Should I take her out?

Question

One of my bridesmaids is being difficult. I told the girls to wear clear shoes with their dress and she said no that she's getting shoes to dye to color of the dress and that clear shoes would look tacky... she just keeps refusing to do things that I ask her to do. It's not like I'm requesting anything crazy... just a few things. She's also refusing to use her bouquet as a table centerpiece and she refuses for the hairstylist that I picked to do her hair. WHAT SHOULD I DO? HELP!

Answer 1

Is she your friend or is she just a player in your wedding? Is it more important that everone in your wedding fall in line as your bridesmaid clones or that each person be a part because of who they are.
I am not trying to be judgemental but your wedding is for a day- your friendshps are for a lifetime. Why dont you take your bridesmaids out for a girls lunch and let them give their input.
Your friend being a part of YOUR wedding should be a little more malleable and considerate of your feelings and desires for oyur wedding. I think that some open communication and compromise on both parts is in order for the sake of the friendship. Otherwise what is the point in having her in your wedding in the first place. Think about it .
I hope that your day turns out to be special full of love, life and joy and your marriage and friendships even that much more.- those things depend on what is in the heart, not what is on the outside!

Answer 2

Well you have to decide which is more important, your friendship or your wedding. Before you take her out have another bridesmaid talk to her to see what they deal is and if you can work out a compromise.

I think some of what you are asking is reasonable, but see why she doesn't want to use her bouquet as a centerpiece. Is it because it is tacky or because she wants to save it? Finding out why can mean you can try to fix it. With her hair, do you want something outrageous or not her style? Is she paying for it? Does she not want the hairstyle or is it that she doesn't want to match everyone? Or is it that it could have permanent damage to her hair? Clear shoes might be tacky (my opinion, but I am not saying I would refuse ;-) ), but would she ever wear the died ones again? Where they less expensive than the clear ones? Who is she trying to impress at the wedding-- everyone knows that her attire is a reflection of your taste, not hers. This would sound harsh coming from you and she would be more defensive. Having a neutral bridesmaid who could be honest with both parties would be best. Then, if you need to cut her, cut her.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

Many brides opt to be less stringent in their requirements--i.e., they let their bridesmaids do their own hair, and wear whatever shoes they like as long as they match the dress. This is a good way to keep the maids happy. However, this is your wedding and you should be the happy one. If you want to have clear shoes--and there's nothing tacky about them, I have two pairs to go with formal attire--she should shut up and wear them. She's stressing you out and she's unhappy. You might want to just sit her down and tell her you've noticed her distress. Explain to her that it is your wedding at you want certain things, and you'll listen to her when she gets married. Then, rather than kicking her out harshly, just ask her if she'd be happier being an honorary bridesmaid or just coming to the wedding as a guest. Then she could wear what she likes. This may be the wake-up call she needs to realize she's hurting you. On the other hand, she may take you up on your opt-out offer. Either way, the situation will have been addressed and maybe your friendship will benefit.

Answer 4

Talk to her about the fact that you are considering asking another bridesmaid. It may be that she might not think that your requests are serious, or that she might not realize how much agita she is causing you.

It may also be that you can reach a compromise on some things - she can dye the shoes (maybe she is self-conscious about her feet), but maybe she'll give up the boquet.

If she really won't open up or consider your feelings, you may have to take her out. But, hey - you must have a good relationship or you wouldn't have asked her in the first place, so trust in that :)

Whatever happens, congratulations on your marriage, and best of luck!!

Answer 5

It's your wedding; she's not the bride! She has to do what you want her to do. Weddings are stressful enough without a bridesmaid being difficult on the top of that!
I say sit down and have a talk with her and tell her that you're stressed out and that it would make it all go a lot smoother is she would cooperate even if she hates your ideas.
It's your big day; you should have it as you want it.

Answer 6

Since when did this become her day? You tell her, this is YOUR wedding not hers! The attention is going to be on you. As long as you're not asking her to wear a clown nose and spandex, she should honor your wishes or step out of the wedding. It's the bride's day....YOUR day. When she gets married she can do things her way. Most of us dream of our wedding day our whole lives. Tell her not to spoil it for you. Right now, she needs to put her opinions aside and stop making more stress for you! You don't deserve this!

We had a small wedding that my husband and I planned together. I hope everything goes well with yours!

Good luck!

Answer 7

oh lord.. a girls question and you have a bunch of insensitive men answering.. Well as a woman myself getting married soon.. if you are having a difficult bridesmaid, then you simply need to sit her down and explain to her that she has to abide by your rules.. Well they arent rules soo much. But its your wedding, not hers. If you wanted her opinion then you would have asked for it.. And if you did then you need to tell her, that you figured out how you want YOUR WEDDING. That is the key word.. She is not the one getting married. And if she absolutly refuses to stop her nonsence, then yes you should take her out and apologize nicely. But the apology is not neccasary i know.. but its the thought that counts..
Congrats!! And good luck! = )

Answer 8

Forget about her, that is your day, not hers. Pick someone else to do the job. I made my sister do whatever I WANTED because it was my day, if she didn't I threatened to boot her out of my wedding and you know what? How quickly she began to see things MY way! After all it was only for 2 meesly little hours.

Answer 9

Why is she your bridesmaid? She sounds like a bitter, miserable person. Boot her today! Tell her you just realized you don't like her anyway, so you don't want to to come at all. People like that need a hardcore reality check.

Answer 10

Have a talk with her and be honest. It is your special day not hers and she should respect your wishes. If she can't maybe you should have her behind the scenes and not standing up for you. Otherwise, I'd tell her she was out and not to bother coming.