So I was asked to be a backup bridesmaid for a friend. I accepted after asking if the wedding was in town because I don't have a car. Now I am in use, and just found out that I cannot afford the dress she picked out. Plus the place to be fitted for it is over 2 hours away! How can I back out without starting a fued?
2006-08-19 21:12:45 · 16 answers · asked by camero_angel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I would strongly suggest you talk to your friend about your concerns, the cost. If she really wants you as a bridesmaid she should be able to help with cost of the dress and as well as transportation. But just be honest.. is the best policy. I hope things work out.
Hugs Mel
2006-08-19 21:18:05 · answer #1 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you a backup bridesmaid or a traditional bridesmaid? I guess a backup bridesmaid is one to stand in if someone else can't make it-that sounds kinda weird.
You really can't back out of a wedding without hurting your friend. She is going to be so mad and rightfully so.
You should expect when agreeing to be in a wedding that there will be an expense. You could ask her if she has considered different dresses or if she can help you pay for the dress. And you should only have to be fitted once or twice for the dress so it being two hours away shouldn't be a problem.
2006-08-20 12:12:39 · answer #2 · answered by newjerseygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no choice than to nicely tell the bride that you would love to be a bridesmaid but you just don't have a way to get there for the fitting or the weddiing. Also be honest and tell her that you can't afford the dress. It is one of those things that you hold back doing because it is painful.......but get it over with.
I suggest you do a hand written note and then before she opens it, tell her the truth and everything. Don't hold back.
If she is upset she will have the note to read and then she can look at it later hopefully without emotions.
There might be a chance her family can help you with transportation and also help with the dress. Don;t ask for it.
Th is is one of those situations that isn't easy to do. But you have reality that you have to face. If the bride throws a fit, then that is her problem. She is already over stressed with the plans. Her reaction will probablly not directed at you, but at the circumstances. If it causes a fued....then what sort of friend is she??? If she is truely a friend she will not hold it against you. If she does.....then she has problems being in a friendship.
Just be confident when you talk to her. don 't let her rattle you.
2006-08-19 21:39:46 · answer #3 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is a BACKUP? bridesmaid anyway. Sounds like if someone backs out you get to be in it. , So why worry about it. Tell her you can't afford the dress and you have no way to drive out there to try on the dress anyway. It doesn't sound like you were really ask to be a bridesmaid and if you aren't why should you spend all that money getting a dress that you may not even wear. She doesn't have a reason to get mad if she only wants you to fill in if your needed and that's what it's sounds like.
2006-08-19 21:26:19 · answer #4 · answered by Countrygirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe its just better to b honest with her - tell her u cant afford the dress but also explain that its 2 hours away and u dont have a car and well thats ridiculous and she should understand otherwise shes just being selfish....besides who wants to be a "backup bridesmaid" anyway! Choose me 1st time or dont worry bout it.
2006-08-20 03:16:25 · answer #5 · answered by nicole 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be honest and tell her that you can't afford it, plus you can't get to the fittings. What the hell is a backup bridesmaid? That sounds really tacky to me, "can you be in my wedding if someone else backs out?" Tacky, very tacky.
2006-08-20 12:52:09 · answer #6 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was aked to be a backup bridesmaid once...
it really made me mad!!
i refused and the girl had to have her soon to be sister in law as her bridesmaid.....served her right, i thought!
tell her "no". she should have considered your finacial situation before hand and (as a bride) if she still wanted that particular dress and you to be her bridesmaid then should have split the cost and taken you to get it!
thats considerate.
this situation is not your fault...but you have to deal with it. so don't feel bad...tell her how you feel and go from there. like everyone else says, if she throws a fit...she's obviously got the problem.
good luck!
2006-08-20 08:51:30 · answer #7 · answered by deanna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your friend.
Explain that her wedding is important to you, but that you are unable to financially do your part.
Offer to help with planning things and make it clear you still want to be her friend, but that money is too big of an issue right now.
Be very nice about it, be sure you let her know you appreciate her choice to ask you. If she is truly a good friend she will understand. Just be honest & let her know as soon as you can.
www.brieds2wives.com
2006-08-20 07:40:01 · answer #8 · answered by ~M~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just say I am sorry that I cannot be in the wedding I am not able to make the trip to the fitter and that due to finicial issues will not be able to be in it.
2006-08-19 21:18:26 · answer #9 · answered by movin12006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with her and tell her you just can't afford it. You won't be the first person to have ever done that. If she's your friend she'll understand.
2006-08-20 02:50:42 · answer #10 · answered by shizzlechit 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋