Is it better to stay away from parents ir basically just let them walk all over you and make you feel uncomfor

Question

im 31 had alot of bad child hood memories just looking for some goo advice thanks>

Answer 1

The best thing to do for starters, talk to them, if they don't want to listen, then stay away. You have the right to live your own life. They had that right, why shouldn't you. You will never be able to please everyone, not even your parents, but if you are pleased with your life, then that is all that matters. They are the ones that will have to live with themselves knowing that they are missing out on there own child's life. If they can live with it, why can't you?

Answer 2

Stay away from them if the upset you or if it's an unhealthy relationship. That's what I've had to do with my two parents. It's not that they are bad people, they just have their own issues and bring nothing positive or healthy to the relationship. I'm still in contact with them via phone & mail. At least you'll have control if you do that. You can always end a phone call if they get out of control. Of course, I have children & I don't want my kids to go without grandparents. I allow them to come visit, I just don't go out of my way to see them.

I see it like this...they've done all this damage over and over through the years. I was a child and basically a prisoner of this nonsense for years. Now I'm in my 30's. I know how they are going to behave & effect me. If I allow my self to be in that situation, I can no longer blame them, I am to blame for ALLOWING myself to be back in that situation.

Of course, I really believe the best thing you could do is either sit and explain how you feel about your past with them or write them a letter. Maybe they'd be willing to change or work things out if they knew how you felt. But if that doesn't work, you should probably but some distance between your family for the sake of your mental health.

Answer 3

I'm 34.

My father hurt me when I was a kid. My mother couldn't care less. My mother's favorite phrase to me as a child was "I don't care". And she didn't care... about anything, it seemed. My care and well-being were taken over by my Grandmother at an early age. When I finally told my mother what my father had done to me the only thing she said was, "oh". I was 19.

I don't really speak to my mother anymore. I have a wonderful husband who has wonderful, if sometimes infuriating, parents who have taken me in as one of their own. My mother gets in touch with me when she needs money. I don't want contact with her beyond what is necessary. I talk to her occasionlly because I would have no knowledge of the rest of my relatives if I didn't speak to her.

My father. I had last seen my father when I was 13, and only then it was because I was attending a funeral. Before that I had cut off visits with him when I was 11. No one knew why. I saw him again in June. On a whim, or maybe something more, I called him about a week before Father's Day. My husband and I were heading up his way and thought we'd stop in. He called on Father's Day. He wanted to see me. We went and spent a few uncomfortable hours. I will never see him again. I told DH that I had accomplished what I needed to. I saw him. He's old and half deaf and small. I know he can't hurt me now. I know he will never hurt my daughter. I never need or want to see him again.

Keep in touch if you feel the need to maintain some sort of connection. Call once every couple of weeks, make your way through a quick, "hi, how are you, I'm fine" conversation, then make an excuse and get off the phone.

If you don't feel the need for that connection, or if even that hurts too much, then just let it go. There is no law that says that you have to keep people that hurt you in your life, even if those people are your parents.

Answer 4

Listen man i got a lot of bad child hood memories to.The thing is to try to square yourself with them and don't let people get you down weather its there fault or not they are aways gonna say the same old ****"Take responsibility for your life" Unfortunately no matter what they did that's gonna be there line. So f**km man do for yourself make your life good and try and be kind to the others that are there for you now. What ever you do though keep it inside deal with it all yourself.your feel better and stronger as you go.

Answer 5

I know what you mean. I'm 27 with a family, and my mother lives with me as my parents split yonks ago. But it was never like this before. I use to love attention from my parents when they were available, and believe me my childhod wasn't peaches and cream either, I'd like to think I raised myself. But, now, I cant get on the computer without her popping her head over my shoulder, or tells me to clean up the house or look after my children properly or tell me the things that are wrong in my relationship with my husband. Sometimes I crave for the weekends she has sleep overs at her mates. But I just shrug my shoulders cause I know she'll realise one day the struggles I've coped with and see that when she was walking over me, that I didn't need it. I hope this helps.

Answer 6

It depends on how open they are to discussing your childhood, their parenting techniques, and whether they've learned anything since then or are still using conditional love and criticism against you to try to control you?

I've decided that I need to get away and stay away from my parents because they still won't admit they made mistakes, and refuse to learn new ways of treating people, especially me.

That's really the criteria for interaction with all people. If someone hurts you and you say, "You hurt me thusly." And they say, "I'm sorry" then you have a trusted friend or loved one. If they make excuses, lie, try to twist the blame onto you, then you have someone too steeped in denial and full of pent up anger to benefit your life in any way.

Answer 7

though im only 14, take my advice or not
dont let your memories or parents judge you at all
if your mom or dad and you dont have a good relationship try to make it better, possibly do the things the parent wants to do or try to get the parent to like the things you do.

if my advice helped you anyway, glad to help.

Answer 8

I understand your situation. I'm not close with my mom. My plan is to call her every once in a while (a few times a month) and see her on special holidays. I don't want to abandon her...afterall, she's my mom. But being around her all the time isn't the best for me.

Answer 9

Grow up. Live life and get past it. I doubt your parents are walking all over you at 31 yrs old. You are too focused on the past. You are all grown up now.

Answer 10

This is a hard one. You should find a middle ground. Don't look for approval or acceptance. And don't keep looking for respect. Be yourself and honest, you have to be yourself around them, otherwise you'll feel guilty later for pretending etc.