my boyfriend likes small skinny women. i'm tall + curvy. i feel kind of insecure about it?

Question

but he says, "don't be so shallow , i'm not with you for your looks, it's your personality". i would love to feel that i was his preferred "type". don't want to dump him cos i love him. but i can't help feeling he would choose a smaller version if he could have chosen the "ideal" girlfriend. i've even started going to the gym to lose some weight cos i dont like him looking at other women. he actually encourages me to diet, etc cos he says it will help my self esteem if i lost a few pounds. i'm only size 12 though (uk) not overweight. BUT i found out recently that his long-term ex was size 18 (HUGE). i'm confused. am i just being insecure? why am i so annoyed to learn that his ex was twice the size of me?

Answer 1

it sounds to me that it is you that has a problem with your weight, not your boyfriend. he is probably encouraging you to lose weight so that maybe you won't keep on at him about it. i am a size 10 but can i just say i don't consider a size 18 to be "huge" as you describe it. my friend is a size 18 but she is very sexy with it and sometimes gets as much if not more attention than some of us smaller girls. your boyfriend obviously loves you for just being you, my fiance is with me because of my brain and personality and not just cos he thinks i look good, i would worry if he was only with me for my looks, cos honey, looks fade and bodies sag, just relax and enjoy your boyfriend. worry about the things you can change, all the rest is out of your control.

and babe, size 18 is not double your size, that's a very big exaggeration.

Answer 2

Yes, I think you are just feeling insecure, but you don't need to because if you are tall and a size 12, you should be in the healthy BMI range, and look trim. I think you are annoyed to discover your boyfriend's ex was a size 18, because you've been stressing out, trying to look more like his supposed 'ideal' woman, when in fact, he hasn't even been with someone as trim as you!! That would probably annoy me too.

However, life's too short-- don't sweat the small stuff. Be proud of who you are, I think your boyfriend is over the moon to be with you after being with someone considerably larger. I have to question whether his preference really is for small, skinny women? Whatever the situation don't let this mess with your mind-- you are a healthy size and I'm sure you look great. Try to let go of this issue as it is obviously making you unhappy and possibly affecting your boyfriend as well.

Answer 3

The reason why some guys like skinny women, because after they have kids they become what they call "Perfect" to them.

It is just a personal preference for some. The rest of us love tall and curvy . No need to get insecure about it, your really have all the looks in the world too. I bet your intelligent and a genuine friend too.!

Answer 4

By the sounds of things, he's pretty happy with the way you are, he's probably trying to compliment you saying that he like skinny girls, because if you're tall and size 12, you couldn't have too many excess curves. My girlfriend is very slim (size 8) and she's one of the few girls who still have curves at that size and that's the best part of her.
I read that the ideal waist to hip ratio for women is 70% (i.e. your waist should be 70% the size of your hips) and the closer you are to that the sexier you'll be to ALL men.

Answer 5

One thing sticks out for me in your description of the situation: He says he is with you not for your looks but your personality. That is really important. A lovely, skinny and gorgeous girl will turn ugly and fat one day and then he wouldn't like her anymore. But if you turn ugly and fat one day, at least he will still love you because he's not with you for your looks. That is such a big thing these days...you should be happy about that. And if he's with you for your personality then I'm sure that a constant insecurity will not be a turn on for him for long, so just be happy with your sexy size 12 figure and enjoy things!!!

Answer 6

i know what you are saying. i am also a size 12 but feel insecure. everyone else says i look great but i dont really know how my man sees me. he is like your man and encourages me to diet etc,but i would like to hear he dosen`t think i should. and like you,his ex`s aren`t the best looking in the world!!!! but i say **** them,if they aren`t happy with us,that`s their problem. no disrespect but i bet your man hasn`t got a great body and is probably as insecure about himself!!! just be yourself and don`t be too hard on yourself!!!!! at the end of the day would you rather be a size 12 or a size 18???? exactly.take care.xx

Answer 7

Going to the gym and improving your health are good things so keep it up but don't worry about your b-friend's ideal girl. I think most men look at the beach body type cause they've been trained to by society and still come happy home to the real world.

Answer 8

look stop worryin bout what he wants-do what makes u feel good about urself. If ur losing weight becoz of him ur not gonna feel any better bout urself-if he prefers skinny women then let him go find one.......This guy I really loved told told me he liked me too but he's attracted to women with big boobs-I did not got out and get a boob job done, instead I wished him luck on gettin what he wanted. BTW he gave me the same line ur bf gave u, that he liked me for my personality, dats a sh$# @ss line they use to justify their egotistic fetish. Guys are spoiled rotten I think-if a lady distinguished preferences in men, we're shallow, when men do it he's macho.

Answer 9

You're just being insecure. I know where you're coming from though, except I'm a small and skinny woman and my current boyfriend dated average-sized girls before me. It really bothered me at first because I always felt my boobs and butt weren't big enough, especially since he often joked about it. However, he always assured me that he thinks I'm beautiful the way I am, inside and out. Eventually, I got over those insecurities.

Answer 10

Tricky one. When I met my (now) husband, he was seriously into Uma Thurman- certainly not my 'type'! However, we are still very loved up and Hands on (ahem) and I really believe that if you love someone, you love them whatever their shape/size.
However, my pal was with a chap for years, who chipped at her self esteem until she decided to crash diet. She lost alot of weight, but he never left the matter alone. If they went out he tried to control her food, and told her if she had eaten too much! At the time she insisted she was happy with him, and they seemed very loved up. But she eventually cracked and they split. She is now married to someone else and has settled at a healthy weight, and cannot believe she put up with that cr*p! What I am trying to say is, don't make any rash decisions- you may find your bf is genuinely trying to help you as he wants you to accomplish what he believes you want to achieve. But if it becomes an obsession of HIS, then you should start worrying!

Something else to remember is that blokes feel they have to conform to society too- he may have stated his ideal type just to fit in with what society deems blokes should see as attractive (this may esp. be true in light of his ex!)