How do you know if your mother really cares about you?

Question

I grew up with my mom my whole life and we'll she wasn't exactly there much for me, but my dad wasn't either. i took on alot of responsibility growing up and now, i currently faced many obstacles in my mom and I's relationship and i moved in with my dad who has been in y life for maybe the last 3 years. my mom and dad are both heavy drinkers. Every one tells me that my mom dosen't care about me or miss me at all and i can't find it in me to believe it. ya she says she loves me but it doesn't even sound like she means it half the time. i've been living with my dad for almost 3 months now and she hasn't asked me to come back home. on my birthday which was the 27th of june she didn't call me until 11:30 that night and she told me she was busy all day and didn't have time. Why can't my mom show me that she cares, that is if she really does? i do miss her, i miss her alot and i wish she would remind me once in a while that she actually cares about me and doesn't care if im gay or not.

Answer 1

Therapy. I know it sounds drastic, but I don't think this is a situation in which just "talking to her" as people might say would solve anything. Get a shrink and do everything you can to get her to go with you. An objective third party here is crucial. Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

I think it is most natural for parents to love their children unconditionally. However, you mentioned that your parents are heavy drinkers. My father was an alcoholic and unresponsible during my childhood as well. I don't know if it's the alcoholism or the personality that makes someone become an alcoholic that makes them this way--it's hard to separate it. Unfortunately I can't answer your question so maybe I shouldn't have made this lame attempt. I don't know how to tell if someone cares. But I just wanted to reach out to you because I could tell you were in pain. I am a mother and I love my children so much. My gut feeling is that your mother loves you and is just too consumed with her condition of being a heavy drinker to respond to you the way a mother should. Because being a mother I can't imagine not loving the people that grew inside my body and are the product of your genes etc. etc. so much it hurts. I would love my children no matter what kind of news they gave me -- gay, anything. I might be hurt and not like it, but the love would still be there unconditionally--NO MATTER WHAT!

Answer 3

Your mother has made a poor decision to drink (heavily) and this effects her ability to have strong relationships with anyone. I am sure she loves you, but the fact is that she has made choices that have hurt you and your father. You need to realize you cannot count on her and that she is the loser for the loss of the relationship - not you.

Consider how strong the addiction that your mother chooses to do harm to herself and everything she loves. It is a sad path - but only she can save herself. You should feel no blame or cause. Hopefully she can hit bottom so she will grab herself off the ground and make a decision to sober up and go after what is more important. This may take months, years or may never happen. It is all up to her to take the steps to recover.

I feel bad for you as your self respect is being effected by the drinking. You are a good person with the ability to stand up for yourself and become everything you want. Do not let this hold you down. From the little I can see on the note you are pretty mature and I am proud of you for your open and honest approach about this situation.

I will say a little prayer for you tonight. Everynight you can too. End of the day you can make it by not considering the life experieince as a gain to your ability to be better, stronger and more in control. Do not fall to the "poor" me syndrome as it could lead to "well I may as well realize I am an alchololic too" and then you repeat the bad behaviors....

Best luck.

Answer 4

It sounds like you are having a rough time right now and I wish I could really help you not just give you words of encouragement. But let me tell you that a relationship with your mom is not always easy. My mom has not been very nice to me since I was about 12 and thinks everything I do is wrong so, you know what I did. I had to basically say, Look, I don't need this and I know I am a good person without you. It's not easy and it does hurt but after a while you realize that somethings you just can't fix on your own. If you need someone to talk to I am here sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger because they are not in the midst of things.

Answer 5

Aw honey, I know exactly how you feel cause my mom is the same way- drinker and all. Your mom loves you so much but she can't show it- her own problems have gotten so much out of control that she probably feels that you're better off without her. She may never be the kind of mom you want- I'm almost 30 and I'm married with kids, and my mom still isn't there for me, but trust me hon, she definately loves you. You need to just be happy with yourself and don't worry about anyone else's approval. Accept her for who she is, faults and all, take what you can get, but be happy with how your life is anyways. Good luck!

Answer 6

i'm sorry that you even have to ask the question.

i know exactly what you are going through and i grew up with a mom who truly doesn't care about her children (she also drank a lot). she is only interested in our accomplishments which she claims and brags about but she has not called me or my children in 5 months.

i don't want to give the laundry list of atrocities that my mother has committed but i do know the frustration of missing the love of the one person who is supposed to love unconditionally. it hurts, but only from time to time. often i just shrug it off and realize that my mom just isn't that great of a person but it doesn't mean that i can't be a good person or successful.

i hope you find satisfaction in your decisions but i can guarantee you will only be disappointed if your happiness depends upon the blessings of other people.

I believe these issues would stand regardless of sexual orientation. you would likely have similar problems with your mom.

i wish you the best.

ps. i found deborah tannens book you are wearing that? conversations between mothers and daughters to be very informative.

Answer 7

My heart goes out to you.Your mom does care but when her first priority is drugs or alcohol thats what comes first.It is not fair that you have had to raise yourself,but never forget that you now have the key to your own future and it is the choices WE MAKE that determines where we will end up.I wish we had more mentors in our communities that would just love our young people for who they are.Please find a older person that you can talk to.

Answer 8

i believe they love you its just alcohol changes people the arent really their self when the are drinking its an addiction
when i was little my dad drank a lot and he would curse momma
and thorw chairs but he got saved and delievered fron alcohol
and i can honestly say i couldnt have a better dad
he is so loving and tenderhearted he would do anything for anyone i will pray that your parents are delievered fron this addiction so they can show you the love for you thats in their hearts and you can have a real family
and please dont ever think it has anything to do with you
lots of times kids are the ones that bring their parents to God
you are in my prayers dont give up hope!

Answer 9

Somewhere beyond the alcoholism is a woman who loves you. That said, Sweetie, stop stressing over this. What is important is that you love yourself. You can never control how other people feel about you. And never put your life on hold for someone who cannot show you the love and affection that you deserve.

Answer 10

You can bet she loves you dearly, some parents find it hard to show emotion to their kids, especially when they have a drinking problem, I would advise you to go to an AA meeting for non alcoholics and you'll understand it a little better.