I was just afraid maybe it would be too hard on her, but she wants to go. Any advice?? Her half sister was 4.
2006-08-19 13:54:25 · 26 answers · asked by blondie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Funerals are a time for families to come together. I honestly think it should be about celebrating the person's life more than mourning the person's death, but that's just me. You can't shelter her from grief forever. Let her learn how to cope with it. The fact that she wants to go shows a sign of maturity.
2006-08-19 14:01:14 · answer #1 · answered by SomeoneUdunno 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It will be hard on her.
But if you don't allow her to do what she feels is right, she'll think about it the rest of her life. She'll feel like she let her little sister down by not being there. Kids tend to put the blame on themselves about things they have no control over. You may feel you're protecting her, but in the long run, you'll just be adding more guilt to the guilt she's probably already given to herself. It doesn't make sense, but how much time has a 9 year old had, to learn how to make sense out of things? I still remember things I blamed myself for when I was a kid. And even though I know better now, I still feel the bad feelings I had then, and the guilt.
If I were in your situation, I would sit down with her and ask her several things. I would ask first...why do you want to go?.....Do you understand what goes on at funerals?...and Do you think we'd be mad at you if you don't go? If she can answer those questions and seems to understand the explanations you give too, then I would say she's more ready than you're giving her credit for.
2006-08-19 21:37:04 · answer #2 · answered by armdsone 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely. She deserves to say goodbye to her half-sister whom I am assuming she loved dearly. I was 9 when I went to my first funeral (my beloved great-aunt Wilhelmina). I will admit it wasn't the best thing to see. Her corpse looked nothing like she did in life and it hurt seeing someone who was so beautiful and happy look so lost and lifeless...but it taught me a lot about real life situations. I learned that people won't always be visibly there but can watch over in heaven. Hearing the priest speak while watching the burial was the most beautiful tragic ever. It made me cry knowing the casket was closed, I'd never see my Aunt, but the experience was one, as you can see, that I'll never forget. It molded me into a more understanding girl at such a young age. I had bad-dreams, seeing her face in my dreams, for about a week... but then everything went back to normal. It may be hard for your daughter but in the end it's worth it. It gives her a chance for a final farewell as well as putting her in a position to learn so much from one loss.
2006-08-19 21:14:44 · answer #3 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has voiced her desire and this is one of those times in life she will remember...and remember if you let her go or not.
It is a final ceremony of life, a young life, we are talking about here. Think about it. When she gets older do you want her to remind you that you " wouldn't let me go to my sister's funeral?." Do you want that? I am sure her father would be pleased if she she showed up. Don't be selfish....it would not hurt if you took her yourself. We are talking about the death of a four year old here.
Life doesn't get much sadder than that. Have some respect and show some compassion for humanity.
2006-08-19 21:10:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We took my 5yo son to his grandfather's funeral. We explained everything that had happened, why grandpa looked like he did in the casket, what death is and where we go when we die (nowhere--we do not believe in heaven).
Be honest... answer her questions. If you can't, ask an educator or a religious leader to help you. She will only be afraid if you aren't honest.
We let my son write a letter to grandpa, make a drawing and we helped him put it in the casket. That might help with her grieving process as well.
I send you strength for this difficult time.
2006-08-19 21:02:56 · answer #5 · answered by Rogue Scrapbooker 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should take her, she is grieving for her sister just like everyone else. She needs to be able to do what she would like so that she can grieve. My nephew died and he was only 18 months and my children, ages 11, 8,6 wanted to go to his funeral and so I took them. I think it helped them grieve more and understand more of what was going on, I also took them to the mortuary before the funeral so that they could see their cousin and tell him by before the day of the funeral.
2006-08-19 21:31:17 · answer #6 · answered by Marie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think 9 years old is old enough to attend a funeral. She's going to experience death sooner or later and as long as you are ready to be honest with her if she asks you any questions, she'll be fine. Just don't be afraid to give her honest answers.
2006-08-19 21:01:02 · answer #7 · answered by CarolP 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think she should go. She needs to be able to grieve and say goodbye. That is what funerals are for. Not letting her go, especially when she wants to would be depriving her of something she will never be able to have back. Let her have one last goodbye. It will be hard for her, but it is necessary.
2006-08-19 21:12:25 · answer #8 · answered by Ann 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she wants to go, she can go. It probably will be hard on her, but it's worse if she wants to and you forbid her. Alot of people need to see the funeral for a sense of closure.
2006-08-19 21:00:26 · answer #9 · answered by Kanga_tush2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats a good thing for her wanting to go. it shows that she respects people. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm pretty sure that your daughter is pretty curious too about what happens when people die. make sure that shes ok when she leaves to go to the funeral
2006-08-19 21:00:58 · answer #10 · answered by ♥ღαмαиdα♥ღ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋