Need advice on my wedding?

Question

I just lost my mom about 2 months ago and I am still going through this mainly because she was my mom and we were close.What hurts me is that she isn't going to be there and she knew I was planning it.I can't do a memorial candle because I'm not strong enough but I wanted to put something at the end of the program such as in memory of my mom.Please tell me what you think?Give me your advice

Answer 1

I'm sorry to hear about your mother honey. It's a hard time to lose someone so close. I think it's a wonderful idea to put something in the program. I also think it would be great if you acknowledged something about her. Maybe say, "We dedicate this ceremony to _______, our dear mother and friend. We know you lived for this day and we are glad you could join us in our hearts". Close your eyes and think of what your mother would say honey....it'll come to you...and she'll help you with it...you just have to listen to your heart. I wish you well and congratulations on your marriage.

Answer 2

First off, congratulations! This is a happy time for you. I am sure that your mother would not want to be the cause of any grief or sadness surrounding your upcoming wedding. I know this is hard for you as a mother and daughter have a very special bond and I am sure she looked forward to planning this day with you for many years. But she is with you. You have not forgot her and she is still watching over you.

I agree with the other posters that you should do something like the empty chair memorial. I also agree that it would be a very thoughtful gesture to place your bouquet at her gravesite.

My wedding occured the anniversary of the death of a very special family member. There were seven people between our two families that we so wished they were still alive to share the day with us. We chose to decorate only seven windows in the church. We placed a white taper in a beautiful crystal holder and did a swag of wedding flowers around the base, draping down. The first page of our program (the left side when you open it) had a sentimental drawing and the phrase "Now is Blessed, the rest Remembered" and we put "The seven candles lighting the windows have been placed in honor of those we miss who can not be with us in person - we know your hearts are with us, for we feel your love today: (and here we listed them by the names we called them growing up). After the wedding, the swags were taken to the cemetary and placed there.

If you feel that the empty chair memorial or any of the other suggestions would cause you sadness, this could be a way to honor your mother (by only decorating one window) without it being right in your face.

Find the strength to be happy thru this, it is truly what she would have wanted. She raised you strong! Good luck!

Answer 3

Well Wondering C, I feel your pain. However, you are wrong about one thing. Your mother will be there because your mother still lives within you. She is all of the love, all the joy and all of the memories locked away in the treasure chest of your heart.

It is okay to mourn today
But dry your tears tomorrow
For if you don't you surely will
Drown yourself in your sorrows

If you live right you will come to see
That it only appears that you are apart
Look in the mirror and put on a smile
Because she is the joy instilled in your heart

So hold your high and lift up your voice
And make a joyful sound
Turn to the Lord with much rejoice
Because your mother his heavenbound

It was just put on my heart to compose a poem for you. I know you are in pain but what I discovered is that we are often much stronger then we give ourselves credit for. I will be praying for you and your family. Personally, I know you are strong enough to do a memorial candle. However, it doesn't really matter what I believe. You have to believe you can do it. My wife and I were married two months ago and we did a little dedication to our mother's in the beginning of the service. Should you not feel you are up to the memorial candle you can have someone read scripture, recite a poem, or have someone sing a song. I will really be praying for you. Congratulations on your wedding. Stay sweet and be strong. God loves you and I do to. This is the Cave man signing off. Peace and God bless.

Answer 4

I've seen some programs at weddings where they show pictures of the bride and groom. Usually it's a lighthearted affair.

Perhaps you could consult with a company that caters to doing weddings. You can then explain the situation and get their honest advice on what would be a tasteful selection.

Personally, I would suggest that you keep the passing of your mother to a minimum. While there's nothing wrong with acknowledging the influence she had on you and how much she meant to you, it's supposed to be your day.

You don't want your mood to be ruined on your joyous event because you're sad about your mom. It may be best if you have a friend or relative work with you on this project if you do hire a company that will do a slide show.

They can pick out tasteful photos from your album and you can also get an honest secondary opinion from the individual who is helping you compile something that has your mom in it.

It sounds to me that you're still nursing some grief over the loss of your mother who meant a lot to you, and this isn't a project you should be handling on your own due to the sensitive and emotional nature.

Preparing for a wedding is stressful enough as it is. Nursing heartache over the loss of a loved one isn't going to make things easier.

If you feel you must take a hand in overseeing what photos or what little event be set in place as a tribute, I suggest you get the help of one of your late mother's best friends or someone who knew her best to aid you with this.

Personally, I don't think you should put the tribute to your mother at the end. I think that you should put it at the beginning or get it out of the way as soon as possible.

If you put it at the end of the program, you run the risk of having everything end on a sad note because people will be mourning over the passing of your mother. This is supposed to be a wedding, not recap of your mother's funeral.

By putting the small tribute near the beginning, you acknowledge your mother, but it's followed by joyous festivities to lighten everyone's spirits. If you have everyone have fun and then you put that thing at the end, you have people feeling bad for you at the end.

If you feel it's necessary to mark your mother's presence and how important she is in your life, you should. However, I suggest you try to keep it tasteful, quick, and at the beginning so that people will focus on the celebration of life and happy unions vs. the sadness of departure and things coming to an end.

Answer 5

Hi there,

First, I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. I can't imagine how hard that must be.

For wedding ideas, I think one beautiful idea is having an "empty chair memorial" - here's a description from one site:

"Recently a local pastor and I used the empty chair memorial. The chair was reserved with ribbon, then we made a lovely activity inside the ceremony. The pastor had written a short memorial for the ceremony. In it he stated the family's belief that the mother, though departed from us, was present in spirit and love. He continued to say that the mother's love and memory would be forever alive in the heart of Angela. To punctuate this, Angela took a red rose down and set it on the empty seat, poetically acknowledging the loving presence of the mother's spirit. A short musical dedication was sung as the bride did this. The song reflected words of love and a belief in guardian angels. The song title was "True Love". Surely if parents are our guardian angels, this let her mother know her love was recognized both in this life and in its eternal form. Total time was only two minutes. After this, Angela and Jonathan began their vows."

The site also suggests putting a note in the program, if you prefer: "It can be as simple as placing a text of remembrance in the printed program. One such memorial might say: "In memory of my loving mother Melody Angela Darling (Born: April 7, 1947, Died: July 21, 2000) without whom I would not be the woman you see today. Thank you Mom for your love to me."

http://www.weddmag.com/index.cfm?nav=know&navid=1&articleid=2&detail=1

Another site has a small list:

"We have received several emails from brides and grooms asking us how they can honor their deceased loved one on their wedding day. Many etiquette experts say that it is not a good idea to mix the joy of a wedding with the grief of a death. Therefore, you should not include their names on the wedding invitation. However, there are other ways you can honor them in a discreet and sensitive way. Here are some suggestions:

* Say a special prayer (this can be done in private or said by everyone)
* Mention their name (briefly) in a speech at the reception
* Make a donation to their favorite charity
* Have your bouquet include the deceased's favorite flower
* Light a special candle
* Place a special bouquet of flowers at the altar
* Choose a special reading
* Sing a special song
* After the ceremony, go to the cemetery and place the bouquet on the grave
* Carry a framed photograph of a deceased loved one down the aisle"

http://www.riweddingguide.com/planning/Ceremony/ceremony.htm

This is really sweet and subtle, and won't make things too hard for you emotionally:

"Have your florist provide you with a special flower that can be easily slipped into your bouquet. After your arrival at the altar and before anything else happens, a previously designated relative brings your groom this special flower. He then slides it into the center of your bouquet, and the officiant says: On this day, we honor the memory of the bride's beloved mother by adding a specially chosen flower to the bride's bouquet. Sweet. Simple. Joyful. Pretty."

http://ceremonies.typepad.com/fresh_bride/2005/08/honoring_a_dece.html

While this may be too hard, it's another idea to do something personal just for you:

"Some brides opt to drive past the cemetery on the way from the ceremony to the reception to lay their bridal bouquet on the grave of a deceased parent."

http://www.tellallproductions.com/tip/t24.html

Anyway, I hope these help a little, and best of luck & congratulations on your wedding!

Answer 6

don't make the wedding in memory of your beloved Mother, but it is sincerely a great thing to do, though perhaps not at the ceremony, but at the reception.

If you are still wanting to do something at the ceremony, perhaps you could carry a single red rose with you on your trip down the aisle and lay it in a seat prearranged to be empty on the first row. No one needs to be told what your plans are, except your close family.

I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother. May your wedding day be blessed with fond memories.

Answer 7

I am sorry to hear about your loss. A nice flower arrangement by the guest book with a framed picture would be nice. I think saying something in the program would be great. Find a nice poem, or write one, and dedicate it to her.

Some brides hold an empty seat with a single flower on it at the ceremony for their deceased parent. That may be to hard to face, but is a nice touch as well.


www.brides2wives.com

Answer 8

I am so sorry to hear about your mom, I think that is a wonderful idea. I lost mt father last October, and I was planning my wedding also. What I have decided to do is play two songs in memory of him and also when come back from my honeymoon I am going to place my bouquet on his grave. I hope this helps you and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Answer 9

I am very sorry to hear about your mom. *hug* I think the program at the end would be very touching. I lost my mother as a child and I know what you mean by you couldn't handle it. It's been 17 years since I lost my mother and I still couldn't do that to this day. Good luck hun. And congradulations on your wedding too!

Answer 10

sorry to hear that, i cant imagine the hurt you are feeling. cant really enjoy the planning because this is what all us girls live for especially to do it withnour moms. but dont ever apologize for grieving, you will do this the rest of your life especially if you were close. what i did for my wedding is that for my grandfather i had my grandmother walk in with his picture during the family processional and sit it on an easel. on the program, i put that this ceremony was dedicated to the loving memory of ***. also make a section for her. i did a poem for my son my parents and the wed party. but i suggest that you do this because i thought i would cry to because he was like a daddy but i felt good because i wanted him to know it meant more for him to be there in some way. this is your mom so please dont leave her out, i think youm will regret it later. god bless you sweetie!!!