What do I say to the religious freaks who won't stop knocking on my door?

Question

I'm fed up! Yesterday I answer the door to 2 freaks and
they say...Lets kneel down and praise the ...
I immed. say...waste your time...I'm not...
Get the f*ck outta here!

They can't comprehend the sign I have on my door..
(Can't they read?)
It says...
WHAT EVER YOUR SELLING OR PREACHING...
WE'RE NOT INTERESTED...
and yet the Freaks/Idiots still knock!

Any suggestions on how to get rid of
these religious parasites???

Answer 1

change the sign to
"WHO EVER TRIES TO SELL OR PREACH....
WILL GO TO HELL"
Jesus

Answer 2

Don't answer the door if you can see them and determine that they are mindless fanatics. It is an invasion of privacy. Don't bother engaging them with conversation because they are brain-washed and won't be able to answer your questions with any real answers, so it is only a waste of time and energy.

You're right about them being parasites. What they really want is for you to join their cult and to give them lots of $$$ so they can sponsor other witnessing projects. I had two great aunts who were religious. One was a Jehovah's Witness and the other was Pentecostal. One was as bad as the other -- each insisted that she was right and that the other was wrong. Family gatherings turned into a battleground which each trying to prove that Jesus commanded them to spread the true gospel.

So just don't answer the door when you see them coming up the walkway. They love to be insulted so that they can claim they are blessed by non-believers.

Answer 3

Well, you could tell them that you're already there and then direct them to a neighbor that you think needs their help, I don't think you're the kind that would do that, though. You could say, "No thank you, but I would like to talk to you about my religion." Then ask them something along the lines of "Have you ever heard of the Great Bunny?" And make up some wonderful things about this religion. See how long it takes them to find an excuse to get out of there. Don't forget to yell after them, "May the Great Bunny care for you always!" Sounds like something you could enjoy if you weren't so bitter. I find it interesting that these religious people keep coming to your door. Maybe the Lord keeps sending them because he loves you so much that he wants you saved.

Answer 4

The last time they came to my door I opened it with a can of beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other and invited them in. I then proceeded to tell them what a marvellous life I was having as a non-believer. partying non stop etc. One of them actually began to show an interest in my lifestyle and was practically dragged out the door by the other. Sadly I've never been bothered since.

Answer 5

Who was it that said to put a chalk outline on the ground of a human body with religious tracts spread around it? Some comedian.

I always say that I already have a religion (well, I *sorta* do. Like I have to justify myself to these a$$heads?) Just say you're not interested. Personally, religions that proselytize seem like big money-making scams--why do they need to recruit so many new people? They yap about how they need to "save souls"--nope. They want more members and therefore, more money and power. Maybe you should ask them, "if your religion is so good, then why don't people just join it on their own? Why do they have to send people door-to-door selling it?" It's a very cult-y thing to do to recruit members that way.

I don't talk about religion to perfect strangers who don't want to hear it. But think about it--Jehovah's Witnesses got pulled in by somebody doing exactly what they're doing. It would be a real rush to convert somebody the same way--I guess they feel like they're one of just a few who are chosen and when they go door-to-door, if somebody takes them up on the offer, then it must be a really amazing find.

But if Prince comes knocking on my door wanting to tell me about Jehovah, I'll totally invite his sexy a$$ in. Oooh, tell me about Jehovah! Who went to Paisley Park to talk to him? How did they get past security? Clearly, the technique works occasionally, and you know, random reinforcement is the strongest type--you just keep on trying because you never know when somebody will take you up on your offer. They're duped, what can I say? I've been duped before. I'd say don't be mean, but if they're martyr-types, they probably like it. They probably feel like they're suffering for the sake of the Lord. So be firm--just shut the door on them if you have to. Tell them they're wasting their time on you--or just tell them that when you decide to convert, you'll call them and make sure to tell God who it was that witnessed to you. Tough question. Good luck with that!

Answer 6

If at all possible, look outside through a peep hole or close window to see who they are. Normally they are really easy to spot. If you see them, just don't answer the door. If you can't see who's at the front door and you open it, just politely tell them you're not interested. And if they persist, just shut the door. If anything else progresses, ask them if they can read....hence the sign on the door.

Answer 7

Well here is what I did. I am baptist but my preacher he don't mince words so I knew that they always seemed to come visit at a certain time so I called him and asked him to drop by then when they knocked I said I was busy asked if he would answer the door for me i have no idea what he said to them but they never came back no my pater is nice to everyone so i did not worry about him like cussing at them or threading them but anyway they never came back and that's all that matters to me lol

Answer 8

I tell them that I have a large vicious dog and that they are trespassing and have 30 seconds to be off my property or I'll sic the dog on 'em. Then I tell them I'm going to count by tens.

Works every time.

Also, we used to have a sign that read:


Attention Missionaries:

The people who live here are Witches. They are proud of their ancient and honorable religion and do not wish to hear about yours. Neither does anyone else.

Shut the f*ck up and go home.

Answer 9

You have to have fun with it. When they come to my door I come up to them before they can get off thier bikes. Just start talking, ramble, they will never come by again.

Example:

Mormon: Have you heard the Good News of the Book of Mormon?

You: Yes, I wanted to talk to you about it. My aunt slept with a mormon prostitute, which is wierd enough, but you don't know my aunt. Anyway he said that if you want to be a mormon the only way is to vollyball with a boxcar setup.

Mormon: A boxcar setup?

You: Oh my God, the babies and chicken wings on the boxcar setup. Wait a second... which one of you is wearing pants? Come on... whos the tractor and who's the chili cookoff? Right? What is going on with that Chuck Yeager thing?

Answer 10

This has happened to me on several occasions. Fortunantly, I speak a second language. When I open the door and they speak to me in English, I speak my language and they are pretty baffled.
If that doesn't work for you, tell them that you're very busy or are not interested. If they are rude and insistant, close the door. Don't slam it-----close it and give 'em a big smile while you're doing it.

Answer 11

At this point, politely tell them "thank you, but I'm not interested" and close the door.

As a Catholic, I interrupt them and tell them that I'm a Catholic theologian (which I am) and that I'm quite happy. Then I wish them well and close the door.

Someone once had a cute sign for their door that had to do with this... wish I could remember the text.