What do you do to get the Christian proselytizers off your doorstep?

Question

A) Tell them you're already saved.
B) Tell them you're not interested.
C) Tell them to **** off.
D) Eye them up and down while licking your licks and making forward sexual advances.
E) Go to the door naked while masturbating, and open the door right before you're about to blow your load.
F) Go out the backdoor, sneak around the house, and take one of them down in a sleeperhold while silmutaneously drop-kicking the other one into the pavement.
G) MUTHA ****ING SNAKES ON A MUTHA ****ING PLANE!

Okay, one of you told me that I like to sleep in on Saturdays? WTF? I wake up at 5 A.M every morning to go jogging. You STFU.

Answer 1

Usually I just show them my third boob...

Answer 2

Just don't answer the door. It's bad enough that they think they can invade someone's privacy, but it's even worse to give them the chance to open their mouths listen to all that crap that they spew.

I once had 2 women come up to me as I was entering the house and when I told them I wasn't interested, they asked if I would kindly make a donation to their church. When I told them no, you should have heard the mouths on them. This kind women turned into vile, nasty b*tches -- showing their true colour and how they really ONLY want your $$$ to begin with.

So, don't open the door -- although your suggestion about mastubating could be fun! They would act appalled, but really they would be getting a thrill out of it.

Answer 3

You did say "Christian". Based upon that, they should only be there because they care. Rather or not that is the reason you want them off your doorstep is your business. What if they saw flames of fire or smoke coming from another part of the house and stopped by to warn you? Would you still come up with reasons to get rid of them. Maybe they not only believe in hell but are actually caring enough about others to warn them.

Answer 4

For the most part, I point to the sign I have on my door that shows 2 stick figures with bibles or tracts and the big slash mark (meaning "no') . Basically it means, "no proselytizing". If that doesn't work, I politely ask them to leave or I'll call the police because they are trespassing.

Answer 5

noooooooo
you are missing the whole point, they are a fun activity
invite them in
get a knife and a sharpening stone sharpen the knife in front of them, tell them how you are sure that your parole officer will not be concerned that you have some one in your house despite your parole conditions
caress the knife lick the knife tell them how it arouses you sexually
ask them if they think prison sex has a bad reputation
ask them if they have children , if they do can you come to their place, and how you like children despite them telling the police and you going to jail
giggling at nothing and talking to non existent people helps too
one performance for each group is normally enough
though the Mormons took two
though when i did deadlock the door for the Mormons second visit the turn white, i didn't have to say anything except would you like to leave

Answer 6

I somewhat agree with the answer to let them in.

If you're in strong opposition (remember they've been trained to have good responses to ridiculous questions) present your position constructively. You're on an even playing field they are attempting to convince you of something. If your opinion is different present a good argument for you opinion and back it up. If they attempt to persuade you, persuade them mores so.

Answer 7

I did put pentacle on my door once when I lived in Las Vegas. It only kept the F*cking Mormons away, they'd walk on the other side of the road. It also scared the hell out my Sanitarian Landlords. But I do c - g.

Answer 8

A. Don't open the door
B. Tell them you worship the devil
C. open the door naked and refuse to cover up -works best if they are the same sex as you
D. Boil some water, open the door and throw it on them

Answer 9

We call it soul winning- winning souls to Christ.
I have to admit, while the multiple choices are amusing, and creative, they shouldn't work. I truly have a burden for people who are going to Hell. I would like to think I could still witness to you in any of those circumstances. Probably not though. The answer I would like to hear would be A. But I would ask you how you knew for sure you were saved. AND- if you aren't saved- well, when I can hear you screaming from Hell, I will say I wish you would have listened to me, you will wish you would have too. We aren't bad people, we know you like to sleep in on Saturdays, our timing might be bad, but you could drop dead at any time and we need to tell you about Jesus. Please be polite, we aren't trying to make you mad.

Answer 10

Upside down crucifix on the door, pentagram on porch floor, goat head hanging from roof, stereo playing satanic chants, ...

Oh, I was just laying out my new entrance-way decor plans.

Um, ask them if they'd like to join you in a little sacrificial ceremony (works better if you're holding your cat, dog or better yet a small goat.)


Disclaimer: No thumpers were harmed in the posting of this response.

Answer 11

Tell ," Look, I respect your beliefs but how would you like it if someone tried to convert you to their religion? You won't be able to force me to believe in anything. It is the a personal choice not someone elses, Bye have a nice day." If not then G, belive me they wouldn't come back, just make sure you have a camera to see the looks on their faces.