Would anyone want to share a really funny CLEAN joke?

Answer 1

Two dumb guys are walking down the street. One looks up and says, "Wow, isn't the sun bright today?." The second one says, "That's not the sun. Its the moon." They continue on in this way for several blocks until they come upon another guy. "Pardon me," one of them says to the stranger, "but would you mind setting us straight on something?" and pointing to he sky, he explains, "My friend believes that he is looking at the sun up there, but I say that it is the moon... Which is correct? Please tell us." The stranger looks high in the sky and scratches his head for a moment and then answers the two dumb guys... "How could I know?... I don't live in this neighborhood."

You can laugh now...

Two dumb guys are on their way to work; each carries a lunch box. The first one says, very sadly, "I've only got two donuts to last me the whole day. How many do you have?" His dumb companion answers, "I'm not tellin'... but if you can guess how many I've got, you can have them both." After a moment the first one smiled and said, "Three?" and the second guy opened his lunch box and paid up.

You can moan to this one...

Okay... last one:

What do you call a boomerang if it won't come back when you throw it? .... A stick.

{}{}{} r u randy? {}{}{}

Answer 2

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their *** to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their asses!
5. When people say, while watching a film, "Did you see that?". No, Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya, Sunshine?
7. When something is "new and improved!"...Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever experiences!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Dumb-***?

Answer 3

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
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A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Answer 4

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.
As she lay her pet on the table,
the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said,
"I'm so sorry, your duck Cuddles has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.

"How can you be so sure," she protested.
"I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything.

He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room,
and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.

As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind
legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from
top to bottom.

He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments
later with a cat.

The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the
bird from head to foot.

The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is
most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and
produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill.
"$150!", she cried, "$150 just to tell me my %#&! duck is dead!!

The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it,
the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat
Scan, it's now $150.00.

Answer 5

This guy is going on vacation in Flordia, and his wife, who's on a business trip, is meeting him there the next day. He decides to email her, saying that he got to the hotel okay, but he lost the little scrap of paper he had her email address written down on. He tries to get the email address by memory, but winds up missing by one letter, and sending it to an old preacher's wife, who's husband died the day before. She checks her email, screams, and drops dead on the floor. Her family, who she lives with, comes running into the room to see what's wrong. They look at the computer screen, and see this email:

My Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Your Loving Husband.

P.S. Sure is hot down here

Answer 6

Angry Lady
Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."

Answer 7

whats a difference between a rooster and a whore.

a rooster would say..c o c k a doodle dooooo

a whore would say "heck....any c o c k will do, honey


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There was 4 men standing on the edge of a cliff
1 white
1 black
1 mexican
1 jew
1 indian

The mexican man say "THIS IS FOR MY PEOPLE" and jumps off the cliff.

The jew does the same thing "THIS IS FOR MY PEOPLE" and jumps off the cliff.

The Indian yell "THIS IS FOR MY PEOPLE" and jumps off the cliff.

Now it is the black persons turn..he looks over the cliff and see the 3 men laying dead about 500 feet below.

He yell's "THIS IS FOR MY PEOPLE" then pushes the white man off the cliff.

Answer 8

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

Answer 9

Why did the doctor keep bandages in the refridgerator?


For cold cuts.

Answer 10

Q: What do you call two white people pushing a car up a hill?
A: White power

Q: What do you call two black people pushing a car up a hill?
A: Black power

Q: What do you call two mexicans pushing a car up a hill?
A: Grand theft auto


(It's not too racist, so I hope no-ones offended by it)