Is it healthy on a child emotionally to do this?

Question

My X and I have split up. We were together for 4 years. Our daughter is 2. She had both parents for 2 years and didnt have to worry about not seeing one or the other and stuff. Is it healthy on her mental growth for her to go to my house for a week and then to her dads for a week. We live 3 hours away from each other. I was told by 2 different people who study phsycology that its not good on her since this is not what is she knows. They said that its best for her to see each of us several times mixed through the week and not every other week. How right is this? Can someone touch up on this topic for me? Thank you!

I know that it mostly affects them at this age while they are so young since they dont understand much. So this is what I'm worried about. I love her dad very much but he doesnt want to be with me. He has left 5 other times before when we fight instead of working it out. But the split doesnt last very long. At this point, I dont think i would want him back b/c of how he keeps doing this.

They wernt students. One was already graduated and the other was an actual shrink.

Answer 1

My step-daughter was 2 when her parents divorced. I met her dad when she was 12. She is a great kid who grew up just fine. I will admit that she has never married (she is now 29). I think that is because her mother never remarried and she has some issues with her father not being there for her before I came along.

Answer 2

My ex and I split after 11 years so both of our boys were use to having both parents there all the time. Now we live in separate houses and no it does not bother them at all. They enjoy both of us just the same as before you know why. 1) because my ex and I get along as good friends so they (boys) see no fighting between us. 2) we show them that no matter what the family situation is they still have 2 parents that love them and care for them. Children are resilient and handle things better then the parents can. You are worried about it affecting the child don't be. Continue to love you baby the same way as when the father was there and if you and your ex can take sometime to show the child that mommy and daddy are friends. The best way for a child to understand is by the parents showing them you can live with us both and still be a healthy child mentally, emotionally, and physically without having mommy and daddy in the same house. Remember no one can tell you how to be a parent to your own child.

Answer 3

Switching back and forth more than once a week when you live three hours apart is not very realistic. A child needs to know she is cherished, but driving back and forth all the time is not going to help matters any that I can see. She will just have to get used to the fact that, because you live so far apart, it is not practical to do all that traveling. Not all of life can be set up to the standards of the "experts" who tell you what is best for a child. There are no more qualified experts than the parents of the child, and the grandparents if they live nearby. Experts can talk all they want about the "best" for the child, but you have to deal with the real world, not their theoretical ideal world.

You will have to develop a better system once she is in school, no doubt. Better start thinking about it and talking about it now, so you can plan accordingly. I doubt whether the two school districts involved would accept the idea of a student who is only there on alternate weeks.

Answer 4

I think it would be emotionally traumatizing for your daughter to have seen you and your ex's relationship continue. I think it's good that you got away from it.
Children are very resilient, they can bounce back and also cope with emotions. I think the every week thing is a bit too much, every other weekend sounds better. Probably to you as well, I know I wouldn't want my child gone for an entire week.
What other people think is not the issue here. You should watch your daughters actions. If she is crying a lot, becoming more attached to your, or your ex, and lack of appetite. These are the warning signs. If there aren't any, then I would say the arrangement is working fine for her. Your daughter's well being is the most important.

Answer 5

My ex and I were together for 4 yrs. My daughter is turning 4 this Nov. I would constantly worry about the same thing. The thing is though your 2 yr. old won't come to you and let you know this just yet anyway. You can't feel guilty for leaving a man because your child doesn't want to. In the future you will see that all your child wants is for her parents to be happy. If a child lives in a home with constant fighting that is not healthy. She will never hate you for leaving. It will be hard to adjust to the new beginnings that will come in life, as long as you are both there for her when the time comes that is all that is important. I know it is scary to go through this, but things will start to look up soon. As time goes on reassure your child you will always be there when she has questions and never lie to her.

Answer 6

Break ups are hard on children no matter how you arrange the visits. At age 2 children need routine and structure. But unfortunately at this time and age it is way too common for children to have two homes. Whatever you do about the visitations keep it on a schedule and you daughter will adapt. I do suggest not going back with the ex. By you two playing the split up and getting back together game you are not doing you child any favors.

Answer 7

In my opinion 2 is a very impressionable age and of course mum and dad splitting up will affect her. I guess you know the affect. You said that you and your partner/husband live 3 hours apart (so you would not be able to meet several times a week). The usual arrangement is living with the mother nearly full time with visits to the father on alternate weekends. A child of 2 needs mum because of the continuity that makes her feel secure. If she were to go to your X for a full week that would be so much more confusing for her because she has 2 worlds/lifestyles around her to process. From experience men do not understand a child's emotional needs so well. - not that fathers are ignorant but have different giftings and roles. Look at his lifestyle also - he may have people around him who lack understanding for your child. I will pray for wisdom for you "Mergirl85". God bless, Marcelle.

Answer 8

There is nothing wrong with what you're doing. The arrangement will change when your daughter starts school, she won't be able to be with the other parent as often, but then you can go to weekend and holiday visitation.
The fact that he is playing an active part in the family is what is going to make this easier for your daughter.
Don't listen to what others say, you're the one in the situation, not them. It's good that you and the father both have your childs best interest at heart and are both striving to make the separation as painless for her as possible.
If there is going to be any problems for your daughter, she'll tell you. Kids usually tell it like it is. I have a very open relationship with both my kids. I've raised them on my own since my son was 2 and my daughter wasn't quite a year old. They are now 13 and my son is almost 15 and they will talk to me about anything that bothers them.
I've always instilled in them from the time they were little to always come and talk to me and they have always done that.
Do that with your daughter and you shouldn't have many problems.

Answer 9

No one knows your kid like you and your husband. If you both truly want the best for the child then you will notice if she/he starts having behavior issues or has a set back to my childish behavior, then as a couple find a councilor you agree on and go as a 3 people family to see what if anything you can do. If you act alone then you will be making the family weaker and that is not good for the child. My x and I differ in every way except we raise our sons together and do what is the best for the child and that means lots of self sacrifice. sorry, no quick fixes will help.

Answer 10

What is best for her is to have two parents who love her and have enough respect for one another to not badmouth one another. I am a licensed social worker and see this a lot. I am guessing that it would be extremely difficult on your schedules to let her see each other several times a week because you live so far apart. You can only do what you can do. The most important part is to put her first and put your troubles aside. If possible, try to do something with her together every once in a while to let her see that she has two parents who can get along even if they aren't together.

Answer 11

well i think that it may be a little complicated for her since she is only 2 so i would see her mostly together as one and when you need some free time you should let her dad see her and baby sit her. and the same for you.also do things together as a family and don't make her feel that she has only 1 parent.i think you both should also help here get though bad times and also make sure that when she has a problem that you help her both has parents on it and say things like good work and try your best on this... so that she is and she feels that she is geting support from both of her parents and also think about when she gets older keep some of these tips in mind.