my husband is not currently deployed but as many of you other wives know there is always that chance. how do your kids handel it? how does it change the dynamics in your parenting?
2006-08-19 08:35:11 · 13 answers · asked by spunkee2004 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
Mine was on submarines, gone for 6 month deployments, not being able to tell me where he was, short emails maybe once every couple months, no phone calls, no photos. I hated it, I guess I just learned to be independent. I set up a good schedule for everyday that keeps the kids well behaved they always know what to expect, a good routine reduces stress for everyone in the house, but as I'm sure you know the days are sooooo long, and boring. People assume we have it easy bc a lot of us stay home, but the truth is If I was given the choice back then I would've went out to work in a minute, but trying to work around a military schedule is impossible.
2006-08-19 08:47:52 · answer #1 · answered by VL 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a 6 year old and a 10 month old. This is the second deployment for my 6 year old and he is very well adjusted to it. They take their cues from you. If you are upset and crying all the time so will they. If you hold it together and stay strong it won't phase them as much. My 10 month old has only seen her dad for about 1 month of her life but she knows his picture and calls him dad when she sees him on the webcam. I highly suggest you get one. We send home videos back and forth to keep my husband involved with what the kids are doing and us involved in what he is doing. The most important thing you have to do is keep the same rules while your husband is gone. If you start bending them even a little your kids will start pushing you more and get you to give in. Don't threaten them with telling their dad if they are bad because that will make him the bad guy and you don't want that right now. I suggest you find other wives in your area who's husbands are deploying and maybe you guys can set up a plan to all help each other out. Good luck to you
2006-08-19 21:35:02 · answer #2 · answered by SSG wife 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well each time he leaves (he goes on a lot of TDY's) we adjust a lot faster. We get into our "groove" a lot sooner. The first time my husband deployed my youngest who wasn't quite 1 yet, screamed from the moment she woke up till the time she went to bed. No joke, no exaggeration, she seriously did this for a week. I took her to the doctor b/c I figured well if she was doing it this long maybe she’s hurt. Anyway though I think that one was the toughest. It was out first deployment, and I really didn't know what I was doing nor did I know any people to talk to.
Right now we are on our second deployment. This time has been easier. Since they are a little older they can actually tell me what’s bothering them, but it’s still challenging. My youngest whines/moans a lot and sometimes refuses to talk. My oldest picks on her little sister, but I think it has a lot to do with being her age.
My kids are 4 and 2 (she'll be 3 next month) and since they have no concept of time I have ripped the pages off a desk top calendar, hung them on my wall, and everyday we mark off a day so they get a bit of a visual as to when daddy is coming home.
As far as the dynamics in my parenting goes, I am more of the disciplining parent and the playful parent. I try to make up for his absence. Since you husband isn't gone yet, make sure you are the main disciplining parent that way when he leaves you kid(s) don't walk all over you.
2006-08-20 02:05:47 · answer #3 · answered by Kristin C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Answering this as a guy who was deployed frequently...........
You both have to let the kids know that Dad cares about the very much and will be back as soon as he can.
Do something special, trip to the zoo or a "kid's theme" restaurant just before he deploys. Not a special meal at home, because then every time you serve it they will worry.
Mom and Dad have to share the parenting all the time, even when Dad is at home, that way it will not be such a shock.
Taking pictures to send to Dad and him sending letters and post cards or such back help too.
When I was going to be deployed over a holiday or birthday we had the celebration before I left and a special present from me was kept back by my wife for the actual day.
Whatever you do, DO NOT THREATEN THE KIDS WITH "WHEN YOUR FATHER GETS HOME HE WILL......."
2006-08-19 16:00:46 · answer #4 · answered by Ed M 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband is away as we speak. Not for long. For 9 days. Then again in Sept for 2 weeks and on and on for the months after that. He leaves on a six month deployment in Jan. My daughter is 1 month and a few weeks old.
The longest he has been gone in the past was 2 and a half months. Baby Lily will be a year when he gets home and she wont even know him. She sure seems to know his voice when he calls though.
As military wives, its something that we have to deal with. Its the nature of our husbands jobs. Our child will understand if we teach them that what their Daddy's do is positive and that they are protecting their country. As the children grow, you just have to keep reminding them of their father and how proud you are of him, and they will too idolize them. They may only know their father through how you describe him.
I plan on using photos, home movies and phone calls to help my daughter know her dad.
2006-08-19 15:44:37 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I are both in the service so we could get hit at the same time. You just get in a routine and support your children. There are tons of support groups the base should have to help as well. Once you get in a pattern at home it helps things go easier.
My husband has been gone for 2 months now and won't be back until January. Raising our daughter alone has been a challenge but we'll get through it.
2006-08-19 19:40:40 · answer #6 · answered by mrsstephaniekay 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It takes a very strong woman to be a military wife. My cousin was deployed to Iraq, in the meantime, his wife had thier first child and took care of 3 horses and 2 dogs while being pregnant and the first 3 months of the childs life.
2006-08-19 15:44:25 · answer #7 · answered by Swimmy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think each family member is going to take it diffrently. I have been married for 4 years and been gone for 1.5 of that time, and that was when I was in the AF...
I always just let me kids know where I was going and why. Even at a young age its good to let them know whats going on and this better prepares them for the member leaving. Basically I just tell them that there are bad people around the world and its my job to stop them. I know they dont understand the entire gist of everything but it does help them better understand.
2006-08-19 15:46:57 · answer #8 · answered by JB 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you dont deal with is, you just do it because thats how its supposed to be. my husband is on a 6 month deployment. we have a 2 yr old and a 4 month old, i take care of them each day, followed by long dreaded hours at work. i do it because my husband is giving up his freedom and the right to spend time with his family, so i feel that its my duty to him to hold up the family until he gets home.
2006-08-19 19:50:37 · answer #9 · answered by ILoveMySailor 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
since your husband isnt gone yet you must get your answers before he leaves, other wives and even the chaplain are excellant sources
2006-08-19 17:48:09 · answer #10 · answered by john r 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋