you wouldn't want to feel that you had missed out on some essential element of well being.

She is lucky to have a supportive friend like you. She has so much to overcome, and I wish both of you so many blessings on this difficult journey. Good luck.

Answer 2

According to the reading I have done regarding hypoglycemia (low blood sugar), the brain, when it senses that blood sugar is low, will do sometimes strange things to get the blood sugar (glucose) out of storage and into the blood stream. Adrenaline is one sure way to do this. If cutting and the pain that results causes your girlfriend to get an adrenaline rush, then low blood sugar is probably the cause.

Suggestion? Go to the kitchen and get some protein, meat, a can of tuna (salmon is better) or whatever, and fix it so she will eat it, before, during or after cutting. Also have some carbohydrate, like an apple, or some carrots/celery or other green vegetable, and also some nuts like almonds. If you can get her to eat at least 2 ounces of the protein then drink a glass of water, then see if you can divert her attention and do something else for 30 minutes. You may find her need to cut has lessened a bit.

In other words, if you can feed her, you may be able to help her, but you have to feed her a diet that will help control her blood sugar - 3 regular meals and 3 snacks (in between). The above suggestion is a snack sized portion.

Chronic low blood sugar can also cause self-esteem problems, anger management problems and a whole bunch of other physical and mental nasties. You may want to check out the symptoms link on www.hufa.org, and see how your girlfriend checks out.

Answer 3

I'm sorry that you're hurting. :( I really am. What causes you to feel useless and lonely? I think maybe you should try to find a sport or hobby. Something where you can meet new people and feel like you're acting putting your energy into something productive. I used to cut. And I know that quitting isn't easy!! Try to put your mind towards other things when you feel like cutting. I used to punch my pillow. Or sometimes I would write in a journal how I was feeling, then rip the page apart. (I sound like I have anger issues lol.) It also always felt good to have someone to talk to about it. You can message me anytime you want. Just please, KNOW that you aren't useless. And don't feel like you're alone- because you're not! You have all of your contacts on here who care about you alot. And I'm sure your family loves you very much too. And don't feel so guilty about cutting. Cutting doesn't make you a bad person!!! It just means that you need better ways to let your emotions out. Good luck. I know you can get through this.

Answer 4

Unfortunately your g/f is the one who needs to admit that she needs help otherwise any help offered will only fall on deaf ears. She needs to see her gp and explain her symptoms ,every one of them so she can then be prescribed the correct medication to help with her depression. She also needs referral to a psychotherapist so she can talk through her feelings and thoughts instead of taking her pain and anger issues out on herself there are therapists who specialise in childhood sexual abuse and rape.
As for you helping you can only be supportive towards her for no matter how hard you try you will not get her to just stop cutting also maybe the two of you could work at making the home a safer place by removing all objects she can self harm with.
I wish you all the luck in the world both of you!

Answer 5

Hi Kungfu- i have self- harmed for four years (i am now 22). I saw loads of healthcare professionals who all gave very different reactions and most of them proved a waste of time, for me anyway. One lady (not sure what she was) suggested the elastic band round my wrist also holding a ice cube, drawing with red pen on myself or simply doing something else. The truth is when i wanted or needed to cut thats what i was gonna do and pretty much nothing or no-one was going to stop me. Its hard for people who dont cut to understand i know. The thing is it does help self-harmers to cut, it releases something inside (This has been proven too). Im not saying your girlfriend is exactly the same as me and could be helped or even stopped, i am writing this from personal experience.
What you need to do is be there for her- give her lots of hugs and a shoulder to cry on. Try to understand if you can- if not just let her be. Dont judge her, dont say cutting is stupid or a silly thing to do, its her way of coping- she WILL get through it. Dont make comments or remarks- self harmers can feel very ashamed about what they do and arent pleased they actually cut themselves. As well as emotionally supportive be there practically (i dont mean buy her blades!) i mean like if she has to go for opts bout the SH with mental health people- go along to provide her that support- it can be very scary! I think thats all i wanna say- oh- most people dont self harm for life either, she is more than likely to pull through it feeling stronger than before. Take care (you and your GF!)

Answer 6

i think the only way she would be able to get through her problems would be to talk to a councillor,you alone wont be able to solve this problem.it goes far more than an elastic band.she needs help,she is obviously hurting alot and finds it hard to deal with what happened,start by getting her to talk to someone professional.the only and best thing you can do is support her 100% and always be there,let her no she can always talk but she really does need help asap befor she does something really bad.all the best

Answer 7

i can see why you are deserpate to help your girlfriend. sounds like the poor girl has been though an awful lot. has she had any form of counciling?
id like to give you this website which i found ages ago because i think it maybe of great help. to her and to you. i think the best thing you can do is be there for her like u are doing now because she needs to know people do care and love her.
altho the tight band may seem like a good idea it is the feeling of release as she is cutting herself which is more than likely the cause. shes very lucky to have someone like yourself to care


http://www.recoveryourlife.com/

Answer 8

www.emofree.com the manual is free.
tapping works for ANY emotional condition
or try Alfons
www.alfonsven.com for further support
She must be terrified
If you could make her start tapping on the thing which is the most frightning for her or the most saddening.
Automutilation can be prevented with a bach remedie called rescue.
This will work direct but it's effect will fade the more you use it.

Answer 9

she indeed has had a rough life bless her. she need to get into therapy asap, she can go thru the mental health resource center and they can get her the proper treatment but you need to get her somewhere. she probally has a whole lot of unresolved feelings going on that you may even know about so get her to someone who is trained to deal with this. my hat is off to you for caring so much!!! she has a long road ahead of her and will need your support. take care!!!

Answer 10

Your friend has serious mental issues. She does need help but only herself and a trained therapist could help. Maybe their is a free clinic you could get her to go to.