I decided to let my son's father see him on weekends... Told his girlfriend that I needed to get to know her before I let him go to her house. My son's father is an alcoholic and is not responsible. He does not pay much attention to my 3 year old son at all so I'm having second thoughts. My son has never been away from me for more than a few hours at a time and has been alone with his father only once (His father came home drunk with my son in the backseat of his car.) We live two hours away from eachother now. I'm scared that my son might get hurt while in his father's care... Am I worring too much? Am I making the right discission? What if something happens to my son? AGH!
2006-08-19 06:32:11 · 22 answers · asked by FREAK 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
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2006-08-19 09:02:37 · answer #1 · answered by hello_heather_03 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you are trying to do the best thing for your son and how tough the situation is. Your ex has already put him in danger once, of course he will do it again. Also think about the example he is setting for your son. Children pick these things up very early, they have a far stronger learning capacity than adults. He is absorbing everything.
If you want him to know his father make sure that visits are always supervised. This man can not be trusted to make the right decisions and your child must be protected.
You are very right to be concerned, because stuff does happen, and all it takes is one really bad choice that can change a life forever.
2006-08-19 07:48:12 · answer #2 · answered by crct2004 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. There is one major problem though. If he has visitation rights through the courts you cant stop him unless you take him back to court. He can put you in jail for this. (If he stays sober enough to think of it). If he does not have visitation rights then you are doing something very very good for your son! I admire that. You should schedule a time for you to be there to. If you cannot trust him then yes getting to know his girlfriend would be a very good idea. This would make her feel good also by you placing responsibility on her and making her a part of your sons life.
2006-08-19 06:43:24 · answer #3 · answered by Keith Perry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right thing. Your son's safety is your responsibility. If his father can't stay sober, he can't be alone with a child. I don't know what your custody arrangement is, but I would check with a lawyer to make sure your son doesn't have to go over there any more. Good luck!
2006-08-19 11:52:52 · answer #4 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if his father will not even stay sober for a weekend with your son, why allow your son to still spend time with him? the purpose of his visit is for him to spend quality time with him. but at the rate he is going, it's only a waste of time. i suggest you cut off that kind of arrangement and ask him instead to visit your son at home...only if he is sober.
tell him it's not healthy for your son to see his father as a drunkard. your son is only 3 years old. he will not remember much of the present and past circumstance of his father. he still has enough time to clean up his act before your son has a mind of his own and realize that he has an alcoholic for a father. and this is the last chance he can get if he wants your son to be proud of him.
of course, your son is in great danger staying in a car with a drunk driver but don't use this cuz he will only become defensive. you have lots of room to manuever with and still get the result that you want. exercise a lot of patience and hold your tongue when you talk to him about it. you can win with a firm and concerned-for-his-image-with-your-son tone. good luck & i hope everything works fine for you and your son.
2006-08-19 07:10:03 · answer #5 · answered by babytalk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I ever even thought of my ex drinking and driving or even just drinking around my 3 year old, she would be lucky to even get supervised visitation. My ex wife and I have a wonderfull relationship and are best friends, but I would never let anything put my boy at risk of being hurt or killed and besides injury that is physical, the emotional scars of seeing the effects of alcoholism at that young of an age can be tramatic. Supervise your visitations with him for your sons sake...
2006-08-19 06:44:56 · answer #6 · answered by lightning14 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you know his father drove with him drunk you can not allow him to travel with this man. A drunk is not allowed to drive at all. A father should be allowed to see his son but not endanger him. Let him visit at your house. If his father consistently arrives drunk to visit with his son. Take his father to court to remove all privileges of his son from him. He is a bad influence on your son and a dangerous one. If he goes to AA and gets off the alcohol he would be a better person for himself and his son.
2006-08-19 06:48:21 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the guy doesn't pay attention to him,'Why is he going to his house to visit?' Sounds like your sons father doesn't really want anything to do with him. Don't let your son go over there! You said he is an alcholic and is not responsible. Those are 2 traits of someone who does not need to be with your son.
The man sounds like a loser.......sorry, but its the truth!
2006-08-19 08:54:57 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you are thinking your son needs a relationship with his father, and like you said that he has problems, I think you should follow your gut feeling and not let him go. When my daughter was born I didn't let her be alone with her father because of his girlfriend (she said things and said that she wished our baby died the day she was born)That is why I never let him be alone with her as a baby or even when she got older. But I trusted his parents (they were upset about what was said also and stood by me on not letting them be alone with my daughter, if he wanted to see her he had to come to their house. I wouldn't do it. I would have supervise visitation only if I was you.
2006-08-19 07:26:21 · answer #9 · answered by hisbabygirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
never leave your son alone with someone like that. you should make him come to you if he wants to see your son. even if you can't stand him, maybe you should suggest all three of you going out to do things together so you can keep an eye on things, like all of you going to the zoo or out for lunch or the park. i dont believe it will ever be in your son's best interest to be left alone with an alcoholic, even if it is his father. just because it's his dad, doesn't mean he is capable of knowing what's best for his son.
2006-08-19 08:16:52 · answer #10 · answered by .*AnNa*. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When the father is due to pick your son up or drop him off, call the local authorities at the same time. If your lucky he'll get a DUI. Just keep doing this. Eventually maybe he'll get the help he needs. Good luck to ya!!!!!!
2006-08-19 06:48:07 · answer #11 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋