What is the difference between raising two and three kids? My wife is pushing for a third child, and I resist?

Question

I really feel that having third child is way too much, but my wife thinks it's not much different from having two kids. Can someone with three kids please share their thoughts on how different is it to raise three children instead of two?

Answer 1

When you go from two to three kids, you are outnumbered. You can't each take a kid, someone has to have two. If you are alone with the kids, you run out of hands.

With three kids, sibling rivalry is no longer one-on-one. Two can gang up on one. Alliances shift. The kids fight most with the ones closest in age to them, so the one in the middle may have to fight on two fronts. Some of these dynamics are affected by the sex and ages of the children.

In terms of difficulty level, the hardest step is behind you. It is much more of a big deal to become a parent for the first time than it is to add another kid to the mix. It's incrementally more difficult, but you can't say that two are twice as hard as one or three are three times as hard as one, because it isn't true. The kids enjoy each other's company, which takes some of the pressure off you to be the source of entertainment. They become their own playgroup, which attracts other children to the mix. Ironically, the house that has a lot of children may become the house where all the neighborhood kids want to hang. After a certain point, you figure what's another kid or two? We got up to four of our own, but we have been known to take some of the neighbor kids on vacation with us from time to time.

You have to consider the economics, of course. It costs a certain amount to raise a kid. And with more kids, you need a bigger house. But I figure it also increases our odds of having at least one kid who will help support us in our old age! I originally thought we'd stop at three, but my oldest, a girl, really wanted a sister, so after the two boys, we tried once more and fortunately had another girl to balance things out. Although there have been (and continue to be) moments where I've felt overwhelmed, especially as we've been going through the teenage years, I can't imagine life without all my kids. I'm really glad I had all of them and my life would be much poorer without them.

Answer 2

I'm sorry I can't help you from personal experience because I don't have three children, but I always tell people that I think the difference between two and three is A LOT. This is because whenever I am at restaurants or shopping, I completely notice how much more stressed parents are with three kids as opposed to two. The kids always seem rowdier and it just looks so overwhelming to me. This is certainly not ALWAYS the case, but it is more often that not! Start observing people in public places with three children, and ask your wife to do so along with you. I really think you will see what I'm talking about.

This disagreement on having more children happens often in marriages, and its definitely going to take some time for you two to figure this out. I suggest temporary therapy one hour a week or every other week...it really helps to have a neutural mediator when you are discussing life-changing issues such as these, and I think you will find that it will be helpful for the two of you in coming to some sort of agreement, and understanding each other's point of view.

Best of luck to you and your family.

Answer 3

I'm helping raise my nephews 3 kids and in some ways its easier than two, and in others . . . whew!

The main reason is you will have TWO of one gender and they WILL take care of each other once the youngest gets past the walking, talking stage. Its a friendship bond that will last a lifetime and they have so much fun together, they also have issues of jealousy, but that's normal. The 3rd Child, if a boy is the protector, if 2 are boys, even better, because she will then have an older and younger brother to go through school looking out for her.

However, yes, 3 children ARE more work than 2. Simple math will tell you that. But, I can honestly tell you, raising 2 girls and a boy is simply GREAT! I can't imagine 1 going missing ever, they are all so unique! And even though they take after their parents in being headstrong and not wanting to listen, their more fun than you can imagine.

But it is all up to you. What do you want? What can you afford and what can your marriage take? Think on it for a while before deciding anything serious like this. For me there was no thought involved, I simply "inherited them" for their own good, but I didn't have children because I (thought) I didn't want any. So . . .

Answer 4

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There was 18 months between my first and second and 25 months between my second and third. It's strange, but 2 did seem like a lot more work than 1, but 3 did not at all seem like any more work than 2. Maybe I just got better at managing my time? I say go for it. A little extra work is well worth the rewards. As I said, I had 3, now grown at 21, 19, and 17; I really wish I had more- a half dozen? My husband came from a family of 9 kids and 14 kids in my dad's family. Or maybe I'm just going through empty nest or it's one of those cases of you always want what you can't have, LOL!

Answer 5

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RE:
What is the difference between raising two and three kids? My wife is pushing for a third child, and I resist?
I really feel that having third child is way too much, but my wife thinks it's not much different from having two kids. Can someone with three kids please share their thoughts on how different is it to raise three children instead of two?

Answer 6

I must warn you that having three really is much different than having two! I have four myself, and I thought the same before the third was born! Even going somewhere is a chore. On the other hand, I must say that we enjoy our large family so much that we have never regretted it. There are some differences between kids from larger families, and those from smaller ones that I see consistently across the board. Children with more than one sibling tend to share more, are easier to get along with, and generally are more laid back. My theory is that this is learned behavior as a result of having to wait to have their needs met, and I also noticed everyone seems to help out the others. We get compliments on our childrens' behavior every time we go in public. Having a larger family is nothing to be afraid of. There are definitely rewards. You will find that you need to adjust your parenting some, and be realistic about what you are able to do. The days of rocking all your children to sleep may be gone, but you may develop new routines, like a pile-on in Mom and Dad's bed for a story for everyone! Or instead of buying the latest clothes at the department store, you pick them up at a Once-Upon-A-Child or other second hand store. Good luck, whatever you decide, and God Bless!

Answer 7

I have 5 and I'm still alive. To have three is really no different than two. My oldest son loved taking care of the littler ones. He's 10 now, the other 2 are 8 and 6. My last 2 are 5 and 5 months. Once you get the hang of the first two, three is just another number.

Answer 8

Raising 3 Kids

Answer 9

I have three kids a boy 6 and two girls 4 and 1. I think dealing with the first two being so close in age was harder then adding in the third one. We are having a great time with her. The other two kids love her and they are a lot of help. As well as other friends and family offer a lot of help. I do not really see a difference.
However if you do not want to have the third don't you may resent it later and that resentment may transfer to the baby.

Answer 10

I had three children and never thought about stopping until the last one and even waited two more years before tying my tubes to be sure my husband was done. I think that you are thinking too logically about this, children are unique each in their own way and if your wife is not ready to stop, please don't try to discourage her. Keep in mind that you can plan to wait another year or so and then re-think the matter, there can never be something so wonderful as the pitty-pat of tiny people and helping them to develop into wonderful big people, you never know what they will grow up to be. As for me, looking back I would have had more after my kids got past the 8 year stage, but by then it was too late. I enjoyed them and and admire them now. I try to see the grandkids as often as I can. Slow down and have fun you might change your mind in the future.