Is it normal to start taking too seriously your partner's "Defects" before getting married?

Question

I'm getting married in 3 weeks and now I seem to feel disgusted by some of my fiances "defects" (you know, loud chewer, loud breather, selfishness...etc) Is it normal?? Is my subconciousness trying to tell me something? Am I just getting paranoid about marriage? :-(

And of course I know I'm not perfect, but I do make an effort in pleasing my fiance :-)

Answer 1

You aren't perfect, yes.

However, if this is bothering you now then you are in for a treat. It's not going to go away with marriage. Marriage isn't a quick fix. He isn't going to chew softer or be less selfish.

If it really bothers you, talk to him about it. Be prepared for his defenses to be up, and be prepared for him to tell you what YOUR faults are!

The truth of the matter is that he's not going to change. You'll either have to live with it, ignore it, or leave it.

Answer 2

The rose colored glasses have come off and your fiance is exposing the 'real self' . Ask yourself if you can live with these 'defects' without expecting some changes?. To have a happy relationship you need to be able to accept eachother just as you are with all 'defects' If you can't love with all the faults, don't get married. Better to call it off now than to divorce later because you drive eachother crazy! I do feel your subconcious is alerting you something that you already know the answer to. Remember this person will be modeling this behavour to your children!
I am surprised that you have only just become irritated by these behavours. If your fiance has hidden these irritating practices until now, what other ones will surface after marriage, the one that is of great concern is selfishness! Be warned theere may be abusiveness to follow. Before you marry, book in for some premarital counseling and BE HONEST! Marriage is for life, not until you grow tired of eachother.

Answer 3

WOW OK first CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!! OK now lets talk? Its really quite normal for you to notice these so called "defects" but you have to remember HE'S had them ALL along and you still fell in love, its just that now your getting ready to enter into a life long commitment and your getting quite nervous and jittery. I definitely agree these things AREN'T going to go away, but I also doubt that he JUST started showing these signs. Ask yourself this "did you really love him when you said Yes to marriage" If you can answer that YES then I would say Go For It!!! If on the other hand you said yes for some other reason, then maybe marriage isn't right for you, BUT be prepared to lose him for good because A LOT of men will take calling off his marriage as a slap in the face. I haven't seen not one person on here ask you this so let me, "If you think you are finding defaults in your fiancee, Imagine the ones he's finding in you right now? Men aren't normally the ones who get all excited over the marriage thing so he may not be actually as selfish but more like going through the same thing you are right now, just something to think on. Whatever you choose Good Luck!!!!

Answer 4

Totally normal. You are taking a big step and it's actually pretty good that you are figuring out that your husband to be is actually human and not a prince on a white horse. Whether you decide that these issues are something you can live with is the question. I've been with my husband for seven years and I still get irritated by the fact that he puts salt on everything before he tastes it, doesn't mean I don't love him though.

Answer 5

If you have to ask people on Yahoo Answers....then you have bigger problems than your fiance's defects. First of all, this isn't the place to get advice for a major life decision. Just look at the folks who answer questions here. Some of them are so scary that I would be afraid to take their advice on where to have dinner. Not all of you out there, but many of you!

Talk to your fiance about this! PRONTO

Answer 6

It is completely normal for these flaws/imperfections to begin bugging you. Most women who are close to getting married are so nervous they begin to find something wrong with their husband to end up stopping the marriage. This happens with women all over. Don't let your nerves get the best of you... these things will fade away if you just let them. I'm pretty sure your husband loves you and is trying his best to please you as well. You are definitely becoming paranoid about marriage but don't sweat it, it happens to the best of us.

Answer 7

the tension from planning and anticipating a wedding can cause you to be overly sensitive and irritable. but it wouldn't hurt to think about how much these little things bother you because they will NOT go away...they only get more obvious with time. you need a lot of love for a person to learn to overlook those sort of things. good luck

Answer 8

It's completely normal. It's just cold feet, that's all. The little things are going to grate on you, and they'll grate for a little while after the wedding too, probably. But they fad, and you grow to love him defects and all.

Answer 9

You might just be stressed over the wedding. It's getting down to the wire and everything is making you edgy. Think of the few days before your period- everything gets on my nerves!! Good luck

Answer 10

You might be paranoid about the big day. But you should love your fiance in spite of these little things that he does. No one is perfect and there will always be some little thing that annoys you, but if you love the person, you can love them in spite of their little pet peeves.